Alone Nights

Though, I used to like alone nights much more when I had not meet you, I usually seem to dread them now. There are many reasons, biggest one in the list would be the sound of your laugh and the light in your eyes. They can still be good...sometimes (rarely).

Sometimes though, it is exactly what we need. Some alone time at night to get to the things we haven't been able to get to during the day. A little unwinding, perhaps with a glass of wine for me, (usually this means you're working and I am writing, catching up on house chores and some paper work) some time to think, room to breathe and renewal of perspectives and making sure we perceive our relationship still, healthy and happy as day one. Also, as humans, we all need one of those nights, where we can barely bear our own mind and conscious, dealing with another human being seems out of question and out of our boundaries of capabilities.

Here I am, laying on our bed, kind of moping around wishing you were here. Now that it's over midnight, my heart is racing a little bit more hoping, you'll come home soon, within the next three hours. There is a lot on my mind today, I seem to be writing away, though I am not sure how effective it is tonight. But at least, I am getting things done and with you around, I am not sure if that would have been a possibility. The tea in my cup has grown lukewarm by now, the candle has burnt away to it's thread and my heart is still full of you, you linger around, as if you were here with your phantom laughs, I can smell your cologne from here and the anticipation of you unlocking the door any minute now.

So the premises have been drawn as the following:
Even when I am fully aware of you having gone,
being required to be elsewhere,
where I fully support you,
where I must do my own bidding for my own fare,
where I needed some time alone and apart
the left side of me misses you.

The silence was something both I craved deeply and when I had too many hits of it in a row, has always made me melancholy since my childhood. I guess, some feelings never go away, no matter how old you grow.