Faring on your own.

I can't possibly say that I am one of the people who best knows how to fend for myself and fare well on my own. I have fended for myself, for as long as I can remember, however I was never completely alone. It is true, I live by myself and don't have a very large group of friends--by preference. I never really received much "help" in any department of my life, except one. While, I've taken care of myself, mostly, I've always had at least one person who has supported me immensely.

It is true I have never had a great father role in my life. We've always been on the opposing sides of life. I probably have argued with my father more than anybody else on this planet. I've probably received the most harm and punches (symbolically) from him. My father is...well who he is and unfortunately he will never change, no matter what people say, beg and tell him. he has never been great with promises and he is sadly weak to alcohol as it makes his tongue run rampant. He is also oblivious to life's lessons and is anti-change to the highest centralization and degree. I've learned much from my father's always absently there presence who has never been able to stand up to anyone but us and his inability to loyally protect. So, early on, my brother and I learned to develop thick skins and have learned to roll with punches. We didn't look to our father to protect us, instead we learned to protect ourselves efficiently. We've learned not to count on him, because at the end, the one who cries has always been us.

However, despite all of that, my mother has always safely tugged us underneath her vast wings that has allowed us to grow and become independent as we have secretly swore to loyalty to no other. She protect us to the last swing of the sword as they say and she has allowed us to prosper with our own hands, abilities and skills. We were molded and have become the people who we are, by ourselves with great blocks supporting us from the ground up. So we have learned that at the end, really we know best for ourselves, we have come to the epiphany that we should be the only ones making decisions for ourselves, not others on our behalf. We have learned to ask, take and protect what is ours, because my father had never done so and we have faced many perils because of that. Now, do try to take what is mine, I dare you :). We sway wherever the wind decides to take us, true enough, however not anywhere where we have no say whatsoever.

I've kicked, punched, scream, cried or stormed through many people, and places, both literally and figuratively. I haven't always decided on what is right, or took the actions that were the best way to protect myself. I have eventually harmed myself while trying to protect myself--sometimes due to my own cowardice, incapability, or pure disillusionment. I have, however grown and learn much from that. I am hoping to vanquish such weaknesses in the future to become strong, truly strong and to be able to take anything head on as I am not quite there yet.

So I will fend myself from now on, hopefully successfully minimizing any betrayal and disarming destruction and harm along the way.