Monday

I swear, this will be my last blog entry like this--at least for a long while.
The weekend needless to say was busy and although I accomplished much, I was not able to actually catch up at all with any of my readings/writings and etc. I am quite disappointed and it makes me feel bad, almost effectively canceling out all the good I was able to accomplish.

I know, you're saying the whole weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Honestly though, I just don't know where the minutes slipped out to, where hours flew to. I remember opening and closing my eyes, oh yeah and running around like a crazy person, from one place to another, trying to squeeze in one more thing before the day ran out, before the sun set and I was left with my serious, thought as not serious as can be woes. 

And as far as that goes, I am pretty fed up with bureaucracy. Now all of that aside, I feel a little bit more confident, a little bit lighter and I can see the sunshine in the sky now that there is a load off my back. In a few weeks, I am hoping for another load off my back which hopefully will lead me to my salvation, via helping me get my last and final load off. It's been a long run, wound down to many stupid mistakes I've made, many bad judgements I've called on and just plain idiocy. But I am hoping before my birthday this year, my punishment will be over and I can rectify my sins. What I am asking is nearing miracle and if I know anything about Karma and life in general, Universe will not be as gentle and that kind to me.

Although I have been paying for my sins, mistakes and guilt over the course of the year, steadily and sometimes even quite severely, we, sinners love to dream about the day it will come to end. We love asking for second chances and well, it is but a dream and hope, that just can't be taken away from a human being. I think it's been encoded to our DNA for our ability to continue living in the world. Well, due to the cosmic order of the Universe, I am pretty sure that my punishment will not end there, anytime before my birthday and I will continue to suffer long past my birthday. It is however my wish to be able to unmount all of this guilt and start the next phase of my life, which I am both looking forward to and fear at the same time. On one hand, I know it is the time and of course as always for any human, the unknown both scares and fascinates me at the same time. The ability to rewrite, a new chapter and to change the course of my destiny. How thrilling to the ear! Now, all I have to do is persevere, have patience, do what I can and wait. Oh, have I mentioned that I have to have faith in this cosmic order of the Universe? It's a long way until the end of the road, but at least there is a light within my dark tunnel to guide me out.

Well, enough about this philosophical chant that absolutely makes no sense to anyone outside of my own imaginative characters tat habits the upstairs of my mind. What I originally wanted to say as I sat down to write down this entry was, we have to take the care to rest, enjoy and recharge if we want to be able to continue to move in a positive, forward direction. *sigh*. I am glad that's out. I had worn myself out to the bone, waking up early, going to bed late, running around, literally, carrying having things around, besides all of the loads I am wanting to surmount, I mean in the physical sense, catching the bus, walking around about ten miles from place to place and so on and so forth. Come Sunday, my feet were aching and I just could not roll out of the bed before ten a.m. Even then, I just lingered around at home until I went out to at least write certain things that needed my attention.

So this leads me to today, Monday. I woke up around ten again, got some studying done, intensely too. But I almost fell into despair, seeing how much a week of not reading and studying leaves me behind. All of a sudden, I feel like the dumb kid in class who hasn't had any of his work done and begins worrying about his finals. Well, at least I have conscious and heart enough to worry about my finals. So this week will be even more brutal as I will have to struggle to get done extremely significant three items off my to do list and catching up with my studies. The library is full today, quite to my surprise and I have a good feeling. So let's hope to get done all of these writing assignments before closing time, where I can rush home to finish my reading.