Trust

Trust, a good portion of many individuals and societies', advertising companies' favorite word to use across the globe.

In our insignificant and fleeting existences we seek trust, security and comfort all over our lives, just to really, exist. When we can't find a single person to trust, we despair and cling onto life through somewhat dangerous means, moving from one state to another often, even changing countries to search for a home we finally will feel like we belong in. We associate homes usually with the place we're born in, and the parents that has been instrumental in bringing us to life. But what happens when you don't trust both or one of your parents? What happens when you cannot connect due to insecurity and the unwelcoming attitudes? How do you build your trust? How do you find your home?

The idea of Bedouin is often exciting and exotic--in many cases it is. Marching along the marginals of society and tracing the map of the world with your own feet, meeting all of these new people who has the potential to be your pillar in this world, a home and solace they could offer you, seeing all the beauties this world has to offer to any mortal. Adventurous.

It also makes you agitated, vulnerable and abandoned in the world to fare on your own. After all nothing teaches you fend for yourself like mother nature and existing on the fringes of society who are a lot less willing to understand, accept and help you than to outright punish and ridicule you, helping to destroy you even. Unconsciously and eventually this is the reason why I have come to view man the way I view many of them. This is the reason why marriages partially scare me. I can always count on myself, though counting on someone else is rather a dire emergency thing that leaves me with gaping wounds and heart cramps.

At the end I've always had serious trust issues. Exception of my mother and a few other exceptional people in my life, I still find myself lacking in the department of trust. As sad as that is. However, my only difference is that I trust myself and all of these past battles for this particular victory have led me to believe in my mother unconditionally and trust in her that she will take care of me, when I most needed, even when I don't need it. I've begun to trust myself enough to take care of myself and that no matter where I go, I trust that I will create a happy, warm and loving home for myself. I place I can come back home to, a place that can be my sanctuary and my sacred grove where my wounds of the day can heal.