Days in Rochester

The feelings I have that keep festering right at my throat as I am here, now, under the careful watch of my family, that interprets every action in hopes of understanding and relating to me, it a bit difficult to handle at this circumstance. I keep wondering if they know, if they understand, if they can tell and how mortified I would be if they did. I am reminded severely of the terrible consequences of reality, of fact, of what I have done and what I will have to do. The severity of my sin rather concerning to me. I feel doomed to fail and condemned into hell, never to get out, burn throughout eternity in bits, over and over again, entirely. I am ashamed once more and I feel Hades' grip on my ankles tighter and my soul blackened a bit more.

I feel like the mouse that's been cornered. No where to go. The problem is several hundred times bigger than my physical size that overwhelms me physically.

I am reminded once more that, they just can't know, and they can never find out. No one can if I am at all to save my self respect and dignity.