I wonder what is going on, though I probably do know exactly what is going on. I've always said it, I've lived it, I am now even reading about it via different websites and research.
The past few days I've been so extremely pessimistic, unhappy and desperately hopeless. It feels like I've trapped myself in this cage and this violent circle of nonexistent success that is out of my reach wherever I go, whatever I try. It just is an illusion to me and it eludes me at the cost of the universe it feels like.
I shouldn't feel unhappy at this stage in my life. Considering everything I have at this moment, I should be overjoyed, ecstatic and counting my blessings. I shouldn't stop to see the signs of unhappiness, yet I do. I guess, knowing yourself and the circumstances you belong to can be a curse. I had never thought it to be so, as to me that was always a blessing, something I had trained myself for, for years.
Why is there this feeling of unsettling inside? Why is it that I feel like I am on the verge of crying everyday, tattering away disappointment and this hatred of self, of world. Why am I snappy, emotional when I shouldn't be? Wake up, wake up, wake up. Look around you and see the things you can do still...yet that seems to be no avail as I want to sleep away the day.
I need to stop this, though I have no idea why.
No comments:
Post a Comment