Time to Leave

It's time to leave. I've even went to bed early and woke up semi early, well before anyone else at least. There are about a billion things left for me to do and although I am not quite sure where I should begin, I've decided that having a good look at my blog should come first. This could be the only entry I can submit for a while. My internet at home is currently disabled and, honestly I am not sure when I will actually enable it again. I plan on using the internet at coffee shops and such so that first I can cut my monthly bill for a while and change a few things around. I plan on changing my phone number, switch to a cheaper plan, get my taxes done and then maybe I'll change to a new service provider, one that's definitely cheaper than Charter. Charter and I have not done well.

Anyway, so I decided to get up, give my blog a second look and do any studying I have planned for Sunday. So while I may do extra studying on train (ones scheduled for Monday) and read some much needed reading, which I haven't done, much to my disappointment. I have to then focus on getting read which includes stuffing my bags in the last minute, taking a shower and make sure I haven't left anything of importance behind.

Usually when I stay home a shorter period, things go a lot smoother. I also don't have this double sided feeling. When I stay longer, I get used to having my mom around a little too much, which hinders my coping mechanism further when I am back at Wisconsin.

I will miss my mom immensely. So there is a considerable amount of guilt building inside for leaving her. It's like the first time I left home for Wisconsin. It feels a lot like that now, leaving to the unknown, because I have no idea what I will be facing when I go back home. Home, because Wisconsin has become my home, the place I feel like I belong to and the place I love entirely.

I have knots in my stomach and there is a feeling of fear, doubt, uncertainty and relief all mixed in together. Not knowing what I am going to face when I go back is scaring the life out of me. Almost having me run away from my responsibilities and instead just stay here. However, the other half is anxious to get it over with, go home and resettle into my own schedule and life. Sleeping on my own bed again will be a tremendous relief and a dream I hadn't had in the past two months.

Open your arms for me Madison and treat me kindly.