Friendships that last. How many of those do we have, how many of us actually have one friend like that? One is such a simple, easy number. One of my favorite numbers along with three, seven, nine and thirteen, oh and twenty-five.
I hadn't been great with friends in my younger years. Some of us are just born eccentric, so was I. I never made much sense to anyone outside of my own head (sometimes, even I find myself confusing and cannot understand why I do certain things. Especially when I see them coming a billion miles away) and while I always desired wonderful friends, it seem in my early childhood I could never truly have long lasting friendships. I have several friends from my childhood years, I don't know though how thoroughly friends we are anymore, after all we all change. Places we live in and the currents of our lives swiftly and in unrecognizable ways brings us to different parts of the ideological spectrums, in addition to our experiences, well we end up living in literally two very different worlds. As I grew up, I got better, much to my surprise to be honest. I could be so intolerable in many of my unflattering lights and circumstances. I still torment myself the same way, just within the shadows of my own world.
Many friends and people came in and left my world, most left rather quickly. And every once in a while there were some that were a little more durable. Either to their own sainthood or my own stupidity, whichever, they left a lasting impression.
However there is a small number that probably won't pass the number five of friends that are God's given gift to me. In any one of my wonderful and long-lasting relationships, they accumulated so by literally luck. It is true that I have given much after the turning point of 18-19. Until then though, I don't think I've actually given much to support and claim that I deserved their friendships. By a stroke of luck, I have a handful of friends that have been friends with me for the longest time. Two friends date back to my childhood, literally elementary years. It is true that we don't see eye to eye with each other much, our lives are completely different. However, I love them each to bits and although we're very different from one another, there is always something only they can give me; peace and the friendship that has livened up my chaotic childhood. They remind me of the innocence of my childhood. With them, being happy is easy and to hear about myself today from the eyes of others is just more illuminating then I could ever have accomplished in a backward glance of my life. Life is pink with them. I have another friend that started in middle school and continued on in high school years. Probably, my first true female friendship. Until then, I had never really had friends that were females that I actually got along with and shared many different things. She has done much, much to foster our friendship. I can say that it was due to the bridge she build between us then that still continues to carry our weighs when she is literally at the end of the other world, preparing to get married. With her, there are no pretenses. She reminds of another time that sometimes I long with nostalgia, sometimes with dread. Ah and then there is one that is above and beyond anyone else. One that means the most to me.
I don't have any other old friends. These are the ones that have taught me the meaning of friendship. The ones that have helped me through my tumultuous times where I perhaps needed a friend more than anything else in my life. For these friends I will always be thankful and grateful. While none are exactly a perfect fit...I think this is what really makes my friendships with them special to me. They could have chosen to be friends with anyone. They have such big hearts with eternally unbound love, so much to give to a person. Yet, here I stand having grown due to their friendships and the efforts they have invested in me.
In a positive side of this issue, I have learned that friendships takes time and you don't need many friends (contrary to what I had believed in for so long) and you need people who are willing to accept you as you are, willing to help you when you struggle with yourself and are honest enough to tell you, your worst aspects of personality and still continue to love you with your flaws. People who you can be yourself, who you can both learn from and teach and people who you can grow, change and ultimately discover your true self with. I've learned what makes a good friend versus one and the people who can actually become friends rather than people I just know. Selecting the people we are friends with is a daunting task that needs to e carefully considered, thought out and well chosen. They can, in the blink of an eye change your entire world both for the best and for the worst. I've learned to be able to make new, long lasting friendships that I can carry within my heart anywhere and wherever I go.
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