Pack Up

I will be traveling soon and have been packing up my bags for my upcoming traveling to Rochester via train. Train again, because well simply I couldn't be bothered to look for tickets before due to the severity of my depression once again. Now, I have to pay for that by traveling with the train, go through the strenuous activity of baggage claim, luggage carrying, and putting up to be in the train for 12 hours. The wounds of my heart tell me this is a bad idea, perhaps it is. For now though, I am looking forward to seeing my mom in her cheery spirit and warm embrace. Her magical way of making me feel better, without realizing it.

Packing up here like this has particularly brought specific images from a while ago when everything about the past came to the surface. Like this, frantically, I was packing everything into my suitcases, as much as I could fit it in there, just wanting to get away from here, these actions that have tempered with my feelings and walked all over my pride that I have so highly regarded all of these times. This time the reason why my bags are being packed is different. I am not looking forward to getting away from all of this. A time off, might be nice though. A good test to see the truth and depthness of feelings on both ends, all around for all of the parties involved.

I am not going to lie when I say that I am not relieved to see the differences between packing my bags. I don't think I could go through the same reason, ever again. My heart has never been fragile one, but it will be for a second repetition of that. It's taxing of my body, of my soul and mind. It's time consuming and a hatred seed that flames all the unholy feelings within a vessel.

It's also good to see that the person I have chosen is decided, enduring and is ready to make sacrifices and ready to pull the weight if necessary, by himself. It's just as important to see that he is understanding, kind and generous. His warm heart is where my soul can comfortably nestle in when it needs to be rested and protected.