Was that our weekend?

I cannot believe that it's been nearly a whole week since that blow-off. Lately, all that seems to be on my mind is exactly that, word for word, tear to tear and scream to scream. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? It builds slowly and then, the moment you least expect it, something starts a blast off and it hurts, as if someone is tearing your flesh away from you. I have never given birth, but I like to think it's a lot like giving birth. You're happy it's coming out of you, but then, you're not so sure, you have doubts if it is the best time for it to come out and if you can protect it, or if you have done everything needed to protect it. It's also a very painful experience. So, at first, there is that feeling of being light headed, that is at the same time some what of a dizziness. Then, slowly the exhaustion rolls from deep inside of you somewhere you never knew existed, but even if you did, could never show anyone else. It's always somehow connected to the universe, like a black hole, it keeps growing throughout the years, going through evolutions and cycles, finally ending with some sort of revelation at the end, like God created the world in seven days. The exhaustion though, rolls in waves, starting from it's origin point of the black hole, then onto your mind. It grows numb. Your eyes and your extremities are next, slowly starting from the tip of your finger tips. Your mouth feels all weird, saliva is always seeping out and you cannot control it, though you always feel the wetness around the corner of your mouth. Then your shoulders stiffen regardless of the bulk of weight you have just dumped on the world, or someone else. The rest follows like it always does. You sleep like a log whether it be late at night, or early in the morning. You won't dream, you won't scream, you won't remember anything. You'll just sleep like you've been dead for centuries and wake up with even more tighter shoulders that you can't seem to stretch out. Then you'll replay the fight, the argument, whatever was the cause of this emotional toil that ended up bursting out, and eventually causing the weariness.

That was our weekend. The big fight, the big reason and we're both still trying to pick up the pieces from it. Trying to put our lives back the way it was and although happy we are, we still don't know if we can do it. But I think, Ive seen what was the most important thing for me to see. The genuine care, love and worth in your eyes. How very little you wouldn't do to get me back, or to keep me. That alone speaks volumes, that is something that was worth to see, even if it meant having all of this exhaustion.