The End

Regardless of what I've said previously, letting go of certain people, it's difficult--extremely difficult. Coping with their absence, it's like withdrawal. Or so we usually think.

The thing is, by the time we get to letting go stage many things happens that sends us warning signs. When our lives and personalities are not disturbed, there are no warning signs. Perhaps those people with sixth senses smell trouble a mile away, for the rest of us regular human beings, we are content in our falsehood. For the most part, if our desires are being meet, we stay calm and in our happy worlds. After all, you can't X-ray someone's inside for evil residue. You can't scan someone's brain and come across hard evidence that will convince that person is intentionally thinking of harming you. That would have been great in preemptive agenda, however even then you still have to give the person to act on certain things. We might think of millions of things. We don't necessarily have the guts, courage and the irrationality to act on them, rightly so, we don't have to.

Thinking is not set in stone. It starts with the seed of an idea and eventually it grows, sometimes for short periods of time, sometimes for longer periods of times. Sometimes in sparks and sometimes in gradual water drops. And often the combination of the two (at least that is how my slow processor brain works). So our initial thought maybe one thing, sparked by a particular emotion, reaction, words, images or music. Then we think about it until it reaches it's final stages where we find ourselves with a conclusion, usually much different than our original idea or inspiration of an idea. Along the way we develop our opinions by such thoughts and wear their shade of glasses in viewing the world. When we get older, we go back wishing if we could have viewed the world from other glasses or shades. Well, if we hadn't then, we wouldn't have gotten to today, quite ironically. Not that the person we are today is always better our past counterparts, and neither will our future counterparts always better than ourselves today. However, there is a good possibility that our future selves will hold much greater and evolved parts of our personality, finally our ideas taking on embodiment within our bodies.

So by the time we get to leaving someone behind, or to decide to leap into the future without them, there have been many times where signs have quite brightly flashed in front of our eyes. There have been mistakes propelled by faulty logic and even more corrupt decisions that has eventually harmed our personhood, perhaps in one way, or perhaps even in more ways than one. Sometimes these mistakes are done intentionally and sometimes they are done intentionally. Only if we could always judge the world by intentions. Sadly, much to my disappointment we can't.

If the person we are trying to leave behind is someone we love, admire, respect or feel they are an essential part of who we are, or significant contributors to our soul, we feel like we are betraying them, possibly even feeling that we're betraying God. Sometimes, learning that you can't help a particular person is the grown-up thing to do, although it doesn't necessarily mean the right thing to do. But, in our decision to leave them behind, we get all the help we need, we just need to heed them.

Recently, I've decided to let go of a person from my life. Now, this person is a family member, so how successful I will be in eliminating all contact for the rest of my life is questionable. At certain times I just might have to see and talk to them. In outside of that, I have decided I want this person to have nothing to do with me. The reason behind, all of my life, this person has done more harm than good, at any given point in time. Our last fight ended badly, and quite frankly was the last straw for me. I packed my bags, wrote a very heartfelt, long and honest letter, leaving that person behind, for all I can help with, the rest of eternity. Now that a few days have gone by and my anger has subsided, I can think more logically and I instantly feel that I've made the right decision. Also, that this was something that was long coming. In our last battle, that person just gave me the necessary reason to say goodbye, something I have been unconsciously looking for the longest time.

Growing up, this person was around, more than we wanted him or her to be, less than he or she should have been. But every time he was around, he was a very negative influence that just made us feel embarrassed, shameful and hurt. We preferred when he wasn't around with us. The problem is that, he or she would make many sensational accusations, draw wild conclusions and bruise others' egos and emotions, quite intentionally in order to make him or herself feel better and cover his or her own short-comings in life. At the end of the day, he or she would leave at least one person in tears, wailing from emotional trauma. I realize that person needs a lot of help. The thing is, over the years we've tried to be blind to this truth, we've pretended there was absolutely nothing wrong. Then the next step was realizing his or her bizarre behaviors. After admitting it was wrong, we moved on to make that person realize that. It's regrettable to inform that he is still in denial stage. He had admitted to some of his own problems (we took anything we could get from him) and tried to get him the help he needed and at that point deserved. This didn't last long as s/he went back to her or his ways quite quickly. In order to help someone, that person needs to want the change and see it as a requirement for their survival.  As long as this doesn't happen, having any hopes is just going to be emotionally draining to you and you only. It's not going to do anything for the person you are hoping to change.

So the warnings will flash brighter, certain words will hang heavy in the air long after the even is over and people's accumulated hate will continue to well, accumulate. For certain people even reaching their apex. While they might love you individually, no longer able to put up with the person who is constantly associated and attached to your family, will stop seeking your company, words and eventually love. Then this person's negative actions will accumulate the damage that person has done to you in your life. Whether it be continually breaking your happiness, to bringing you unhappiness intentionally, to even more dire hazards. Hazards that changes the direction of your life, taking your efforts, time and years away from you that you get reduced to nothing but a shell of your former glory.

You slowly begin to see the ripple effects of that person in your life, more and more clearly. You'll be indecisive in matters of what to do, the right policy to handle the situation. Do you let go and see who'll die first? Do you make an attempt to get rid of that person from your life? Do you wait for the opportunity to show itself? It'll be in your mind, catching up with you at the end of the day. When each new event is approaching, you'll think about it and it will start to feel like the end of the world, dark thundering clouds will hover over you and you'll have no choice but to depressed. You'll wonder what the right course of action should be. You'll play each scenario out in your mind, trying to foresee as many consequences as you possibly can. Trying to account, prevent and prepare for any of the things that could go wrong, problems could arise and the nasty whip lashes you could get. In the end you'll either come to the choice that this person needs to be left behind and take direct action to end this hazardous relationship. Other time, recognizing all the dangers of this relationship, you'll opt out to wait it out and hope for the opportunity to come at the right time to leave that person behind so you could gain your life and personality back.

I unconsciously chose the last one. I thought I was okay with it all until my last trip in which illuminated everything a little too brightly for me to bear with it any longer. Sadly for that person and inevitably for me I've moved on, leaving that person behind. Of course I chose not to do this ambiguously. A terrible fight broke out, inner feelings that's been in hiding for along time had started to seep out prior to the fight and everything came out so fast, incredibly fast. I've left and mailed in my letter.

It's sad and it makes you judge your own humanity, to leave someone behind. Is that the right thing you keep asking yourself. Have you done the right thing by turning your back and abandoning this person in your life? You seek to find the answer to this your question and ease any guilt you might have (I am not saying not everyone does). Some situations are more clear-cut than others. Some situations are more complicated and never provide the "right answer", instead they offer you the only answer you can have, just what you had to do in order to survive.

This is especially true in family situations. It's always a little harder to let go of a family due to the involvement of family on an individual's life. However, I've come to the conclusion that if the person you've decided should not partake in your life truly cared about you (me) that person would have done the best they could have to keep you and try to respect the principles that needed such respect. Just like you haven't been that selfish, sacrificing from your life, they should have sacrificed certain things from their life as well for your sake and the relationship between the two of you, the bond which should have been just as important to that person, enough to cherish and protect it as well. If you've done everything you could possibly due to salvage this person and the relationship, and there are sigh bright warnings, it's however the time to move on and you should not regret it after everything is done and said. Mostly people regret not leaving earlier, questioning why they stayed for so long.

So, here is the end to the both of us. You've been a part of my life since the day I was born. Thank you for all you have done. But it is time to lead our lives in different philosophical hemispheres without influence and interference from one another.