Mom

Sleeping off the foul mood I've been in, the physical exhaustion and regret over how things were between my mom and I when I was in Rochester doesn't seem to be possible at this point. No matter how great I slept, no matter the fact that I am now at home with my S, and back into my own world of comfort, familiarity and despair, it further propels my own anger with myself. Maybe precisely because, I just can't go home for a long while yet, (really, who knows when?) and won't really be able to make up.

I hate it when it progresses this way. My relationship with my mother is something of extreme importance and high value to me. I appreciate everything she has done for me, so that I could grow to be the person I am today, giving everything she's got to us, bettering our lives at the cost of worsening hers and unmentionable, unspeakable regrets, sacrifices on her part. I adore the person she is, and she holds my utmost respect in the world. She is my hero. It hurts me and it probably hurts even more still, when we're like this.

I am sorry and I know you are too. I wish I could see you now.