Stumbling

I feel disconnected from the rest of the world. It feels like there are those things that are ripped out open from me, silently and I am just realizing now. Understanding what exactly it is and why are out of my reach. Have I succeeded at isolating myself once more? Have I gone off the wagon once more, pushed myself into that dark, unreachable place where I am out of touch, out of sight, out of mind and unable to even pick myself up? I don't want to go down this path. I don't want to go down this road because it's not good for me. I want changes and I want to materialize my dreams, goals, finally succeeded into getting where I feel like what I deserve. I want to be happy for myself, so that in return I can also make you happy. I want you to enjoy your time together and strengthen our relationship together. I feel tired, worn out, I don't want to stumble anymore. I just need to get back out there. I need to make decisions and stop being hesitant about them, rather make haste. My life needs to get going.