Dedication is quite a simple word. Many of us use it in and out time and time again in our life times. But how dedicated are we and what are we dedicated to? What kind of dedication do we expect and require from others? I think dedication is one of those principles in life that determines who we are and what we are. It determines our life dreams and the our capabilities as individuals.
Dedication was something I did not have. I might have persevered in life throughout various means and times, but not through my dedication to life. Dedication is something I am coming to learn the true meaning of and what it means in practical life and what it means to have it. The only dedication I've seem to have in my life is towards my mother which has in the past wavered, though my hope is that it won't be thinned out n the future. Secondly to my writing. For the past three years, I've been consistent in my dedication to my writing. For the first time it was a conscious decision and it was something I've been able to follow up throughout the test of time thus far. Though my enduring wish is for it to continue no matter how busy and difficult my life may get. I have devoted countless hours, shifted all of my efforts and all of my available time, if not have created the time for my writing. I have spent every available penny, if not available have taken the money from other parts of my life to supplement to writing. Whether it be purchasing novels, quizzes or books on writing, workshops and the such. I've deemed a top priority of mine and have resolved to make it the dedication of my life. No matter what, whether I get published or not, whether I become a bestseller or not, whether I become a critically acclaimed writer or not, writing is something I've decided to dedicate my life to. That means reading, writing, learning and honing my craft to the best of my abilities for the rest of my life. Of course anyone who writes a word wishes to be recognized for his or her abilities and skills and I am no different. But whether I do will not and shall not become a determiner of my dedication. My reward is my courage to write down, my presumptuous attitude that continues to think I can get better and seeing the fruits of my labors on a completed work even if no one else gets to read it besides me. That in itself is enough reward for me to continue to work, because without writing, I am incomplete.
Finding something to dedicate your life to is difficult and often requires time. But it is of most essential thing in your life to do, no matter what it is, find something that you want to dedicate your life to. And always, while you dedicate your life to one particular thing, have a plan B that will not leave you stranded in the middle of the deep ocean. Modern world is too cruel to give you a life boat.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Spring
Much to my happiness and relief, spring is here. I've been waiting for spring since well, January. Winter hasn't been kind to me this year. It has just ground me to the floor. Spring has been kind to me thus far and the weather has entirely warmed up and the happiness has been sifting up gradually everyday for me. I like this, I've been feeling so low for so long now, spring is like my Godsend gift. Rainy season is here and I love the rain. There is something magical about it that requires a post on its own. Spring has traditionally been associated with rebirth, happiness and love. I don't quite much care about love at this stage of my life, but happiness and rebirth is something that is befitting me at this point in my life...a little too well. Rebirth has been the theme of my life since March. It's kind of cyclical of my year, though it doesn't always coincide with spring. Sometimes, spring has been the time of my most depressing hours. But, this year around it's different. I want to be out, I want to mix with the rest of human population, take inspiration from nature and find and express myself with vivid colors that the winter can't carry.
Colors, rain, long walks, here I come. Embrace me tightly.
Colors, rain, long walks, here I come. Embrace me tightly.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
After Finals
In Madison, every semester, there is a phenomena which I call After Finals. Quite obvious for anyone who has ever attended a college town.
For those who don't know anything about Madison and Wisconsin in general, let me be your intro person, which I shall do so gladly. Madison is a mid size city in the Mid-West that happens to have University of Wisconsin-Madison in it. It is in short a college town that is a rare find in the U.S. Public transportation and biking are prevalent in Madison. Streets are built to grant easy access to both, without endangering the cyclists and forgetting pedestrians. We love cheese and beer here. We also have thousands of lakes, parks, recreational activities and are community based. Most neighborhoods are safe, people are friendly, coffee is always good and mostly a lot of intellectuals reside in Madison. There of course are about fifty thousand students living, working, studying in Madison.
Students pretty much have invaded anywhere in Madison-Downtown. Not that it's a bad thing at all. The only drawback is that, when the finals are over and especially in Spring, it's like the downtown has turned into a mini village, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Now that finals are over and summer has officially begun in Madison with the great weather we have been having here, there are minimal number of students left (this is not to say that there are no students left, there are plenty of students still living in Madison during the summer) and it feels a little empty, nostalgic and a little sad.
I am used to seeing the streets of Madison booming with students from Undergrad to Post.Doc. and everythingin between. The crazy drunken nights, the bars that are filled to full capacity, the restaurants that are always busy, the Memorial Union that never ceases to amaze me with the number of guests it can hold.
Well, till July, then students will slowly begin to return :)
For those who don't know anything about Madison and Wisconsin in general, let me be your intro person, which I shall do so gladly. Madison is a mid size city in the Mid-West that happens to have University of Wisconsin-Madison in it. It is in short a college town that is a rare find in the U.S. Public transportation and biking are prevalent in Madison. Streets are built to grant easy access to both, without endangering the cyclists and forgetting pedestrians. We love cheese and beer here. We also have thousands of lakes, parks, recreational activities and are community based. Most neighborhoods are safe, people are friendly, coffee is always good and mostly a lot of intellectuals reside in Madison. There of course are about fifty thousand students living, working, studying in Madison.
Students pretty much have invaded anywhere in Madison-Downtown. Not that it's a bad thing at all. The only drawback is that, when the finals are over and especially in Spring, it's like the downtown has turned into a mini village, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Now that finals are over and summer has officially begun in Madison with the great weather we have been having here, there are minimal number of students left (this is not to say that there are no students left, there are plenty of students still living in Madison during the summer) and it feels a little empty, nostalgic and a little sad.
I am used to seeing the streets of Madison booming with students from Undergrad to Post.Doc. and everythingin between. The crazy drunken nights, the bars that are filled to full capacity, the restaurants that are always busy, the Memorial Union that never ceases to amaze me with the number of guests it can hold.
Well, till July, then students will slowly begin to return :)
Monday, May 28, 2012
Age 25
Happy birthday to me! It's great to be a quarter century years old. Let's see far far I'll eventually get in this world. I have so many hopes and dreams for this year. To many 25 years :)
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Rain
It's quite ironic, I was thinking and writing about spring and the rains it will eventually bring and the moment, walking out of this coffee shop, magic awaited me. I was cupped up in this great, but a coffee shop nonetheless the entire Sunday afternoon; and a brilliant rain had awaited me and finally greeted me. I must say, I couldn't help but laugh and smile. It was impossible to not laugh and give my thanks upwards. Also it was difficult not to see my luck in the process. I should have wished for something else, but then that wouldn't have made me, me. Sometimes though, I definitely feel like I should change my character more. Life would have been completely easier. Though would I write then--that is the billion dollar question of my mind.
Anyways, I am digressing and I should really try to highlight the beauty of the rain. It was a warm evening and the skies were gray, but that lovely hue it has with pink undertones seeping through the clouds, signalling a wondrous day that will be waiting for us in the morrow. I think that really hit me then. Spring was truly here. As I walked home, I took off my slippers, continued bare foot, undid my hair tie and let my hair soak with rain drops. Through layers and layers of old habits, old thoughts, old feelings and all of my unhappiness shed. The small cherry trees and acacia trees lines my path like some sort of divine intervention. Have you ever smelled of an acacia tree as it rained? Oh, such a twinging but a beautiful scent. It just made me happy for no reason at all, well other than the fact that it was raining and a rain that I could still walk without getting soaked.
So life, seems to hold on to me, and it says to me, if you just patiently wait, do what you can, small surprised will greet you. There will be a better tomorrow if you can just get through today, no matter how hard that it may be.
Anyways, I am digressing and I should really try to highlight the beauty of the rain. It was a warm evening and the skies were gray, but that lovely hue it has with pink undertones seeping through the clouds, signalling a wondrous day that will be waiting for us in the morrow. I think that really hit me then. Spring was truly here. As I walked home, I took off my slippers, continued bare foot, undid my hair tie and let my hair soak with rain drops. Through layers and layers of old habits, old thoughts, old feelings and all of my unhappiness shed. The small cherry trees and acacia trees lines my path like some sort of divine intervention. Have you ever smelled of an acacia tree as it rained? Oh, such a twinging but a beautiful scent. It just made me happy for no reason at all, well other than the fact that it was raining and a rain that I could still walk without getting soaked.
So life, seems to hold on to me, and it says to me, if you just patiently wait, do what you can, small surprised will greet you. There will be a better tomorrow if you can just get through today, no matter how hard that it may be.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Aysegul
Aysegulum, bugun senin dogum gunun, nice mutlu senelere! Seni hepimiz inan cooook seviyoruz!
Sen girdigin her insanin hayatina isik sacip,onlarin dertlerine inan derman bulup, baska yerlere goturebiliyorsun. O bilinen kaftanlari giymektense, baska yeni kaftanlari dikip, onlari insanlara gore yapip oyle giydirip, onu bile baska bir turlu bakmasini sagliyorsun. Dunya gozu denen seyi, aliyorsun ve insanlara cok yeni baska pencerelere acmayi beceriyorsun. O kadar degerlisin ki, anlatmak cook zor! Nice mutlu yilara Pambigim
Sen girdigin her insanin hayatina isik sacip,onlarin dertlerine inan derman bulup, baska yerlere goturebiliyorsun. O bilinen kaftanlari giymektense, baska yeni kaftanlari dikip, onlari insanlara gore yapip oyle giydirip, onu bile baska bir turlu bakmasini sagliyorsun. Dunya gozu denen seyi, aliyorsun ve insanlara cok yeni baska pencerelere acmayi beceriyorsun. O kadar degerlisin ki, anlatmak cook zor! Nice mutlu yilara Pambigim
Friday, May 25, 2012
Jealous Husband
I've been seeing this quite often as of late. It's something that has got me to think thoroughly at night and in the morning, and of course through the oddest times when I am around those with children at events and such. I don't know if this was more common before my time, of it it's more common now. But what's been crudely observable is the number of husbands who has become jealous of the time their wives spend with their children.
Pretty silly sounding--I know. At first I thought it was my skepticism towards marriage that was talking. But I dedicated a considerable amount of time and thought and the conclusion still remained the same.
While I understand the need and desire to be with a partner, considering those who marry, marry with all intentions and prayers to marry for a life time (at least the people I personally know, I am sure there are exceptions to this) and people remain together long after their kids head off to college and to lead their own lives. Regardless of my own interpretation and beliefs on love, most of us desire for someone to understand us and be there for us in our times of need and happiness. It's human nature to share those moments as much as selfishness is. But, children I think will always take the priority as it should.
While that's another topic for another day, it's quite strange to see jealous husbands act strangely towards their children and wives due to the influence of the green eyed monster that seems to create scales on their bodies.
Watching all of these husbands get frustrated, complain and then desire to be with, younger, childless women as fascinating as that is, it is also worrisome. I've mostly believed that while mothers' interest and capacity far oversees fathers' in most cases, lately this seems to produce enough evidence for me to restart considering single parenthood. Fathers' interest in their children, though altered tremendously since the beginning of the olden days, seems still shallow in consideration of what I know of mothers. Obviously my experiences are not universal and I am talking of rather a highly subjective observation.
The worst of my experiences has been the bad treatment of children by their fathers in order to take out their frustration. I obviously don't mean abuse, however you know those moments of snapping, bad mouthing, sometimes slacking of their duties as a father and the son and so forth. These little demons, wrapped in a blanket of joy, seems to take all of the fun of living together and come in the middle of all special times to make it all about them. The best years of their lives as a couple seems to be ruined by their tiny existences which makes their life turn around these little monsters. Fathers seem to complain more about this than the women I know, not to say there aren't women who wishes they had more time to themselves. But still, they are still happy with the way their lives with, with a tiny hand to hold their hand through life.
So, what kind of father will you be? A jealous husband, or a loving father, above and beyond?
Pretty silly sounding--I know. At first I thought it was my skepticism towards marriage that was talking. But I dedicated a considerable amount of time and thought and the conclusion still remained the same.
While I understand the need and desire to be with a partner, considering those who marry, marry with all intentions and prayers to marry for a life time (at least the people I personally know, I am sure there are exceptions to this) and people remain together long after their kids head off to college and to lead their own lives. Regardless of my own interpretation and beliefs on love, most of us desire for someone to understand us and be there for us in our times of need and happiness. It's human nature to share those moments as much as selfishness is. But, children I think will always take the priority as it should.
While that's another topic for another day, it's quite strange to see jealous husbands act strangely towards their children and wives due to the influence of the green eyed monster that seems to create scales on their bodies.
Watching all of these husbands get frustrated, complain and then desire to be with, younger, childless women as fascinating as that is, it is also worrisome. I've mostly believed that while mothers' interest and capacity far oversees fathers' in most cases, lately this seems to produce enough evidence for me to restart considering single parenthood. Fathers' interest in their children, though altered tremendously since the beginning of the olden days, seems still shallow in consideration of what I know of mothers. Obviously my experiences are not universal and I am talking of rather a highly subjective observation.
The worst of my experiences has been the bad treatment of children by their fathers in order to take out their frustration. I obviously don't mean abuse, however you know those moments of snapping, bad mouthing, sometimes slacking of their duties as a father and the son and so forth. These little demons, wrapped in a blanket of joy, seems to take all of the fun of living together and come in the middle of all special times to make it all about them. The best years of their lives as a couple seems to be ruined by their tiny existences which makes their life turn around these little monsters. Fathers seem to complain more about this than the women I know, not to say there aren't women who wishes they had more time to themselves. But still, they are still happy with the way their lives with, with a tiny hand to hold their hand through life.
So, what kind of father will you be? A jealous husband, or a loving father, above and beyond?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Regaip Kandili
Herkesin Regaip kandili Mubarek olsun!
Regaip kandili Recep ayinin ilk Persembe aksamini Cumaya baglayan gece. Bugun iyi seyler yapip, oruc tutup, dua etmenin cok sevabi varmis :)
Regaip kandili Recep ayinin ilk Persembe aksamini Cumaya baglayan gece. Bugun iyi seyler yapip, oruc tutup, dua etmenin cok sevabi varmis :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Ghosts of You
You know, I am a little tired of this game. I am definitely tired of YOUR ghosts. This is ridiculous and exhausting. It's also leaving me back tracing. It's like I have to fight now, just to expel, extinguish and vanish and absolve your stupid little ghosts.
It was the same thing when I went to Rochester a few months ago. All the angry moments just popped into my head. All the times that I was saddened by you, by your idiotic words that makes no sense, your heartless, nonexistent emotions. Now, we're playing hide and seek here. I don't want to do this. Really. I just want to get up and go on about my day, my time, myself, with my own thoughts that occupy each cell in my head. All of these memories that are popping up, quite honestly, they make me upset. I don't have time to spend on you. It's like wasting it away, throwing it to garbage. Believe me, no matter what you think, I don't have that kind of time to waste. Especially on you. So please, disappear to never return. This game, is not one I am willingly participant of.
There are parts of me I guess that still haven't forgiven you. I doubt they will be in the mood to forgive anytime soon. This is saying something. But I've let go and have gotten myself rid of you. Not a single trace remains. Sure, I've learned my lessons, but the comparisons and the raging pain, sadness, the feeling of being cheated out of, the happiness and the years that has been stolen from me, the confidence that has been shrunk so little, they won't come back. I can't forgive you for that. But other than that, I've moved on to, bigger, better and happier things. So, as far as I am concerned your ghosts are bothersome and a nuisance.
Leave me to myself and you do whatever you like to do with your caveman capabilities that you can't possibly comprehend a single thing I say.
It was the same thing when I went to Rochester a few months ago. All the angry moments just popped into my head. All the times that I was saddened by you, by your idiotic words that makes no sense, your heartless, nonexistent emotions. Now, we're playing hide and seek here. I don't want to do this. Really. I just want to get up and go on about my day, my time, myself, with my own thoughts that occupy each cell in my head. All of these memories that are popping up, quite honestly, they make me upset. I don't have time to spend on you. It's like wasting it away, throwing it to garbage. Believe me, no matter what you think, I don't have that kind of time to waste. Especially on you. So please, disappear to never return. This game, is not one I am willingly participant of.
There are parts of me I guess that still haven't forgiven you. I doubt they will be in the mood to forgive anytime soon. This is saying something. But I've let go and have gotten myself rid of you. Not a single trace remains. Sure, I've learned my lessons, but the comparisons and the raging pain, sadness, the feeling of being cheated out of, the happiness and the years that has been stolen from me, the confidence that has been shrunk so little, they won't come back. I can't forgive you for that. But other than that, I've moved on to, bigger, better and happier things. So, as far as I am concerned your ghosts are bothersome and a nuisance.
Leave me to myself and you do whatever you like to do with your caveman capabilities that you can't possibly comprehend a single thing I say.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Misplaced Entry
Recently, I had posted an entry titled "Catching up to Mom". Though I have no idea where that entry went. I can't seem to find it, it's not published and it's not in my drafts section. I am wondering just what in the world happened to it, considering it was an important entry for me that I had put a lot into during the writing process.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Poetry Journals
In May of 2010 I began to collect all of my poems. Okay, maybe I need go to back to the beginning, since this barely makes sense to me. All the way to the beginning.
In elementary school, like every other kid in school I wrote, I love you mommy, Mr. Sun and what not poems. Then I stopped until high school. In high school, I wrote, mostly strange poems and most of them about my first love ever, childish, romantic and cliche. But it is what it is. So, at home, I have a notebook full of poems for HIM. I can't believe so much time has gone by since then. I can't believe I no longer am 15. Ten years since then. Anyway, I spent most of time on my poems, which were usually on him or how confused I was about the whole world and how I was going to change my world. Why I wrote so much on him, I haven't the slightest clue. I was probably trying to figure out my own feeling, at least that is my assumption. It is what I think it is now that I am thinking and trying to decipher through it today.
In and out of college I wrote here and there, in my note books, loose leaf papers, print out papers and on the back of my shopping lists. Much to the annoyance of my professors, my assignment sheets and binder covers, phone books and well, just scraps of paper really. Most of them are now lost to me, aside from a few.
In 2009 I made the conscious decision to be an aspiring writer. Really it was a spur of the moment decision, which really evolved in the months following. And later dwelled within me, which grew as seedlings and when it reached all the way to the sky, it needed more space and it decided to grow further out after it had conquered the skies and I began to change my life around in order to develop healthy writing habits and later to suit those writing habits. Things kind of began a circle that feed one another and while things happened one at a time, they also happened simultaneously. So I don't always remember exactly what happened and where. But it all started with poetry. First I started to collect my poetry in composition notebooks and then the stories emerged on their own and I began collecting them too. (Don't get me wrong, I had written short-stories before too. But poetry was what initially started everything back then and in 2009).
Since 2009 I've been writing poetry. Since May 2010 I've been collecting them, neatly, carefully, laboring over them as I would labor over my children. I know, the comparison is odd for many, but really, this is how I feel. I date each and every one of them. I don't dictate what I will be writing about before hand. Just whenever I get the urge to, I just write. There are times where I write several pieces a day, then there are days, weeks, and even months where I don't write a single word down. It collects on it's own, culminates and then finishes before I realize it. Since May 2010 I've finished three complete composition notebooks. On April 17, 2012 I began my fourth poetry journal much to my delight. It feels like such a big accomplishment that I am proud of. Sure, none of them are edited in any way. None of them are published. I don't think many of them has even potential to be a good poem. There must be only one, or two, NOT THREE, just one or two poems in each poetry collection to suffice as an average poem. That's about it. That tells you the end of my skill and capacity.
What am I proud of then? I am proud because I was able to continue with a principal I had decided to adopt. I was able to continue it and I was able to do it over two years. For someone like me, that's a big deal. It contains all sorts of memories and my very cherished feelings. They are so valuable to me. These are the things that made me feel enough to write about it, the things I went through whether it be good or bad. They are all parts of me as a finger, a nose, an eye would be. They are all extremely precious for me. It traces my adventure as a writer, my toils as a human being. Much like a journey.
It's also a reminder of being at the very beginning of the road, having much growing up left and that also, it is all very doable if I just decide to stick through it and deal with it. It is possible if I decide to endure it as the necessary sacrifice to write.
If you are an inspiring writer, start your own poetry journal and witness your own growth both as a person and as a writer as the years roll and the pages turn yellow.
In elementary school, like every other kid in school I wrote, I love you mommy, Mr. Sun and what not poems. Then I stopped until high school. In high school, I wrote, mostly strange poems and most of them about my first love ever, childish, romantic and cliche. But it is what it is. So, at home, I have a notebook full of poems for HIM. I can't believe so much time has gone by since then. I can't believe I no longer am 15. Ten years since then. Anyway, I spent most of time on my poems, which were usually on him or how confused I was about the whole world and how I was going to change my world. Why I wrote so much on him, I haven't the slightest clue. I was probably trying to figure out my own feeling, at least that is my assumption. It is what I think it is now that I am thinking and trying to decipher through it today.
In and out of college I wrote here and there, in my note books, loose leaf papers, print out papers and on the back of my shopping lists. Much to the annoyance of my professors, my assignment sheets and binder covers, phone books and well, just scraps of paper really. Most of them are now lost to me, aside from a few.
In 2009 I made the conscious decision to be an aspiring writer. Really it was a spur of the moment decision, which really evolved in the months following. And later dwelled within me, which grew as seedlings and when it reached all the way to the sky, it needed more space and it decided to grow further out after it had conquered the skies and I began to change my life around in order to develop healthy writing habits and later to suit those writing habits. Things kind of began a circle that feed one another and while things happened one at a time, they also happened simultaneously. So I don't always remember exactly what happened and where. But it all started with poetry. First I started to collect my poetry in composition notebooks and then the stories emerged on their own and I began collecting them too. (Don't get me wrong, I had written short-stories before too. But poetry was what initially started everything back then and in 2009).
Since 2009 I've been writing poetry. Since May 2010 I've been collecting them, neatly, carefully, laboring over them as I would labor over my children. I know, the comparison is odd for many, but really, this is how I feel. I date each and every one of them. I don't dictate what I will be writing about before hand. Just whenever I get the urge to, I just write. There are times where I write several pieces a day, then there are days, weeks, and even months where I don't write a single word down. It collects on it's own, culminates and then finishes before I realize it. Since May 2010 I've finished three complete composition notebooks. On April 17, 2012 I began my fourth poetry journal much to my delight. It feels like such a big accomplishment that I am proud of. Sure, none of them are edited in any way. None of them are published. I don't think many of them has even potential to be a good poem. There must be only one, or two, NOT THREE, just one or two poems in each poetry collection to suffice as an average poem. That's about it. That tells you the end of my skill and capacity.
What am I proud of then? I am proud because I was able to continue with a principal I had decided to adopt. I was able to continue it and I was able to do it over two years. For someone like me, that's a big deal. It contains all sorts of memories and my very cherished feelings. They are so valuable to me. These are the things that made me feel enough to write about it, the things I went through whether it be good or bad. They are all parts of me as a finger, a nose, an eye would be. They are all extremely precious for me. It traces my adventure as a writer, my toils as a human being. Much like a journey.
It's also a reminder of being at the very beginning of the road, having much growing up left and that also, it is all very doable if I just decide to stick through it and deal with it. It is possible if I decide to endure it as the necessary sacrifice to write.
If you are an inspiring writer, start your own poetry journal and witness your own growth both as a person and as a writer as the years roll and the pages turn yellow.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
CLINIQUE moisture surge face spray
There are many good quality products by Clinique, one of which is their moisture surge face spray. I bought this quite a while ago at first. I ran out and stopped using face sprays altogether for a while. I was focusing on collecting more eye-shadows to try out different styles of make-up. I recently purchased another one of these and I've forgotten how good they were. I was watching a guru on YOUTUBE, and she was raving about different kinds of face sprays out there and this was one she recommended the most and I felt that with my long days crouched over studying in the library and coffee shops this might be the resolution to my dry skin problem. And as expected this bottle delivers.
I know many people are prejudiced against Clinique, because many feel that it's not an actual high-end brand, rather a brand that has expensive drug-store products. Each brand reacts differently on individual skins, so hardly any brand is a one size fits all for everyone. So for some, Clinique might not work at all. But it's a good product that one should their prejudices over and give it a good, fair chance. Their eye creams does wonders and so does this spray.
I keep a bottle of this in my book bag/purse and take it with me nearly anywhere. It's great for long trips, whether by plane (considering you transfer the contents to a smaller,clear bottle which won't get thrown away by the TSA), train or road trips. It gives that constant pick-me up feeling, makes me feel energized and my skin is instantly moisturized. I leave home rather early in the day and return quite late at night. I spray this several times throughout the day to get the desired effect I seek and boy, does it work? It's become one of those staple products in my make-up bag that I won't ever travel without.
I know many people are prejudiced against Clinique, because many feel that it's not an actual high-end brand, rather a brand that has expensive drug-store products. Each brand reacts differently on individual skins, so hardly any brand is a one size fits all for everyone. So for some, Clinique might not work at all. But it's a good product that one should their prejudices over and give it a good, fair chance. Their eye creams does wonders and so does this spray.
I keep a bottle of this in my book bag/purse and take it with me nearly anywhere. It's great for long trips, whether by plane (considering you transfer the contents to a smaller,clear bottle which won't get thrown away by the TSA), train or road trips. It gives that constant pick-me up feeling, makes me feel energized and my skin is instantly moisturized. I leave home rather early in the day and return quite late at night. I spray this several times throughout the day to get the desired effect I seek and boy, does it work? It's become one of those staple products in my make-up bag that I won't ever travel without.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Background picture 2--
Well, this time around, I have Princess Serenity, as she seems to be taking a dip in a small pond of sorts, with her kingdom's columns are behind her in a soft pink sky, with a small Earth that seems to be hanging over her. She has that warm gaze on her face with a kind smile, a smile that makes you feel like she's accepted who you are, what you are and is just about to embrace you in a soft way. She really does look like a kind hearted princess that will be ignorant and blind and unable to handle the injustices of the world.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Fiction Writer's Workshop by Josip Novakovich
I feel in love with this book on first sight. It's brown, antique looking cover, with it's yellow font color and my dream words all in one. "Fiction Writer's Workshop". This was like a dream come true. It was on my wishlist on Barnes&Noble for months, maybe over a year. I kept wanting to get this book, but it never seemed like the right time. I either had to buy another book, or it was not in store, or it was out of stock, or I did not have enough money for this book along with my other book needs. I am so glad I was able to purchase this book. Everyone has such great reviews for this book that I felt like I had to have it. I have not read this book yet, so a full review will follow when I am actually done with this book.
Now the book itself has been broken into 10 chapters and 8 great short-stories follows. Any book that has short stories in it, count me in! There are some short-story collections that does not have 8 short-stories to include!
Chapter titles get me excited. I intend on reading and studying this book after the first one I wrote an entry about "Writing Tools" by Roy Peter Clark. I feel that book will be a great introduction and if I follow it up with this, I will have accomplished my biggest goal in the summer (fiction wise). I'll enter the fall renewed, confident and feeling accomplished.
Without further ramblings, chapter titles are as follows;
1)Sources of Fiction--where and how to find material
2)Setting--evoking a vivid sense of place and time
3)Character--inventing fictional people
4)Plot--strategies of organization and structure
5)Point of View--selecting the best viewpoint
6)Dialogue and Scene--handling dramatic action
7)Beginnings and Endings--options and techniques for opening and closing
8)Description and Word Choice--choosing effective details, matters of style
9)Voice--finding the narrative voice, creating the voices of characters
10)Revision--transforming the first draft into finished, polished fiction.
Will you look at those chapter titles? They are all things you need to know to write fabulous fiction that will have a purpose, style and merit. We all have trouble with inspiration. Who doesn't? I don't think there is any one who aspires to write (or compose great music, make great sculptures, paint great paintings) will say that they have never felt a slump. I am not a music person, though I am great with my hands, I could not be a painter or a sculptor, therefore I have no idea how they would overcome their slump. The best thing a writer has in my opinion are the characters, events that surround his or her life and observe them until at the very least something strikes his or her with a thunder bolt. It usually is what happens to me. After collecting ideas, lines, characters for a year, sometimes two, only then do I begin to have some sort of an idea for a story. You keep collecting without writing a word, but the inspiration to write is something that is entirely different.
He follows a logical flow where you can obviously change the order of chapters you read, or when you write, like for me I always create my characters before I create a setting and time, vice versa. Obviously you couldn't go from chapter 1 to 10. I like to leave openings and closings to the last (habit of writing essays) so I would skip chapter 7, read through chapter 8, 9 and then do chapter 7 and finally move on to chapter 10. So it looks like there is a lot of room to go about your own individual choices.
The chapters are hefty in reading. I've only gazed over them and it looks like you would have to be focused and with have to sit down to read this book with a clear mind, with a pen and paper in your hand. The writer seems to explain things thoroughly, further breaking each chapter down and gives lots of examples from other works, like block quotes. At the end though, there are about 13-15 exercises you can do at the end of each chapter. 13-15! I knew there was something great about this book!
Usually, these sort of books give perhaps 1-5. I've never seen more than 5 exercises at the end of a chapter. This is exactly what I was looking for. I am a hands on learner. And when it comes to writing, well you're going to have to be a hands on learner as well. After reading the insightful chapter with endless examples, you get to do your own! You get to do your own until you're relatively somewhat comfortable with it. These exercises are great because they are highly recyclable--meaning when you're through this book, reading, note taking, having done the exercises you can sit down and go through all the exercises and at the minimum come up with one great short-story, if not more. Obviously every exercise you do is not going to result in a short-story. However, it can be incorporated into another short-story, a few of them can come together, and one or two will become the basis of a great short-story you can work on, applying what you've just learned in this book. So at the end, not only will you learn the ropes of fiction writing in this book, your time will also end with at the very least one, if not several foundations for a great short-story. A true workshop!
Now the book itself has been broken into 10 chapters and 8 great short-stories follows. Any book that has short stories in it, count me in! There are some short-story collections that does not have 8 short-stories to include!
Chapter titles get me excited. I intend on reading and studying this book after the first one I wrote an entry about "Writing Tools" by Roy Peter Clark. I feel that book will be a great introduction and if I follow it up with this, I will have accomplished my biggest goal in the summer (fiction wise). I'll enter the fall renewed, confident and feeling accomplished.
Without further ramblings, chapter titles are as follows;
1)Sources of Fiction--where and how to find material
2)Setting--evoking a vivid sense of place and time
3)Character--inventing fictional people
4)Plot--strategies of organization and structure
5)Point of View--selecting the best viewpoint
6)Dialogue and Scene--handling dramatic action
7)Beginnings and Endings--options and techniques for opening and closing
8)Description and Word Choice--choosing effective details, matters of style
9)Voice--finding the narrative voice, creating the voices of characters
10)Revision--transforming the first draft into finished, polished fiction.
Will you look at those chapter titles? They are all things you need to know to write fabulous fiction that will have a purpose, style and merit. We all have trouble with inspiration. Who doesn't? I don't think there is any one who aspires to write (or compose great music, make great sculptures, paint great paintings) will say that they have never felt a slump. I am not a music person, though I am great with my hands, I could not be a painter or a sculptor, therefore I have no idea how they would overcome their slump. The best thing a writer has in my opinion are the characters, events that surround his or her life and observe them until at the very least something strikes his or her with a thunder bolt. It usually is what happens to me. After collecting ideas, lines, characters for a year, sometimes two, only then do I begin to have some sort of an idea for a story. You keep collecting without writing a word, but the inspiration to write is something that is entirely different.
He follows a logical flow where you can obviously change the order of chapters you read, or when you write, like for me I always create my characters before I create a setting and time, vice versa. Obviously you couldn't go from chapter 1 to 10. I like to leave openings and closings to the last (habit of writing essays) so I would skip chapter 7, read through chapter 8, 9 and then do chapter 7 and finally move on to chapter 10. So it looks like there is a lot of room to go about your own individual choices.
The chapters are hefty in reading. I've only gazed over them and it looks like you would have to be focused and with have to sit down to read this book with a clear mind, with a pen and paper in your hand. The writer seems to explain things thoroughly, further breaking each chapter down and gives lots of examples from other works, like block quotes. At the end though, there are about 13-15 exercises you can do at the end of each chapter. 13-15! I knew there was something great about this book!
Usually, these sort of books give perhaps 1-5. I've never seen more than 5 exercises at the end of a chapter. This is exactly what I was looking for. I am a hands on learner. And when it comes to writing, well you're going to have to be a hands on learner as well. After reading the insightful chapter with endless examples, you get to do your own! You get to do your own until you're relatively somewhat comfortable with it. These exercises are great because they are highly recyclable--meaning when you're through this book, reading, note taking, having done the exercises you can sit down and go through all the exercises and at the minimum come up with one great short-story, if not more. Obviously every exercise you do is not going to result in a short-story. However, it can be incorporated into another short-story, a few of them can come together, and one or two will become the basis of a great short-story you can work on, applying what you've just learned in this book. So at the end, not only will you learn the ropes of fiction writing in this book, your time will also end with at the very least one, if not several foundations for a great short-story. A true workshop!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark
On Saturday, the day before I left for Wisconsin, I spent some time in Barnes&Noble. Probably the only time I'll get to spend at a Barnes&Noble for a while. I spent a great deal of time browsing through books and another great deal of time studying. At the end I've decided to buy two books which I hope will have tremendous help on my fictional writing.
Now, mainly on a daily basis I do my best trying to become a better writer. I have a strict schedule I follow and I try not to deviate away from it as much as possible. For the most part I am very good with it. I learn one new word a day, I study grammar daily (though in all honesty, I feel it all escapes me), I have an online journal, another journal at home on my desk which I ponder on more deeply analyzing all sorts of insane things. I've never been good with a diary, so my journals have always been about things I've recognized in my life, something I've observed to be rare or true, something I might have lived through and the various other influences in my life. I have a dream journal I keep handy near my bed to write in. I also have an ideas journal, in which I write all of the ideas that come to me. It might be just a character, a few sentences or full on ideas that are ready to flesh out, thought about and then settle into the writing stage (though those are a rare find). I read one poem, essay, short-story and a novel a week complete with their analysis. You can't write without reading as they say. I believe reading is an essential and an inescapable part of writing, if not for the sole reason of knowing what's been written before you. I tend to stick to classics with small deviations into the modern day readings. I want to finish the Classics before I start reading modern books. That's another topic for another day.
Now the first book I settled on was Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark. It has a subtitle of 50 Essential Strategies For Every Writer. In it, there are literally 50 lessons from the chapter titles I felt it was necessary for beginner writers like myself. The 50 lessons have been down into four parts. First part Nuts and Bolts. Second part Special Effects. Third Part Blueprints and the last part Useful Habits. Chapter titles are as follows
Begin sentences with subjects and verbs.
Order words for emphasis
Watch those adverbs
Pay attention to names
Seek Original images
Work from a plan
Learn the difference between reports and stories
Foreshadow dramatic events and powerful conclusions
Use internal cliffhangers
Write from different cinematic angles
Write toward an ending
Draft a mission statement for work
Break long projects into parts
Learn from your critics
Sounds powerful and promising.
Each chapter has explanations, examples from well known writers and at the end called "Workshop". Any number of questions in which you can practice what you've just learned. I just could not let go of this book. I haven't begun reading this book, I probably won't begin reading this book in the next few months, I've only just gazed over it and skimmed through some of the chapters and it's enough to make me feel giddy inside. I feel that at the end of this book I will have given myself a better shape as a writer and that my stories will at least have the potential to have potential.
The next book is...(tune in for the next blog entry)
Now, mainly on a daily basis I do my best trying to become a better writer. I have a strict schedule I follow and I try not to deviate away from it as much as possible. For the most part I am very good with it. I learn one new word a day, I study grammar daily (though in all honesty, I feel it all escapes me), I have an online journal, another journal at home on my desk which I ponder on more deeply analyzing all sorts of insane things. I've never been good with a diary, so my journals have always been about things I've recognized in my life, something I've observed to be rare or true, something I might have lived through and the various other influences in my life. I have a dream journal I keep handy near my bed to write in. I also have an ideas journal, in which I write all of the ideas that come to me. It might be just a character, a few sentences or full on ideas that are ready to flesh out, thought about and then settle into the writing stage (though those are a rare find). I read one poem, essay, short-story and a novel a week complete with their analysis. You can't write without reading as they say. I believe reading is an essential and an inescapable part of writing, if not for the sole reason of knowing what's been written before you. I tend to stick to classics with small deviations into the modern day readings. I want to finish the Classics before I start reading modern books. That's another topic for another day.
Now the first book I settled on was Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark. It has a subtitle of 50 Essential Strategies For Every Writer. In it, there are literally 50 lessons from the chapter titles I felt it was necessary for beginner writers like myself. The 50 lessons have been down into four parts. First part Nuts and Bolts. Second part Special Effects. Third Part Blueprints and the last part Useful Habits. Chapter titles are as follows
Begin sentences with subjects and verbs.
Order words for emphasis
Watch those adverbs
Pay attention to names
Seek Original images
Work from a plan
Learn the difference between reports and stories
Foreshadow dramatic events and powerful conclusions
Use internal cliffhangers
Write from different cinematic angles
Write toward an ending
Draft a mission statement for work
Break long projects into parts
Learn from your critics
Sounds powerful and promising.
Each chapter has explanations, examples from well known writers and at the end called "Workshop". Any number of questions in which you can practice what you've just learned. I just could not let go of this book. I haven't begun reading this book, I probably won't begin reading this book in the next few months, I've only just gazed over it and skimmed through some of the chapters and it's enough to make me feel giddy inside. I feel that at the end of this book I will have given myself a better shape as a writer and that my stories will at least have the potential to have potential.
The next book is...(tune in for the next blog entry)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Nars blushes
On the topic of make-up, I went to Sephora recently to see some of the brands and new products I've been hearing a lot about to try in person and see if I liked any one of them enough to take 'em home with me.
While I've always loved and enjoyed NARS products, I've come to have a new kind of appreciation for NARS blushes lately. I have several blushes from the previous years from NARS, as well as a good number of eye liner pencils and lip glosses. In my last trip to Sephora, I bought four new shades of NARS blushes and a bronzer which I can't seem to get enough of.
Usually at this time of the year, I keep my make up to a minimum. I am not sure whether it's due to the end of the semester stress; where I start all of my final projects, research papers and begin studying for my finals or whether it is because of my poor eating habits at this time of the year, or the changing of the seasons (perhaps a mixture of all of these reasons) I tend to have many break-outs. They're both ugly and all over the place. So I keep my face usually just clean and devoid of any make-up in order to avoid being an aggressor. However, I must admit my addiction to NARS blushes and this one particular bronzer I seem to wear all the time.
The very first blush I bought from NARS was their "Orgasm" (what a lovely name by the way). In my recent trip I bought Gaiety, Sin, Angelika and Desire. They go on smoothly, pigmented and build-able. Everything I love in a blush. They had so many different colors I couldn't make up my mind, it took me forever to decide. My mother eventually complained (a woman who loves make up herself). I obviously have many other NARS blushes, but I had never made use of them as I recently have been. They have so many different choices and it is also easy to mix the two different colors to get a new third color. Not many blushes are compatible to mix so I've come to enjoy every one of my blushes even more.
If you're starting out or you are looking for new blushes, definitely give NARS a try. You won't be disappointed.
While I've always loved and enjoyed NARS products, I've come to have a new kind of appreciation for NARS blushes lately. I have several blushes from the previous years from NARS, as well as a good number of eye liner pencils and lip glosses. In my last trip to Sephora, I bought four new shades of NARS blushes and a bronzer which I can't seem to get enough of.
Usually at this time of the year, I keep my make up to a minimum. I am not sure whether it's due to the end of the semester stress; where I start all of my final projects, research papers and begin studying for my finals or whether it is because of my poor eating habits at this time of the year, or the changing of the seasons (perhaps a mixture of all of these reasons) I tend to have many break-outs. They're both ugly and all over the place. So I keep my face usually just clean and devoid of any make-up in order to avoid being an aggressor. However, I must admit my addiction to NARS blushes and this one particular bronzer I seem to wear all the time.
The very first blush I bought from NARS was their "Orgasm" (what a lovely name by the way). In my recent trip I bought Gaiety, Sin, Angelika and Desire. They go on smoothly, pigmented and build-able. Everything I love in a blush. They had so many different colors I couldn't make up my mind, it took me forever to decide. My mother eventually complained (a woman who loves make up herself). I obviously have many other NARS blushes, but I had never made use of them as I recently have been. They have so many different choices and it is also easy to mix the two different colors to get a new third color. Not many blushes are compatible to mix so I've come to enjoy every one of my blushes even more.
If you're starting out or you are looking for new blushes, definitely give NARS a try. You won't be disappointed.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
The End
Regardless of what I've said previously, letting go of certain people, it's difficult--extremely difficult. Coping with their absence, it's like withdrawal. Or so we usually think.
The thing is, by the time we get to letting go stage many things happens that sends us warning signs. When our lives and personalities are not disturbed, there are no warning signs. Perhaps those people with sixth senses smell trouble a mile away, for the rest of us regular human beings, we are content in our falsehood. For the most part, if our desires are being meet, we stay calm and in our happy worlds. After all, you can't X-ray someone's inside for evil residue. You can't scan someone's brain and come across hard evidence that will convince that person is intentionally thinking of harming you. That would have been great in preemptive agenda, however even then you still have to give the person to act on certain things. We might think of millions of things. We don't necessarily have the guts, courage and the irrationality to act on them, rightly so, we don't have to.
Thinking is not set in stone. It starts with the seed of an idea and eventually it grows, sometimes for short periods of time, sometimes for longer periods of times. Sometimes in sparks and sometimes in gradual water drops. And often the combination of the two (at least that is how my slow processor brain works). So our initial thought maybe one thing, sparked by a particular emotion, reaction, words, images or music. Then we think about it until it reaches it's final stages where we find ourselves with a conclusion, usually much different than our original idea or inspiration of an idea. Along the way we develop our opinions by such thoughts and wear their shade of glasses in viewing the world. When we get older, we go back wishing if we could have viewed the world from other glasses or shades. Well, if we hadn't then, we wouldn't have gotten to today, quite ironically. Not that the person we are today is always better our past counterparts, and neither will our future counterparts always better than ourselves today. However, there is a good possibility that our future selves will hold much greater and evolved parts of our personality, finally our ideas taking on embodiment within our bodies.
So by the time we get to leaving someone behind, or to decide to leap into the future without them, there have been many times where signs have quite brightly flashed in front of our eyes. There have been mistakes propelled by faulty logic and even more corrupt decisions that has eventually harmed our personhood, perhaps in one way, or perhaps even in more ways than one. Sometimes these mistakes are done intentionally and sometimes they are done intentionally. Only if we could always judge the world by intentions. Sadly, much to my disappointment we can't.
If the person we are trying to leave behind is someone we love, admire, respect or feel they are an essential part of who we are, or significant contributors to our soul, we feel like we are betraying them, possibly even feeling that we're betraying God. Sometimes, learning that you can't help a particular person is the grown-up thing to do, although it doesn't necessarily mean the right thing to do. But, in our decision to leave them behind, we get all the help we need, we just need to heed them.
Recently, I've decided to let go of a person from my life. Now, this person is a family member, so how successful I will be in eliminating all contact for the rest of my life is questionable. At certain times I just might have to see and talk to them. In outside of that, I have decided I want this person to have nothing to do with me. The reason behind, all of my life, this person has done more harm than good, at any given point in time. Our last fight ended badly, and quite frankly was the last straw for me. I packed my bags, wrote a very heartfelt, long and honest letter, leaving that person behind, for all I can help with, the rest of eternity. Now that a few days have gone by and my anger has subsided, I can think more logically and I instantly feel that I've made the right decision. Also, that this was something that was long coming. In our last battle, that person just gave me the necessary reason to say goodbye, something I have been unconsciously looking for the longest time.
Growing up, this person was around, more than we wanted him or her to be, less than he or she should have been. But every time he was around, he was a very negative influence that just made us feel embarrassed, shameful and hurt. We preferred when he wasn't around with us. The problem is that, he or she would make many sensational accusations, draw wild conclusions and bruise others' egos and emotions, quite intentionally in order to make him or herself feel better and cover his or her own short-comings in life. At the end of the day, he or she would leave at least one person in tears, wailing from emotional trauma. I realize that person needs a lot of help. The thing is, over the years we've tried to be blind to this truth, we've pretended there was absolutely nothing wrong. Then the next step was realizing his or her bizarre behaviors. After admitting it was wrong, we moved on to make that person realize that. It's regrettable to inform that he is still in denial stage. He had admitted to some of his own problems (we took anything we could get from him) and tried to get him the help he needed and at that point deserved. This didn't last long as s/he went back to her or his ways quite quickly. In order to help someone, that person needs to want the change and see it as a requirement for their survival. As long as this doesn't happen, having any hopes is just going to be emotionally draining to you and you only. It's not going to do anything for the person you are hoping to change.
So the warnings will flash brighter, certain words will hang heavy in the air long after the even is over and people's accumulated hate will continue to well, accumulate. For certain people even reaching their apex. While they might love you individually, no longer able to put up with the person who is constantly associated and attached to your family, will stop seeking your company, words and eventually love. Then this person's negative actions will accumulate the damage that person has done to you in your life. Whether it be continually breaking your happiness, to bringing you unhappiness intentionally, to even more dire hazards. Hazards that changes the direction of your life, taking your efforts, time and years away from you that you get reduced to nothing but a shell of your former glory.
You slowly begin to see the ripple effects of that person in your life, more and more clearly. You'll be indecisive in matters of what to do, the right policy to handle the situation. Do you let go and see who'll die first? Do you make an attempt to get rid of that person from your life? Do you wait for the opportunity to show itself? It'll be in your mind, catching up with you at the end of the day. When each new event is approaching, you'll think about it and it will start to feel like the end of the world, dark thundering clouds will hover over you and you'll have no choice but to depressed. You'll wonder what the right course of action should be. You'll play each scenario out in your mind, trying to foresee as many consequences as you possibly can. Trying to account, prevent and prepare for any of the things that could go wrong, problems could arise and the nasty whip lashes you could get. In the end you'll either come to the choice that this person needs to be left behind and take direct action to end this hazardous relationship. Other time, recognizing all the dangers of this relationship, you'll opt out to wait it out and hope for the opportunity to come at the right time to leave that person behind so you could gain your life and personality back.
I unconsciously chose the last one. I thought I was okay with it all until my last trip in which illuminated everything a little too brightly for me to bear with it any longer. Sadly for that person and inevitably for me I've moved on, leaving that person behind. Of course I chose not to do this ambiguously. A terrible fight broke out, inner feelings that's been in hiding for along time had started to seep out prior to the fight and everything came out so fast, incredibly fast. I've left and mailed in my letter.
It's sad and it makes you judge your own humanity, to leave someone behind. Is that the right thing you keep asking yourself. Have you done the right thing by turning your back and abandoning this person in your life? You seek to find the answer to this your question and ease any guilt you might have (I am not saying not everyone does). Some situations are more clear-cut than others. Some situations are more complicated and never provide the "right answer", instead they offer you the only answer you can have, just what you had to do in order to survive.
This is especially true in family situations. It's always a little harder to let go of a family due to the involvement of family on an individual's life. However, I've come to the conclusion that if the person you've decided should not partake in your life truly cared about you (me) that person would have done the best they could have to keep you and try to respect the principles that needed such respect. Just like you haven't been that selfish, sacrificing from your life, they should have sacrificed certain things from their life as well for your sake and the relationship between the two of you, the bond which should have been just as important to that person, enough to cherish and protect it as well. If you've done everything you could possibly due to salvage this person and the relationship, and there are sigh bright warnings, it's however the time to move on and you should not regret it after everything is done and said. Mostly people regret not leaving earlier, questioning why they stayed for so long.
So, here is the end to the both of us. You've been a part of my life since the day I was born. Thank you for all you have done. But it is time to lead our lives in different philosophical hemispheres without influence and interference from one another.
The thing is, by the time we get to letting go stage many things happens that sends us warning signs. When our lives and personalities are not disturbed, there are no warning signs. Perhaps those people with sixth senses smell trouble a mile away, for the rest of us regular human beings, we are content in our falsehood. For the most part, if our desires are being meet, we stay calm and in our happy worlds. After all, you can't X-ray someone's inside for evil residue. You can't scan someone's brain and come across hard evidence that will convince that person is intentionally thinking of harming you. That would have been great in preemptive agenda, however even then you still have to give the person to act on certain things. We might think of millions of things. We don't necessarily have the guts, courage and the irrationality to act on them, rightly so, we don't have to.
Thinking is not set in stone. It starts with the seed of an idea and eventually it grows, sometimes for short periods of time, sometimes for longer periods of times. Sometimes in sparks and sometimes in gradual water drops. And often the combination of the two (at least that is how my slow processor brain works). So our initial thought maybe one thing, sparked by a particular emotion, reaction, words, images or music. Then we think about it until it reaches it's final stages where we find ourselves with a conclusion, usually much different than our original idea or inspiration of an idea. Along the way we develop our opinions by such thoughts and wear their shade of glasses in viewing the world. When we get older, we go back wishing if we could have viewed the world from other glasses or shades. Well, if we hadn't then, we wouldn't have gotten to today, quite ironically. Not that the person we are today is always better our past counterparts, and neither will our future counterparts always better than ourselves today. However, there is a good possibility that our future selves will hold much greater and evolved parts of our personality, finally our ideas taking on embodiment within our bodies.
So by the time we get to leaving someone behind, or to decide to leap into the future without them, there have been many times where signs have quite brightly flashed in front of our eyes. There have been mistakes propelled by faulty logic and even more corrupt decisions that has eventually harmed our personhood, perhaps in one way, or perhaps even in more ways than one. Sometimes these mistakes are done intentionally and sometimes they are done intentionally. Only if we could always judge the world by intentions. Sadly, much to my disappointment we can't.
If the person we are trying to leave behind is someone we love, admire, respect or feel they are an essential part of who we are, or significant contributors to our soul, we feel like we are betraying them, possibly even feeling that we're betraying God. Sometimes, learning that you can't help a particular person is the grown-up thing to do, although it doesn't necessarily mean the right thing to do. But, in our decision to leave them behind, we get all the help we need, we just need to heed them.
Recently, I've decided to let go of a person from my life. Now, this person is a family member, so how successful I will be in eliminating all contact for the rest of my life is questionable. At certain times I just might have to see and talk to them. In outside of that, I have decided I want this person to have nothing to do with me. The reason behind, all of my life, this person has done more harm than good, at any given point in time. Our last fight ended badly, and quite frankly was the last straw for me. I packed my bags, wrote a very heartfelt, long and honest letter, leaving that person behind, for all I can help with, the rest of eternity. Now that a few days have gone by and my anger has subsided, I can think more logically and I instantly feel that I've made the right decision. Also, that this was something that was long coming. In our last battle, that person just gave me the necessary reason to say goodbye, something I have been unconsciously looking for the longest time.
Growing up, this person was around, more than we wanted him or her to be, less than he or she should have been. But every time he was around, he was a very negative influence that just made us feel embarrassed, shameful and hurt. We preferred when he wasn't around with us. The problem is that, he or she would make many sensational accusations, draw wild conclusions and bruise others' egos and emotions, quite intentionally in order to make him or herself feel better and cover his or her own short-comings in life. At the end of the day, he or she would leave at least one person in tears, wailing from emotional trauma. I realize that person needs a lot of help. The thing is, over the years we've tried to be blind to this truth, we've pretended there was absolutely nothing wrong. Then the next step was realizing his or her bizarre behaviors. After admitting it was wrong, we moved on to make that person realize that. It's regrettable to inform that he is still in denial stage. He had admitted to some of his own problems (we took anything we could get from him) and tried to get him the help he needed and at that point deserved. This didn't last long as s/he went back to her or his ways quite quickly. In order to help someone, that person needs to want the change and see it as a requirement for their survival. As long as this doesn't happen, having any hopes is just going to be emotionally draining to you and you only. It's not going to do anything for the person you are hoping to change.
So the warnings will flash brighter, certain words will hang heavy in the air long after the even is over and people's accumulated hate will continue to well, accumulate. For certain people even reaching their apex. While they might love you individually, no longer able to put up with the person who is constantly associated and attached to your family, will stop seeking your company, words and eventually love. Then this person's negative actions will accumulate the damage that person has done to you in your life. Whether it be continually breaking your happiness, to bringing you unhappiness intentionally, to even more dire hazards. Hazards that changes the direction of your life, taking your efforts, time and years away from you that you get reduced to nothing but a shell of your former glory.
You slowly begin to see the ripple effects of that person in your life, more and more clearly. You'll be indecisive in matters of what to do, the right policy to handle the situation. Do you let go and see who'll die first? Do you make an attempt to get rid of that person from your life? Do you wait for the opportunity to show itself? It'll be in your mind, catching up with you at the end of the day. When each new event is approaching, you'll think about it and it will start to feel like the end of the world, dark thundering clouds will hover over you and you'll have no choice but to depressed. You'll wonder what the right course of action should be. You'll play each scenario out in your mind, trying to foresee as many consequences as you possibly can. Trying to account, prevent and prepare for any of the things that could go wrong, problems could arise and the nasty whip lashes you could get. In the end you'll either come to the choice that this person needs to be left behind and take direct action to end this hazardous relationship. Other time, recognizing all the dangers of this relationship, you'll opt out to wait it out and hope for the opportunity to come at the right time to leave that person behind so you could gain your life and personality back.
I unconsciously chose the last one. I thought I was okay with it all until my last trip in which illuminated everything a little too brightly for me to bear with it any longer. Sadly for that person and inevitably for me I've moved on, leaving that person behind. Of course I chose not to do this ambiguously. A terrible fight broke out, inner feelings that's been in hiding for along time had started to seep out prior to the fight and everything came out so fast, incredibly fast. I've left and mailed in my letter.
It's sad and it makes you judge your own humanity, to leave someone behind. Is that the right thing you keep asking yourself. Have you done the right thing by turning your back and abandoning this person in your life? You seek to find the answer to this your question and ease any guilt you might have (I am not saying not everyone does). Some situations are more clear-cut than others. Some situations are more complicated and never provide the "right answer", instead they offer you the only answer you can have, just what you had to do in order to survive.
This is especially true in family situations. It's always a little harder to let go of a family due to the involvement of family on an individual's life. However, I've come to the conclusion that if the person you've decided should not partake in your life truly cared about you (me) that person would have done the best they could have to keep you and try to respect the principles that needed such respect. Just like you haven't been that selfish, sacrificing from your life, they should have sacrificed certain things from their life as well for your sake and the relationship between the two of you, the bond which should have been just as important to that person, enough to cherish and protect it as well. If you've done everything you could possibly due to salvage this person and the relationship, and there are sigh bright warnings, it's however the time to move on and you should not regret it after everything is done and said. Mostly people regret not leaving earlier, questioning why they stayed for so long.
So, here is the end to the both of us. You've been a part of my life since the day I was born. Thank you for all you have done. But it is time to lead our lives in different philosophical hemispheres without influence and interference from one another.
Monday, May 14, 2012
The end of chances
But how many chances should you give to a person, a relationship, a job,
a product? Giving second chances are essential pats of life, one I seek
often. I make many mistakes and some are horrid. I continually ask to
be forgiven and I continue to hope for my salvation and the day where
things will softly subdue in my incessant mind. Will that day ever come?
For all intents and purpose that is my biggest hope in life. But,
certain behaviors get stuck. It becomes a part of person's personality, behavior and eventually character, in a vicious circle feeding and providing for one another. That is not to say that circle doesn't get broken--it does, just not often enough. I should know. Some people, to put bluntly, don't see anything in need of altering, changing or even tweaking for that matter. They don't want to change. The bottom line is, you have to decide if you can accept that person, relationship and etc., as they are with their flaws and strengths. If you can tolerate them without any change on their half, my hat is eternally off to you. Just don't waste your time hoping and praying for a change that is never going to come, not in a million years. That's just the way some people choose to mold themselves. If someone does not see a problem, they are not going to fix it. Many of us (I mean ME) have a difficulty of facing the problems we know we have and then to confront them and fixing them is something most of us (I mean me) often avoid. Something that is not broken in our eyes, is not even going to get the consideration of getting fixed. That behavior won't even be looked into simply put.
At the end, you should give everyone a second chance before cutting off all ties, erasing them from your life and no longer stay in contact. That person deserves it, you deserve it, and the connection you had deserves it. Some people grow very sorry after certain actions and if they demonstrate their remorse, there is no reason why you shouldn't give them a second chance (under normal circumstances). But you owe it to yourself to be happy. It's not wise to have a list of things you desire in a person. You're not buying things from the grocery store in which you can pass and do without. You are not buying products that have already been packaged and created. We're talking about real human beings, who you have to accept as they are, as they have to accept you as you are. If it's not working out; if you are unhappy, if it has become dangerous, hazardous and difficult, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. You can't wait for the other person to be miraculously cured and changed by the divine hand of angels. It's just not happening. They are not going to change and only you can be held accountable for your own actions and happiness.
Sometimes it is painful and sad. Sometimes you end up being the cruel and vicious one for letting go of a person from your life. It's unfortunate. But we have to do what is right eventually and if we cannot help a person, it's better to cut off your losses where you can so firstly, they can get the lesson they need from your departure and you can continue to live a happy, healthy life, growing with more experiences you now can encounter. The sad truth is if you don't look after yourself, it's very rare to find others who will.
At the end, you should give everyone a second chance before cutting off all ties, erasing them from your life and no longer stay in contact. That person deserves it, you deserve it, and the connection you had deserves it. Some people grow very sorry after certain actions and if they demonstrate their remorse, there is no reason why you shouldn't give them a second chance (under normal circumstances). But you owe it to yourself to be happy. It's not wise to have a list of things you desire in a person. You're not buying things from the grocery store in which you can pass and do without. You are not buying products that have already been packaged and created. We're talking about real human beings, who you have to accept as they are, as they have to accept you as you are. If it's not working out; if you are unhappy, if it has become dangerous, hazardous and difficult, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. You can't wait for the other person to be miraculously cured and changed by the divine hand of angels. It's just not happening. They are not going to change and only you can be held accountable for your own actions and happiness.
Sometimes it is painful and sad. Sometimes you end up being the cruel and vicious one for letting go of a person from your life. It's unfortunate. But we have to do what is right eventually and if we cannot help a person, it's better to cut off your losses where you can so firstly, they can get the lesson they need from your departure and you can continue to live a happy, healthy life, growing with more experiences you now can encounter. The sad truth is if you don't look after yourself, it's very rare to find others who will.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Second, third and fourth chances.
We all deserve second chances. We need second chances to right our mistakes, to mold our characters and to learn what it means to be human. Humans are subjective, biased and often vain creatures. Learning to be kind often comes through difficult times and painful experiences. These experiences link us and create a continuum of human experience in which we learn to connect, relate and understand not only ourselves, but one another. Each lessons teach us something about ourselves,individuals and the societies we inhabit. Without having foil characters in our lives, we would never be able to understand ourselves. We wouldn't have anything to compare to and wouldn't have our layers peeled like an onion to get to the core. So because of these reasons, everyone needs and deserves a second chance. Second chances are hefty, but important lessons in childhood.
Second chances are important because instead of being condemned, we need chances to prove ourselves, they give us time to consider through and let all kinds of information and emotions sift through and often an understanding concludes them. Mistakes are parts of growing up. They are often the key to points in our lifetimes where we wish we could go back and change certain decisions and unsay words that might have flied out of our mouths like arrows. Mistakes grant us the room required to grow. We all make them regardless of any social, racial, religious, educational affiliations. We tend to make the most mistakes in our early years, that is probably when we learn the most and spend the rest of our lives trying to sift through those experiences in different shapes, colors, tastes and emotions. This is not to say we don't make big whoops in our adult lives, we do. But those tend to be a lot less forgiving. Nonetheless, we all require second chances in order to go on and cope with our lives. The thing is we all have to make countless mistakes in countless manners and topics before we find the right answers for ourselves, which in turn are continually questioned when the age group we are in changes and more experiences seeps in. You learn to question your rights, wrongs, the things you believe in and the principles you decide to adopt. We've all done it and we will do it time and time again. Unfortunately, I don't think it gets any easier as our personal constitutions adopts and evolves. It's good to have general guiding rules for a meaningful life we wish to posses. But just like real government constitutions we can never cover every possible point of woe and trying to do so will cause frustration, anger and even more mistakes. In general, constitutions that are shorter, have a little vague language in them goes for a long time without being changed too often. By political standards that is a good thing. So I opt out to be that way. This is not to say I don't have some detailed and pensive, silly rules. I try to keep them to a limited number though.
Second chances are important because instead of being condemned, we need chances to prove ourselves, they give us time to consider through and let all kinds of information and emotions sift through and often an understanding concludes them. Mistakes are parts of growing up. They are often the key to points in our lifetimes where we wish we could go back and change certain decisions and unsay words that might have flied out of our mouths like arrows. Mistakes grant us the room required to grow. We all make them regardless of any social, racial, religious, educational affiliations. We tend to make the most mistakes in our early years, that is probably when we learn the most and spend the rest of our lives trying to sift through those experiences in different shapes, colors, tastes and emotions. This is not to say we don't make big whoops in our adult lives, we do. But those tend to be a lot less forgiving. Nonetheless, we all require second chances in order to go on and cope with our lives. The thing is we all have to make countless mistakes in countless manners and topics before we find the right answers for ourselves, which in turn are continually questioned when the age group we are in changes and more experiences seeps in. You learn to question your rights, wrongs, the things you believe in and the principles you decide to adopt. We've all done it and we will do it time and time again. Unfortunately, I don't think it gets any easier as our personal constitutions adopts and evolves. It's good to have general guiding rules for a meaningful life we wish to posses. But just like real government constitutions we can never cover every possible point of woe and trying to do so will cause frustration, anger and even more mistakes. In general, constitutions that are shorter, have a little vague language in them goes for a long time without being changed too often. By political standards that is a good thing. So I opt out to be that way. This is not to say I don't have some detailed and pensive, silly rules. I try to keep them to a limited number though.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Ridiculousness
I am ridiculous in so many ways that sometimes it's rather pathetic. While it brings much joy to me in so many different circumstances and under certain contexts it highlights my ability to just really laugh it off. Sometimes, i find that adaptability and ability however, though rather morbid and disturbing. Have I mentioned it makes people laugh most of the time? Though, I have been known to possess crude and dark humor at times. So be forewarned.
When younger, I used to take many ( I mean everything here) things seriously and often there was no room left for humor in my life. It was a position that was taken by my brother, uncle, grandmother and many other family members. So I never was encouraged to be funny, (I doubt it was a decision that was made consciously by my family members. It was just that we already had many humorists and comedians in the family, one more would have been just absurd). I internalized as much as I aggressively and bitterly wore my emotions and adopted this vicious attitude at times. Everything was all fun and games, however just not humorous. It was a trait I lacked quite tremendously.
I think I had some serious issues--this is not to say that I still don't, because I seriously do. I never perceived comedy, being funny or being made fun of as things of aspirations. I never cared if people thought I was funny. Therefore, I had no motivation or desire to be funny. Being funny felt like an execution to me at the time. Being made fun of, or having funny traits seemed like a weakness, something I should not have to command respect and have a heavy presence. That was what I was more concerned about, to be respectable. I have no idea what got that into my mind, but that's all I could really think about well, till the end of my high school senior year. Only then, did it occur to me that humor, having the ability to freely laugh and the candid peace with yourself to be able to laugh at yourself your own mistakes was an admirable quality.
So, for the longest time, all of my attempts at being happy were well, awkward and rather off-putting. There were genuinely funny moments when I let myself go and the discrepancies between the two different cultures gave me enough room to be funny, which I craved. I wanted to be funny, but being closed off to humor, I had no idea what was funny, no appreciation of comedy and the subtly of humor. It was a foreign land for me, one which took me a long time to discover and acquire. Slowly though, I began understanding the American culture that was so foreign to me for many years. Movies in comedy genre, allowed me to understand the cultural references that defined "funny and humor". This enlightenment allowed me to enjoy stand up comedians and to see comedy in my own daily life. Still though, I sucked at being funny. My laugh began to be genuine and was free. At one point, in college, I hit my lowest point. In return, while my life literally sucked, I stopped taking myself seriously. I had made so many mistakes that nothing could have saved me at that point. All of my grace and my determination to be taken seriously, to be respected had dissipated and I've come to make peace with my faults and inner demons. I've learned to embrace the world, my goofy side and stopped worrying about being the fool. Of course, being a fool is not always a great thing, but at least I had lost the stigma I had attached to it. But I learned who I was, and that was someone who made many mistakes, someone who had a lot of prejudices, which I had shed by this time.
By becoming comfortable with who I was, which only came after learning and accepting this faulty make of a human, I laughed at myself a lot--sometimes when alone, sometimes when surrounded by others. I laughed at my self pity, I laughed at my self loathing attitude, I laughed at my rather rustic and cruel fate, I laughed at the ironic plot line of my life. I laughed at the unfashionable clothes I wore, the unfitting hair style and color I supported for a few years there. I laughed at my choice of men. I laughed at my instability and my klutzy behavior (often unintentionally). Over the years of reading loads of stories of all kinds, being in awkward situations (there is nothing more than awkward in my life) and honing my observation skills I've learned to make jokes that are best passable. I will never be a great comedian like my uncle who could make any crowd laugh. I, on the other hand cannot. My jokes often relies on heavy play of the word, personal information and close relationships. My imitations have never been great, though my imitation of my mother still is a crowd-pleaser wherever we go. My jokes rely heavily in the understandings of cultural discrepancies and bad translations.
It's not like I am seeking to be a comedian. However learning to stop taking myself so seriously and sharing the wonders of humor have done much to up lift my spirits and get me through some of the hardest and darkest times of my life.
When younger, I used to take many ( I mean everything here) things seriously and often there was no room left for humor in my life. It was a position that was taken by my brother, uncle, grandmother and many other family members. So I never was encouraged to be funny, (I doubt it was a decision that was made consciously by my family members. It was just that we already had many humorists and comedians in the family, one more would have been just absurd). I internalized as much as I aggressively and bitterly wore my emotions and adopted this vicious attitude at times. Everything was all fun and games, however just not humorous. It was a trait I lacked quite tremendously.
I think I had some serious issues--this is not to say that I still don't, because I seriously do. I never perceived comedy, being funny or being made fun of as things of aspirations. I never cared if people thought I was funny. Therefore, I had no motivation or desire to be funny. Being funny felt like an execution to me at the time. Being made fun of, or having funny traits seemed like a weakness, something I should not have to command respect and have a heavy presence. That was what I was more concerned about, to be respectable. I have no idea what got that into my mind, but that's all I could really think about well, till the end of my high school senior year. Only then, did it occur to me that humor, having the ability to freely laugh and the candid peace with yourself to be able to laugh at yourself your own mistakes was an admirable quality.
So, for the longest time, all of my attempts at being happy were well, awkward and rather off-putting. There were genuinely funny moments when I let myself go and the discrepancies between the two different cultures gave me enough room to be funny, which I craved. I wanted to be funny, but being closed off to humor, I had no idea what was funny, no appreciation of comedy and the subtly of humor. It was a foreign land for me, one which took me a long time to discover and acquire. Slowly though, I began understanding the American culture that was so foreign to me for many years. Movies in comedy genre, allowed me to understand the cultural references that defined "funny and humor". This enlightenment allowed me to enjoy stand up comedians and to see comedy in my own daily life. Still though, I sucked at being funny. My laugh began to be genuine and was free. At one point, in college, I hit my lowest point. In return, while my life literally sucked, I stopped taking myself seriously. I had made so many mistakes that nothing could have saved me at that point. All of my grace and my determination to be taken seriously, to be respected had dissipated and I've come to make peace with my faults and inner demons. I've learned to embrace the world, my goofy side and stopped worrying about being the fool. Of course, being a fool is not always a great thing, but at least I had lost the stigma I had attached to it. But I learned who I was, and that was someone who made many mistakes, someone who had a lot of prejudices, which I had shed by this time.
By becoming comfortable with who I was, which only came after learning and accepting this faulty make of a human, I laughed at myself a lot--sometimes when alone, sometimes when surrounded by others. I laughed at my self pity, I laughed at my self loathing attitude, I laughed at my rather rustic and cruel fate, I laughed at the ironic plot line of my life. I laughed at the unfashionable clothes I wore, the unfitting hair style and color I supported for a few years there. I laughed at my choice of men. I laughed at my instability and my klutzy behavior (often unintentionally). Over the years of reading loads of stories of all kinds, being in awkward situations (there is nothing more than awkward in my life) and honing my observation skills I've learned to make jokes that are best passable. I will never be a great comedian like my uncle who could make any crowd laugh. I, on the other hand cannot. My jokes often relies on heavy play of the word, personal information and close relationships. My imitations have never been great, though my imitation of my mother still is a crowd-pleaser wherever we go. My jokes rely heavily in the understandings of cultural discrepancies and bad translations.
It's not like I am seeking to be a comedian. However learning to stop taking myself so seriously and sharing the wonders of humor have done much to up lift my spirits and get me through some of the hardest and darkest times of my life.
Friday, May 11, 2012
TRESemme
Shampoos? Who cares? I usually don't care too much about it, until it obviously stops working. I am not one that changes shampoos so often. Once I find something that works, I kind of stick to it like a glue.
In the past three years of my life, I have become quite addicted to Tresemme. I used to use Pantene and well it no longer was able to fulfill it's purposes. Tresemme has great specials usually in many grocery and drug stores. They come at big sizes that is altered specifically for the kind of result you are looking for. You can look for one that removes build-up, volumizing, split remedy and so on and so forth. They have lines that includes shampoos, conditioners, serums, milks, masks, gels, sprays and so on and so forth.
If you're looking for a new change for your hair and you care about your hair enough to make changes, go with TRESemme.
In the past three years of my life, I have become quite addicted to Tresemme. I used to use Pantene and well it no longer was able to fulfill it's purposes. Tresemme has great specials usually in many grocery and drug stores. They come at big sizes that is altered specifically for the kind of result you are looking for. You can look for one that removes build-up, volumizing, split remedy and so on and so forth. They have lines that includes shampoos, conditioners, serums, milks, masks, gels, sprays and so on and so forth.
If you're looking for a new change for your hair and you care about your hair enough to make changes, go with TRESemme.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
United States of Malls
This seems to be the theme of my week. Everyone is talking about shopping, malls and stores and fashion.
While I do love clothes, and looking a certain way that I feel represents me in the way I want to be represented, I am not fond of the mall. I am not going to say I've never been interested in Malls, considering I spent a good portion of my high school years in malls. In ninth, tenth and even to an extent eleventh grade, I spent most of my Fridays at the mall, roaming around with my two friends. Though I never did shop much, mall I went to every Friday with those two girls, after school like clock work, like they took some sort of attendance and awarded points or medals at the end of the year or something.
Though, since my 19th year on this planet the habit of mall going has changed tremendously. I get bored and irritable at the malls. I also become tedious, complain endlessly and become somewhat of a jerk. My maximum time limit at the mall is about 15 minutes, where I check one or two stores at most and then go home. The crowd, the lines, the crazy people who seems to race and battle each other for the best sense of fashion, or to be crowned the shopping queen. These are things that are tedious and boring to me. I feel marginalized in these stores. Usually going to the mall is like a chore, where I must get what I need. I also believe that you can have too many clothes, like if you're not wearing things in your closet even once in a season. Then you have too many clothes and you are throwing your money away. You shouldn't buy things you are not going to use, wear, or give away. Now if you're buying things to donate, that is different. I don't think you can donate too much at any given time. Donation is a must for the society and the soul. Considering though most of us don't actually go to the mall to buy clothes and necessities to donate.
I also find that these are clothes everyone is going to wear. It feels a little eerie to be honest. Wearing the exact same thing, as everyone else. I love my own sense of style (needless to say it is never great) I don't actually like following the fashion. Things become the IT thing to wear and IT thing not to wear. Just because some person says this is how they imagine the spring, I don't find myself compelled to wear and execute his or her vision. It's an absurd idea. I've always been fond of wearing what appeals to me and what seems to highlight the ideas that I feel are important aspects of myself to represent and tell others about myself.
So, Malls are not good for me and they also get me depressed. My hopes of humanity diminish slowly through the malls of the World in general.
While I do love clothes, and looking a certain way that I feel represents me in the way I want to be represented, I am not fond of the mall. I am not going to say I've never been interested in Malls, considering I spent a good portion of my high school years in malls. In ninth, tenth and even to an extent eleventh grade, I spent most of my Fridays at the mall, roaming around with my two friends. Though I never did shop much, mall I went to every Friday with those two girls, after school like clock work, like they took some sort of attendance and awarded points or medals at the end of the year or something.
Though, since my 19th year on this planet the habit of mall going has changed tremendously. I get bored and irritable at the malls. I also become tedious, complain endlessly and become somewhat of a jerk. My maximum time limit at the mall is about 15 minutes, where I check one or two stores at most and then go home. The crowd, the lines, the crazy people who seems to race and battle each other for the best sense of fashion, or to be crowned the shopping queen. These are things that are tedious and boring to me. I feel marginalized in these stores. Usually going to the mall is like a chore, where I must get what I need. I also believe that you can have too many clothes, like if you're not wearing things in your closet even once in a season. Then you have too many clothes and you are throwing your money away. You shouldn't buy things you are not going to use, wear, or give away. Now if you're buying things to donate, that is different. I don't think you can donate too much at any given time. Donation is a must for the society and the soul. Considering though most of us don't actually go to the mall to buy clothes and necessities to donate.
I also find that these are clothes everyone is going to wear. It feels a little eerie to be honest. Wearing the exact same thing, as everyone else. I love my own sense of style (needless to say it is never great) I don't actually like following the fashion. Things become the IT thing to wear and IT thing not to wear. Just because some person says this is how they imagine the spring, I don't find myself compelled to wear and execute his or her vision. It's an absurd idea. I've always been fond of wearing what appeals to me and what seems to highlight the ideas that I feel are important aspects of myself to represent and tell others about myself.
So, Malls are not good for me and they also get me depressed. My hopes of humanity diminish slowly through the malls of the World in general.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Sailor Moon
Ah, who hasn't watched Sailor Moon, if you were a kid in the late 1990's and perhaps early 2000's.
The first anime I had ever watched was Sailor Moon and shortly after it, DragonBall Z. These were my first introductions to anime and well, I was enchanted right away. From there on, I became an adamant reader and watcher of both manga and the anime, much with joy and fascination. Which through the years accumulated to a intermediate understanding of the Japanese culture and language, which even further inspired me to understand and learn about the Japanese history, language and culture. Japan is number four in my list of places I want to visit the most. The list has 25 entries in it.
Now, the truth about Sailor Moon is that it is what it is. It's inspiring, it's enchanting and it's magical. There are a lot of different opinions and lenses to view Sailor Moon from. There are of course a lot of errors, inconsistencies and just certain things I do wish would have been different for continuum sake. I also would have loved the Sailor Moon series to be longer with more intricate details given and a deeper analysis shown throughout the stories. But I can't complain as Sailor Moon has given me my first streak of analytical, imaginative skills and my first real attempt at writing my own stories. Obviously, mine was a remake of Sailor Moon, with my own Sailor Senshi. Not very original, however it was an attempt which I will forever cherish as it gave me the confidence and the courage necessary to discover new worlds without prejudice and bias. It has introduced me to the wonderful world of manga and anime; two things to this day still influence my imagination and creative streak (my creative streak is in a short supply). SM has fostered an interest and appreciation for Science Fiction and Fantasy genres of anything that wouldn't be there without the help and introduction of Sailor Moon at the age of 13. I might other wise, never have been interested in Fantasy and Science Fiction genres. So I owe many thanks to Sailor Moon.
Other things I owe thanks to Sailor Moon is that time and time again it is a manga I can come back to and renew my childhood and reminiscence of my younger days without agony and regret. I can easily go back and identify my dreams, hopes and wishes of a teenager through Sailor Moon; in short it holds the key to a past era of mine. Whenever I feel sad, depressed there is nothing like picking up any chapter or arc of Sailor Moon and at the end see the final result of my spirits lifted, my new hopes shining brightly and my new found determination and courage. After reading through the story arcs, it leaves me with new ideas and allows me to focus on more women empowerment and reenforcing my long held views and long held desires are rekindled where I work voraciously to write new stories (most of them not so great) but it always gives me the jolt I need to restart working.
This is going to be a repeat, however, while I always had a sucky, but active imagination Sailor Moon and other manga and anime always has the potential to take my breath away. They always leave me with a new surge of ideas, inspired by them, questions asked, answered and even more questions awakened within my mind and lessons of humanity that stay true across the world and the differences between different cultures have always lead me to read books and watch movies from different cultures. With Sailor Moon, in my attempt to create something as great as Sailor Moon, I created a whole line of Senshi in which I don't even remember their names. By giving me that first courage to tempt me into putting something on paper I opened a whole new door for myself. My ability as a writer is still in it's early stages. I need to learn much. But with that first story, many stories followed, sometimes one succeeding the other, while there were times where I did not write or think about a story for a whole year. Whatever happened, without Sailor Moon's inspiration in my life, I would have never been this dedicated to writing and directing all of my efforts in a career in writing. I would have been lost without writing, searching for a purpose and a way to avail all of my bitterness, my problems with my self, the world in general would have never come to it's apex and I would have never learned to solve them properly. I would have never learned to be so frank about myself and come to accept myself as I am without the honesty that Sailor Moon encompasses in it's stories weaved through it's different arcs. Sailor Moon always gives me the strength I need to face myself.
The first anime I had ever watched was Sailor Moon and shortly after it, DragonBall Z. These were my first introductions to anime and well, I was enchanted right away. From there on, I became an adamant reader and watcher of both manga and the anime, much with joy and fascination. Which through the years accumulated to a intermediate understanding of the Japanese culture and language, which even further inspired me to understand and learn about the Japanese history, language and culture. Japan is number four in my list of places I want to visit the most. The list has 25 entries in it.
Now, the truth about Sailor Moon is that it is what it is. It's inspiring, it's enchanting and it's magical. There are a lot of different opinions and lenses to view Sailor Moon from. There are of course a lot of errors, inconsistencies and just certain things I do wish would have been different for continuum sake. I also would have loved the Sailor Moon series to be longer with more intricate details given and a deeper analysis shown throughout the stories. But I can't complain as Sailor Moon has given me my first streak of analytical, imaginative skills and my first real attempt at writing my own stories. Obviously, mine was a remake of Sailor Moon, with my own Sailor Senshi. Not very original, however it was an attempt which I will forever cherish as it gave me the confidence and the courage necessary to discover new worlds without prejudice and bias. It has introduced me to the wonderful world of manga and anime; two things to this day still influence my imagination and creative streak (my creative streak is in a short supply). SM has fostered an interest and appreciation for Science Fiction and Fantasy genres of anything that wouldn't be there without the help and introduction of Sailor Moon at the age of 13. I might other wise, never have been interested in Fantasy and Science Fiction genres. So I owe many thanks to Sailor Moon.
Other things I owe thanks to Sailor Moon is that time and time again it is a manga I can come back to and renew my childhood and reminiscence of my younger days without agony and regret. I can easily go back and identify my dreams, hopes and wishes of a teenager through Sailor Moon; in short it holds the key to a past era of mine. Whenever I feel sad, depressed there is nothing like picking up any chapter or arc of Sailor Moon and at the end see the final result of my spirits lifted, my new hopes shining brightly and my new found determination and courage. After reading through the story arcs, it leaves me with new ideas and allows me to focus on more women empowerment and reenforcing my long held views and long held desires are rekindled where I work voraciously to write new stories (most of them not so great) but it always gives me the jolt I need to restart working.
This is going to be a repeat, however, while I always had a sucky, but active imagination Sailor Moon and other manga and anime always has the potential to take my breath away. They always leave me with a new surge of ideas, inspired by them, questions asked, answered and even more questions awakened within my mind and lessons of humanity that stay true across the world and the differences between different cultures have always lead me to read books and watch movies from different cultures. With Sailor Moon, in my attempt to create something as great as Sailor Moon, I created a whole line of Senshi in which I don't even remember their names. By giving me that first courage to tempt me into putting something on paper I opened a whole new door for myself. My ability as a writer is still in it's early stages. I need to learn much. But with that first story, many stories followed, sometimes one succeeding the other, while there were times where I did not write or think about a story for a whole year. Whatever happened, without Sailor Moon's inspiration in my life, I would have never been this dedicated to writing and directing all of my efforts in a career in writing. I would have been lost without writing, searching for a purpose and a way to avail all of my bitterness, my problems with my self, the world in general would have never come to it's apex and I would have never learned to solve them properly. I would have never learned to be so frank about myself and come to accept myself as I am without the honesty that Sailor Moon encompasses in it's stories weaved through it's different arcs. Sailor Moon always gives me the strength I need to face myself.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Faring on your own.
I can't possibly say that I am one of the people who best knows how to fend for myself and fare well on my own. I have fended for myself, for as long as I can remember, however I was never completely alone. It is true, I live by myself and don't have a very large group of friends--by preference. I never really received much "help" in any department of my life, except one. While, I've taken care of myself, mostly, I've always had at least one person who has supported me immensely.
It is true I have never had a great father role in my life. We've always been on the opposing sides of life. I probably have argued with my father more than anybody else on this planet. I've probably received the most harm and punches (symbolically) from him. My father is...well who he is and unfortunately he will never change, no matter what people say, beg and tell him. he has never been great with promises and he is sadly weak to alcohol as it makes his tongue run rampant. He is also oblivious to life's lessons and is anti-change to the highest centralization and degree. I've learned much from my father's always absently there presence who has never been able to stand up to anyone but us and his inability to loyally protect. So, early on, my brother and I learned to develop thick skins and have learned to roll with punches. We didn't look to our father to protect us, instead we learned to protect ourselves efficiently. We've learned not to count on him, because at the end, the one who cries has always been us.
However, despite all of that, my mother has always safely tugged us underneath her vast wings that has allowed us to grow and become independent as we have secretly swore to loyalty to no other. She protect us to the last swing of the sword as they say and she has allowed us to prosper with our own hands, abilities and skills. We were molded and have become the people who we are, by ourselves with great blocks supporting us from the ground up. So we have learned that at the end, really we know best for ourselves, we have come to the epiphany that we should be the only ones making decisions for ourselves, not others on our behalf. We have learned to ask, take and protect what is ours, because my father had never done so and we have faced many perils because of that. Now, do try to take what is mine, I dare you :). We sway wherever the wind decides to take us, true enough, however not anywhere where we have no say whatsoever.
I've kicked, punched, scream, cried or stormed through many people, and places, both literally and figuratively. I haven't always decided on what is right, or took the actions that were the best way to protect myself. I have eventually harmed myself while trying to protect myself--sometimes due to my own cowardice, incapability, or pure disillusionment. I have, however grown and learn much from that. I am hoping to vanquish such weaknesses in the future to become strong, truly strong and to be able to take anything head on as I am not quite there yet.
So I will fend myself from now on, hopefully successfully minimizing any betrayal and disarming destruction and harm along the way.
It is true I have never had a great father role in my life. We've always been on the opposing sides of life. I probably have argued with my father more than anybody else on this planet. I've probably received the most harm and punches (symbolically) from him. My father is...well who he is and unfortunately he will never change, no matter what people say, beg and tell him. he has never been great with promises and he is sadly weak to alcohol as it makes his tongue run rampant. He is also oblivious to life's lessons and is anti-change to the highest centralization and degree. I've learned much from my father's always absently there presence who has never been able to stand up to anyone but us and his inability to loyally protect. So, early on, my brother and I learned to develop thick skins and have learned to roll with punches. We didn't look to our father to protect us, instead we learned to protect ourselves efficiently. We've learned not to count on him, because at the end, the one who cries has always been us.
However, despite all of that, my mother has always safely tugged us underneath her vast wings that has allowed us to grow and become independent as we have secretly swore to loyalty to no other. She protect us to the last swing of the sword as they say and she has allowed us to prosper with our own hands, abilities and skills. We were molded and have become the people who we are, by ourselves with great blocks supporting us from the ground up. So we have learned that at the end, really we know best for ourselves, we have come to the epiphany that we should be the only ones making decisions for ourselves, not others on our behalf. We have learned to ask, take and protect what is ours, because my father had never done so and we have faced many perils because of that. Now, do try to take what is mine, I dare you :). We sway wherever the wind decides to take us, true enough, however not anywhere where we have no say whatsoever.
I've kicked, punched, scream, cried or stormed through many people, and places, both literally and figuratively. I haven't always decided on what is right, or took the actions that were the best way to protect myself. I have eventually harmed myself while trying to protect myself--sometimes due to my own cowardice, incapability, or pure disillusionment. I have, however grown and learn much from that. I am hoping to vanquish such weaknesses in the future to become strong, truly strong and to be able to take anything head on as I am not quite there yet.
So I will fend myself from now on, hopefully successfully minimizing any betrayal and disarming destruction and harm along the way.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Dior Foundations
On a further branching out of my make-up rant that has been sneaking up on me for the past two years or so, I've decided to talk more about what I know about cosmetology in general which obviously includes make-up.
I've tried a large number of make-up products, probably not as much as of many of the so called YouTube gurus out there.
But what I've found is that (although I am not someone that wears foundation in her daily make-up) Dior foundations works out the best for me. I've found that most drug-store shadows are probably not as well as high-end store shadows. But drug store eye-shadow are more usable and something I've decided to invest in rather than in high-end ones. I can buy more shadows from the drug-store brands and get the same look as I can from high-end eye shadows. To me getting MAC or any other professional brand seems like a waste of money when I can buy more colors with the same amount of money invested when it comes to eye shadows.
Foundation however, I've found that paying extra serves me well and in it, I've found Dior foundations to fit me the most. Since I don't wear foundation daily and when I do wear it, it is to go to an important event or to celebrate an important occasion in which I find myself desiring to look my best. It is in these times I reach out for a foundation to complete my look that also gives a base to my make-up and cover my entire skin. I have a dry, sensitive skin that is prone to break-outs. Instead of covering over my pores with a drug-store foundation, investing in a high-end foundation pays off well at the end.
Dior foundations are easy to work with, easier to blend and leaves a great finish that completes any look that is possible to go for in the different categories of looks.
I've tried a large number of make-up products, probably not as much as of many of the so called YouTube gurus out there.
But what I've found is that (although I am not someone that wears foundation in her daily make-up) Dior foundations works out the best for me. I've found that most drug-store shadows are probably not as well as high-end store shadows. But drug store eye-shadow are more usable and something I've decided to invest in rather than in high-end ones. I can buy more shadows from the drug-store brands and get the same look as I can from high-end eye shadows. To me getting MAC or any other professional brand seems like a waste of money when I can buy more colors with the same amount of money invested when it comes to eye shadows.
Foundation however, I've found that paying extra serves me well and in it, I've found Dior foundations to fit me the most. Since I don't wear foundation daily and when I do wear it, it is to go to an important event or to celebrate an important occasion in which I find myself desiring to look my best. It is in these times I reach out for a foundation to complete my look that also gives a base to my make-up and cover my entire skin. I have a dry, sensitive skin that is prone to break-outs. Instead of covering over my pores with a drug-store foundation, investing in a high-end foundation pays off well at the end.
Dior foundations are easy to work with, easier to blend and leaves a great finish that completes any look that is possible to go for in the different categories of looks.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Love in General
While I am a critic of relationships and possess a healthy dose of cynicism towards "love" today, it doesn't meant that I don't particularly believe in love. The truth is, I do. I do believe there are people lucky enough to experience true, ever lasting love. Though, I believe their numbers are far too little and far too in between. I also believe they are extraordinary people who suffers thoroughly for the price of their love. I think it's one of the fundamentals of life. There is nothing for "free" to put it in simple terms. There is a price for everything and for everything we must pay prices that goes far beyond the currency of dollars, euros, dinars and liras.
Inherently, humanity is selfish for the purposes of existing. It's just coded into our DNA and it's something we can hardly escape. Though we write about heroic, knightly behavior in our epic poems, tales, elegies and dramas, it's something hardly many of us posses in our regular days where we struggle to make ends, deadlines and demands of having many identities fit. This leaves very little room to the sacrificial demands of love, compromise and the harbor those deep and noble thoughts and feelings love requires of an individual and a couple eventually.
So this translates into highly improbably statistics of love finding an individual nowadays in the modern world where we are trying to get to a higher level than those around us, her, him, they...and so on and so forth. Where we must constantly think of our wages, the security of our wages, the comforts of our lives, the more comforts we seek, how to acquire those comforts, and all the parties we could possibly attend. There is very little room for fantastical thoughts such as love and God in the post modern world.
Though, however, while many of us lives our lives through little lies, and the bigger lie we tell not to others, but are blind to ourselves also, we love the idea of love. So while many of us lives through without experiencing love, there are those individuals that I envy thoroughly who has experienced love, and sometimes even more than once. I used to think it's impossible to love more than once, and perhaps it still is. Though I think it's possible, just one must have a very large heart and a very open and transparent one at that. One I do not possess.
While, love exists, just many of us are not fortunate enough to live through it in our life time.
Inherently, humanity is selfish for the purposes of existing. It's just coded into our DNA and it's something we can hardly escape. Though we write about heroic, knightly behavior in our epic poems, tales, elegies and dramas, it's something hardly many of us posses in our regular days where we struggle to make ends, deadlines and demands of having many identities fit. This leaves very little room to the sacrificial demands of love, compromise and the harbor those deep and noble thoughts and feelings love requires of an individual and a couple eventually.
So this translates into highly improbably statistics of love finding an individual nowadays in the modern world where we are trying to get to a higher level than those around us, her, him, they...and so on and so forth. Where we must constantly think of our wages, the security of our wages, the comforts of our lives, the more comforts we seek, how to acquire those comforts, and all the parties we could possibly attend. There is very little room for fantastical thoughts such as love and God in the post modern world.
Though, however, while many of us lives our lives through little lies, and the bigger lie we tell not to others, but are blind to ourselves also, we love the idea of love. So while many of us lives through without experiencing love, there are those individuals that I envy thoroughly who has experienced love, and sometimes even more than once. I used to think it's impossible to love more than once, and perhaps it still is. Though I think it's possible, just one must have a very large heart and a very open and transparent one at that. One I do not possess.
While, love exists, just many of us are not fortunate enough to live through it in our life time.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Taxes
Ah, the time of my dreading, Income Tax deadlines. Now, don't get me wrong. I believe in governments right to tax and the need to tax to both serve it's state and sovereign purposes and to reuse that money to give back to it's citizens. As a political science major, I've always believed in the good of tax collecting. After all, this has been done for centuries and centuries. Though it's been in practice for a long time, an average citizens' reaction to it stays the same. Most of us hate, dread paying taxes. Now the money that gets cut automatically from our pay checks is something we never see and have learned to live with it or, well perhaps the right phrase would be to live without it.
While I do love paying my taxes, I don't particularly love getting my income taxes done. It always costs me more than what the taxing services company says it will cost me and I never get back as much as they originally promise me, so I have been rolling around from one company to another for the past few years. Though, mine is no woe considering the large sums of money others pay. While the money that gets out of our pockets are always a hindrance to us, as we always consider the things we could have done with that money, it also usually serves a good purpose. Though I don't ever support wars and bans on women's rights, and their right to rule over their own bodies. Taxes are an established and practiced principle of life in anywhere in the world.
I just wish the wealthier top 20 percent of the country paid their shares considering they run this country.
While I do love paying my taxes, I don't particularly love getting my income taxes done. It always costs me more than what the taxing services company says it will cost me and I never get back as much as they originally promise me, so I have been rolling around from one company to another for the past few years. Though, mine is no woe considering the large sums of money others pay. While the money that gets out of our pockets are always a hindrance to us, as we always consider the things we could have done with that money, it also usually serves a good purpose. Though I don't ever support wars and bans on women's rights, and their right to rule over their own bodies. Taxes are an established and practiced principle of life in anywhere in the world.
I just wish the wealthier top 20 percent of the country paid their shares considering they run this country.
Friday, May 4, 2012
No Internet
While I was away from home in Rochester, I decided to cancel my internet account. I wasn't very happy with it and it was also costing me a lot of money, more than it should via other service providers.
Anyway, now that I do not actually have internet, I've come to appreciate it more. I never truly realized how much I depended on the internet to do my research, how much time it filled up in my day and how much it amused me, from listening to music to watching various videos via YouTube.
Well, so no more internet for me, for a while. I have a lot of things to do this month, more than I ever thought I bargained for and it just might be a bit difficult to do all of them with the internet around. Let's be honest, how many of us DON'T get distracted by the all too easy one click away websites and other things we do on the net. I know I do. Even though I like to think I don't, I get distracted all the time, getting off on all sorts of tangents.
I also want to focus more on my studies, spending more time on reading and also prayers. With the lack of accesibility to the internet around my home, I'll have no choice but to actually do my work, other wise come on, who can just stay home all the time (even for a homebody like me) without doing other things. I mean I clean, cook and keep my place orderly, out of mess. But really, it doesn't take extreme amount of time each and every day. Even when you're a neat and clean freak like I am. As much as I love staring out of my window or taking my time to think and unwind, it's not always feasible. So this gives me the extra nudge that I need to get more work done around the house, give myself the extra motivation to read an extra chapter and do more craft projects that I have always been dying to do, but always complained there just weren't enough time in the day. Now, I believe I will have enough time in the day :)
Also, this will give me more time to thoroughly think, write more stories and reflect. I think I can use this particularly at this stage of my life
Additionally, a challenge to the mind, body and soul, now who doesn't appreciate that? I know I do. This will be a better way to simplify my life as I complicate more things.
World, here I come, without the internet. Embrace me!
Anyway, now that I do not actually have internet, I've come to appreciate it more. I never truly realized how much I depended on the internet to do my research, how much time it filled up in my day and how much it amused me, from listening to music to watching various videos via YouTube.
Well, so no more internet for me, for a while. I have a lot of things to do this month, more than I ever thought I bargained for and it just might be a bit difficult to do all of them with the internet around. Let's be honest, how many of us DON'T get distracted by the all too easy one click away websites and other things we do on the net. I know I do. Even though I like to think I don't, I get distracted all the time, getting off on all sorts of tangents.
I also want to focus more on my studies, spending more time on reading and also prayers. With the lack of accesibility to the internet around my home, I'll have no choice but to actually do my work, other wise come on, who can just stay home all the time (even for a homebody like me) without doing other things. I mean I clean, cook and keep my place orderly, out of mess. But really, it doesn't take extreme amount of time each and every day. Even when you're a neat and clean freak like I am. As much as I love staring out of my window or taking my time to think and unwind, it's not always feasible. So this gives me the extra nudge that I need to get more work done around the house, give myself the extra motivation to read an extra chapter and do more craft projects that I have always been dying to do, but always complained there just weren't enough time in the day. Now, I believe I will have enough time in the day :)
Also, this will give me more time to thoroughly think, write more stories and reflect. I think I can use this particularly at this stage of my life
Additionally, a challenge to the mind, body and soul, now who doesn't appreciate that? I know I do. This will be a better way to simplify my life as I complicate more things.
World, here I come, without the internet. Embrace me!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Make-up, cosmetology or whatever else you'd like to call it (2)
So then why do I love make-up and why do I think there should be other points of view available to women and make up?
Firstly, women should be able to choose whether they want to wear make up or not. I know plenty of women who wear no make up at all. I also know plenty of women who criticizes women who wears make up, just as much as women who criticizes women who opts out to not wear make-up. Either is wrong. What our societies define as beautiful and feminine should not be a cap or a limit to our own decisions and personalities. If a woman doesn't wear make-up her femininity and beauty should not come under jurisprudence. We are not objects to be judged and ruled over as "feminine", "not feminine enough", "beautiful", "not beautiful", or more crudely "ugly".
Women should be given enough freedom to grow and stretch out their wings and let their personalities take a hold of themselves without their womanhood, femininity and beauty questioned, judged and persecuted for it. Women come in many shapes, sizes, colors and personalities. Some of us don't like anything that is feminine and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH US. Some of us likes a lot of the pink, the pearls, the pencil skirts and the ivory lace over our curtains. Some of us likes the extremely bright colors with mismatching clothes and accessories that does not "complete" a look. Some of us are rebels with leathers and Mohawks with piercings, tattoos anywhere and everywhere possibly imaginable. There are many different possible combinations that would take years and millions of pages to recount and recite. We should be able to become who we want to be, comfortably wearing our personalities as we like and see fit. There shouldn't be a society that deems it ugly or not appropriate for a woman. We shouldn't be left out and punished for the person we choose to become. We are as different as any kind of possible personalities out there, because we are human. We cannot all be this one particular person for all of the men inhabiting that society.
For all of these reasons I think make-up is great. One day when my heart is in it, I can become that sultry seductress who just wants to have fun, the next day I can become that innocent girl next door with absolutely no make up, who is just going about her day. I can become a glamorous, reincarnated Roman Goddess in hopes to charm those who worship me, or a chic, modern woman with a polished look that will give me the confidence I may need in a room full of men who will be more focused on what I've worn and how I've worn it rather than my life accomplishments, success and the thrilling new idea that I have brought which will set who or whatever I work for from the rest of those in the industry I have chosen to be in. I (or any woman) can be any "kind of woman" I (or she) has chosen to be in numerous different ways. I can also choose to be none of them.
I find make-up exciting, fresh and a medium that will allow me to become who I want to be for that particular time, hour, day, allowing me to expression both my thoughts and emotions that drives my life decisions. Make-up enables me to high light my very own decisions that I have decided to display and wear to the world. It allows me to demonstrate the personalities I have chosen to make public for that hour, day, time. Make-up can be a freeing medium that can allow a woman to grow in an artistic way, creatively leaving her own impression on the very men who set out to define her.
Firstly, women should be able to choose whether they want to wear make up or not. I know plenty of women who wear no make up at all. I also know plenty of women who criticizes women who wears make up, just as much as women who criticizes women who opts out to not wear make-up. Either is wrong. What our societies define as beautiful and feminine should not be a cap or a limit to our own decisions and personalities. If a woman doesn't wear make-up her femininity and beauty should not come under jurisprudence. We are not objects to be judged and ruled over as "feminine", "not feminine enough", "beautiful", "not beautiful", or more crudely "ugly".
Women should be given enough freedom to grow and stretch out their wings and let their personalities take a hold of themselves without their womanhood, femininity and beauty questioned, judged and persecuted for it. Women come in many shapes, sizes, colors and personalities. Some of us don't like anything that is feminine and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH US. Some of us likes a lot of the pink, the pearls, the pencil skirts and the ivory lace over our curtains. Some of us likes the extremely bright colors with mismatching clothes and accessories that does not "complete" a look. Some of us are rebels with leathers and Mohawks with piercings, tattoos anywhere and everywhere possibly imaginable. There are many different possible combinations that would take years and millions of pages to recount and recite. We should be able to become who we want to be, comfortably wearing our personalities as we like and see fit. There shouldn't be a society that deems it ugly or not appropriate for a woman. We shouldn't be left out and punished for the person we choose to become. We are as different as any kind of possible personalities out there, because we are human. We cannot all be this one particular person for all of the men inhabiting that society.
For all of these reasons I think make-up is great. One day when my heart is in it, I can become that sultry seductress who just wants to have fun, the next day I can become that innocent girl next door with absolutely no make up, who is just going about her day. I can become a glamorous, reincarnated Roman Goddess in hopes to charm those who worship me, or a chic, modern woman with a polished look that will give me the confidence I may need in a room full of men who will be more focused on what I've worn and how I've worn it rather than my life accomplishments, success and the thrilling new idea that I have brought which will set who or whatever I work for from the rest of those in the industry I have chosen to be in. I (or any woman) can be any "kind of woman" I (or she) has chosen to be in numerous different ways. I can also choose to be none of them.
I find make-up exciting, fresh and a medium that will allow me to become who I want to be for that particular time, hour, day, allowing me to expression both my thoughts and emotions that drives my life decisions. Make-up enables me to high light my very own decisions that I have decided to display and wear to the world. It allows me to demonstrate the personalities I have chosen to make public for that hour, day, time. Make-up can be a freeing medium that can allow a woman to grow in an artistic way, creatively leaving her own impression on the very men who set out to define her.
Make-up, cosmetology or whatever else you'd like to call it.
Make up is one of those things I love and find expressive. I love the art of make-up, it's inherent ability perceived by the modern woman. While some may see it as necessity to be out at public, while others might see it as false advertisement and others find it another creative way to express themselves. Some see it as an oppression against women which forces them to feel one way about their looks and focus on their imperfections and physical qualities they are lacking. While all of these may hold true at one point or another it is not wise to cast make up aside as just one thing rather than many.
It is true that with the invention of make up as we know can be called a campaign to unify the way women look, define the acceptable margins of beauty and force women to fit in to a certain category and change our appearances to be found more pleasurable to the sight of society. However, make up is not an invention of the modern world and of the modern women. Women in ancient Egypt (way before the time of Jesus, while evidence conflicts some say as early as 4,000 B.C.) has worn make up for different occasions and various reasons. The ideology of cosmetics exists within all cultures throughout different points in time, this includes women in Japan in 1000 A.D., Ancient Greek and Roman women, the Pictish women, Celtic women and the women of many Germanic tribes. So, anyone who argues that make-up just one of the atrocities of the modern world, you can tell them to hit the history books and study various cultures since the beginning of time and the habits of these societies.
The purpose of make up may have differed in ancient times then today (although I will argue that not drastically), it is an intersecting interest of women across the globe. Many women, whether they live in the Americas, Europe, Middle East, or Asia wear make up to enhance their looks, hide away the things we call imperfections. To that extent it is true that make-up reinforces one kind ideal of beauty, enforcing women to be a certain way that is acceptable by their societies and made to feel bad about the qualities they do not possess. For example, women who have smaller eyes, darker skin, non-defined facial bone structure, skin that is problematic, discolored and scarred may feel that their looks as they are won't be accepted and therefore to be accepted members of their society they must apply make up on to their faces to become "normal". To this extent make up or any kind of cosmetics is oppressive to any woman, living in any part of the world, at any given point in time. However, this is not the only use of cosmetics and just this one particular view of make up is not complete.
By covering such "imperfections" as listed above might make one argue about the "false advertisement" component of make-up, along with dyed hair colors, changed eye colors and the padded bras to enhance a woman's chest area in all hopes of attracting the attention of the desired sex (whether this be the male or the female sex). To an extent that is true. I might cover a blemish by my chin, a scar on my forehead and with the use of make up, make my complexion appear younger, healthier, and dewy. I might apply a blush to give color to my otherwise dull and colorless face. With different techniques I could make it so that my eyes appear larger, giving the effect of a sultry seductress, my lips fuller and therefore more kissable. All of this is true. I can dye my dark brunette hair red or blonde, or black. I can change my eye color to fit in more with the Americans I coexist with. I can use padded or push up bras to have a more enticing chest and wear tighter clothes to look more "feminine". I and anyone who wishes to do so, could do so. To that extent make-up gives us another skin, a mask to hide under, perhaps lower our inhibitions, principles, ideals, values, give us an appearance we do not possess. Again though, to this extent while this might hold true, viewing cosmetics solely from this point of view will also hinder anyone unable to understand women in general.
When we go back through the decades we find that there were different kinds of hair styles that were more popular, make up styles that people seemed to idealize in particular times, in particular countries that have left their impressions even in history books. While different cultures define femininity differently, ideal beauty changes even within the most strictest cultures throughout history. And, unfortunately and most sadly what societies define as feminine and beautiful are done so by men in those societies as most of the world is one big patriarchal society. In addition to that we accept the definitions and premises set by men. In return so many women cover these flaws to fit into the patriarchal definitions of beauty and femininity and embraces the mask of beauty that is highly desired in their societies to please not only potential mates, but also to be an acceptable, functioning member of our societies. Just look at our media. Magazines are full of "beautiful people". We are even cheer on for people with serious psychological problems because of their so called irresistible beauty. Behaviors that are unacceptable as binge drinking, unhealthy dieting, unsafe sexual behaviors are widely publicized in glamorous ways across magazines, tabloids and our television channels. The movies we watch, the shows we follow usually surround people of extreme beauty and fit bodies. We decide their fates should be happy and these beautiful people deserve no less then heroic loves. Consequently, women look for other ways to catch up to the differences by what is normalized in our daily lives by the constant and penetrating influence of media and the normal people that we are, surrounded by them in our environments. It seems we are all in a race to who will be crowned the most beautiful. A crown that will inevitably be passed on to younger girls with even better skin, more toned bodies who are willing to bare it all in front of others. A crown that is as transient as the wind.
It is true that with the invention of make up as we know can be called a campaign to unify the way women look, define the acceptable margins of beauty and force women to fit in to a certain category and change our appearances to be found more pleasurable to the sight of society. However, make up is not an invention of the modern world and of the modern women. Women in ancient Egypt (way before the time of Jesus, while evidence conflicts some say as early as 4,000 B.C.) has worn make up for different occasions and various reasons. The ideology of cosmetics exists within all cultures throughout different points in time, this includes women in Japan in 1000 A.D., Ancient Greek and Roman women, the Pictish women, Celtic women and the women of many Germanic tribes. So, anyone who argues that make-up just one of the atrocities of the modern world, you can tell them to hit the history books and study various cultures since the beginning of time and the habits of these societies.
The purpose of make up may have differed in ancient times then today (although I will argue that not drastically), it is an intersecting interest of women across the globe. Many women, whether they live in the Americas, Europe, Middle East, or Asia wear make up to enhance their looks, hide away the things we call imperfections. To that extent it is true that make-up reinforces one kind ideal of beauty, enforcing women to be a certain way that is acceptable by their societies and made to feel bad about the qualities they do not possess. For example, women who have smaller eyes, darker skin, non-defined facial bone structure, skin that is problematic, discolored and scarred may feel that their looks as they are won't be accepted and therefore to be accepted members of their society they must apply make up on to their faces to become "normal". To this extent make up or any kind of cosmetics is oppressive to any woman, living in any part of the world, at any given point in time. However, this is not the only use of cosmetics and just this one particular view of make up is not complete.
By covering such "imperfections" as listed above might make one argue about the "false advertisement" component of make-up, along with dyed hair colors, changed eye colors and the padded bras to enhance a woman's chest area in all hopes of attracting the attention of the desired sex (whether this be the male or the female sex). To an extent that is true. I might cover a blemish by my chin, a scar on my forehead and with the use of make up, make my complexion appear younger, healthier, and dewy. I might apply a blush to give color to my otherwise dull and colorless face. With different techniques I could make it so that my eyes appear larger, giving the effect of a sultry seductress, my lips fuller and therefore more kissable. All of this is true. I can dye my dark brunette hair red or blonde, or black. I can change my eye color to fit in more with the Americans I coexist with. I can use padded or push up bras to have a more enticing chest and wear tighter clothes to look more "feminine". I and anyone who wishes to do so, could do so. To that extent make-up gives us another skin, a mask to hide under, perhaps lower our inhibitions, principles, ideals, values, give us an appearance we do not possess. Again though, to this extent while this might hold true, viewing cosmetics solely from this point of view will also hinder anyone unable to understand women in general.
When we go back through the decades we find that there were different kinds of hair styles that were more popular, make up styles that people seemed to idealize in particular times, in particular countries that have left their impressions even in history books. While different cultures define femininity differently, ideal beauty changes even within the most strictest cultures throughout history. And, unfortunately and most sadly what societies define as feminine and beautiful are done so by men in those societies as most of the world is one big patriarchal society. In addition to that we accept the definitions and premises set by men. In return so many women cover these flaws to fit into the patriarchal definitions of beauty and femininity and embraces the mask of beauty that is highly desired in their societies to please not only potential mates, but also to be an acceptable, functioning member of our societies. Just look at our media. Magazines are full of "beautiful people". We are even cheer on for people with serious psychological problems because of their so called irresistible beauty. Behaviors that are unacceptable as binge drinking, unhealthy dieting, unsafe sexual behaviors are widely publicized in glamorous ways across magazines, tabloids and our television channels. The movies we watch, the shows we follow usually surround people of extreme beauty and fit bodies. We decide their fates should be happy and these beautiful people deserve no less then heroic loves. Consequently, women look for other ways to catch up to the differences by what is normalized in our daily lives by the constant and penetrating influence of media and the normal people that we are, surrounded by them in our environments. It seems we are all in a race to who will be crowned the most beautiful. A crown that will inevitably be passed on to younger girls with even better skin, more toned bodies who are willing to bare it all in front of others. A crown that is as transient as the wind.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Friendships that doesnt last
We have to have these. The bad friends, the terrible people. People you wish, you just never had meet. People who wreck different aspects of your life.
They are just as nurturing and a growth spurt as those friends who we cherish with our own lives. They're nurturing in a different way then those lovable friends we have. They're nurturing because they teach us about the negativity of the world, the bad side of the world and the disadvantageous situations we might find ourselves in. I always say, it's easier to digest the lessons of life and it's also much easier to learn to handle difficult situations when you're younger. We develop our own self mechanisms to deal with them; hopefully healthy ones. Of course there are certain number of things that no children, teenagers or even more rare cases that no adult should ever have to face and deal with. However, with some sort of difficulties passed in our lives prepares us for the holes life digs up for each and every one of us.
Bad friends are important in a number of ways. They teach you the type of people you don't want to be. The friends you don't want to have and early on they teach you how to protect yourself in one way or another. They're a great way to teach a kid about conflict resolution and the insistence in believing in one's self. Of course, not everything goes the way we plan and hope. Anything, even as simple as buying bread could go wrong in this world. Learning what kind of people to be friends with and not is a good thing to learn early on. It saves a lot of heartache later on. Like, learning you could never be friends with a bully. You could never be friends with a manipulator, you could never truly tell where their hearts are. They'll manipulate any situation to benefit themselves. People like that never truly learn the meaning of sacrifice or to truly help someone. They wouldn't help you to be a better person, they'll only take what they seek in you, whatever that might be. Truth of life is often painful.
They can be fun and entertaining, not to mention informative about many other things that on our own we might have never discovered, or even taught up ourselves. Their tricks and tips might come in handy at different points of our lives. Everyone needs to have a bad friend to at least learn how other mentalities work and how to protect yourself from people with malignant mentalities. When you can at least guess where the harm might come, you can prepare yourself for it. Of course we could never be prepared for every single thing in our lives, but some preparation is always better than no preparation at all.
Bad friends also teach you how to say no. Once you learn to say no, to reject requests, no to certain help questions, certain advances, certain pleas and promises, life later on becomes easier to manage when we have to say no in order to protect ourselves better, or not to let others take advantage of us. We best learn to treat ourselves better and not others to take advantages of ourselves is through bad friends who mutilate us in various ways. We don't think of what we're giving up until we've already lost certain valuable treasures of our personalities, innocence and principles. That is the only time we learn to strongly hold on to the remaining principles and learn to fight for what we believe is right.
So, thank them for the valuable lessons they have taught you and now, you're a better person because of the strengths it has added to your already awesome personality. Now, you can help and be friends to other great people who will deserve and appreciate your honesty, helps and personality. People who are worth your time and efforts.
They are just as nurturing and a growth spurt as those friends who we cherish with our own lives. They're nurturing in a different way then those lovable friends we have. They're nurturing because they teach us about the negativity of the world, the bad side of the world and the disadvantageous situations we might find ourselves in. I always say, it's easier to digest the lessons of life and it's also much easier to learn to handle difficult situations when you're younger. We develop our own self mechanisms to deal with them; hopefully healthy ones. Of course there are certain number of things that no children, teenagers or even more rare cases that no adult should ever have to face and deal with. However, with some sort of difficulties passed in our lives prepares us for the holes life digs up for each and every one of us.
Bad friends are important in a number of ways. They teach you the type of people you don't want to be. The friends you don't want to have and early on they teach you how to protect yourself in one way or another. They're a great way to teach a kid about conflict resolution and the insistence in believing in one's self. Of course, not everything goes the way we plan and hope. Anything, even as simple as buying bread could go wrong in this world. Learning what kind of people to be friends with and not is a good thing to learn early on. It saves a lot of heartache later on. Like, learning you could never be friends with a bully. You could never be friends with a manipulator, you could never truly tell where their hearts are. They'll manipulate any situation to benefit themselves. People like that never truly learn the meaning of sacrifice or to truly help someone. They wouldn't help you to be a better person, they'll only take what they seek in you, whatever that might be. Truth of life is often painful.
They can be fun and entertaining, not to mention informative about many other things that on our own we might have never discovered, or even taught up ourselves. Their tricks and tips might come in handy at different points of our lives. Everyone needs to have a bad friend to at least learn how other mentalities work and how to protect yourself from people with malignant mentalities. When you can at least guess where the harm might come, you can prepare yourself for it. Of course we could never be prepared for every single thing in our lives, but some preparation is always better than no preparation at all.
Bad friends also teach you how to say no. Once you learn to say no, to reject requests, no to certain help questions, certain advances, certain pleas and promises, life later on becomes easier to manage when we have to say no in order to protect ourselves better, or not to let others take advantage of us. We best learn to treat ourselves better and not others to take advantages of ourselves is through bad friends who mutilate us in various ways. We don't think of what we're giving up until we've already lost certain valuable treasures of our personalities, innocence and principles. That is the only time we learn to strongly hold on to the remaining principles and learn to fight for what we believe is right.
So, thank them for the valuable lessons they have taught you and now, you're a better person because of the strengths it has added to your already awesome personality. Now, you can help and be friends to other great people who will deserve and appreciate your honesty, helps and personality. People who are worth your time and efforts.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Friendships that lasts...
Friendships that last. How many of those do we have, how many of us actually have one friend like that? One is such a simple, easy number. One of my favorite numbers along with three, seven, nine and thirteen, oh and twenty-five.
I hadn't been great with friends in my younger years. Some of us are just born eccentric, so was I. I never made much sense to anyone outside of my own head (sometimes, even I find myself confusing and cannot understand why I do certain things. Especially when I see them coming a billion miles away) and while I always desired wonderful friends, it seem in my early childhood I could never truly have long lasting friendships. I have several friends from my childhood years, I don't know though how thoroughly friends we are anymore, after all we all change. Places we live in and the currents of our lives swiftly and in unrecognizable ways brings us to different parts of the ideological spectrums, in addition to our experiences, well we end up living in literally two very different worlds. As I grew up, I got better, much to my surprise to be honest. I could be so intolerable in many of my unflattering lights and circumstances. I still torment myself the same way, just within the shadows of my own world.
Many friends and people came in and left my world, most left rather quickly. And every once in a while there were some that were a little more durable. Either to their own sainthood or my own stupidity, whichever, they left a lasting impression.
However there is a small number that probably won't pass the number five of friends that are God's given gift to me. In any one of my wonderful and long-lasting relationships, they accumulated so by literally luck. It is true that I have given much after the turning point of 18-19. Until then though, I don't think I've actually given much to support and claim that I deserved their friendships. By a stroke of luck, I have a handful of friends that have been friends with me for the longest time. Two friends date back to my childhood, literally elementary years. It is true that we don't see eye to eye with each other much, our lives are completely different. However, I love them each to bits and although we're very different from one another, there is always something only they can give me; peace and the friendship that has livened up my chaotic childhood. They remind me of the innocence of my childhood. With them, being happy is easy and to hear about myself today from the eyes of others is just more illuminating then I could ever have accomplished in a backward glance of my life. Life is pink with them. I have another friend that started in middle school and continued on in high school years. Probably, my first true female friendship. Until then, I had never really had friends that were females that I actually got along with and shared many different things. She has done much, much to foster our friendship. I can say that it was due to the bridge she build between us then that still continues to carry our weighs when she is literally at the end of the other world, preparing to get married. With her, there are no pretenses. She reminds of another time that sometimes I long with nostalgia, sometimes with dread. Ah and then there is one that is above and beyond anyone else. One that means the most to me.
I don't have any other old friends. These are the ones that have taught me the meaning of friendship. The ones that have helped me through my tumultuous times where I perhaps needed a friend more than anything else in my life. For these friends I will always be thankful and grateful. While none are exactly a perfect fit...I think this is what really makes my friendships with them special to me. They could have chosen to be friends with anyone. They have such big hearts with eternally unbound love, so much to give to a person. Yet, here I stand having grown due to their friendships and the efforts they have invested in me.
In a positive side of this issue, I have learned that friendships takes time and you don't need many friends (contrary to what I had believed in for so long) and you need people who are willing to accept you as you are, willing to help you when you struggle with yourself and are honest enough to tell you, your worst aspects of personality and still continue to love you with your flaws. People who you can be yourself, who you can both learn from and teach and people who you can grow, change and ultimately discover your true self with. I've learned what makes a good friend versus one and the people who can actually become friends rather than people I just know. Selecting the people we are friends with is a daunting task that needs to e carefully considered, thought out and well chosen. They can, in the blink of an eye change your entire world both for the best and for the worst. I've learned to be able to make new, long lasting friendships that I can carry within my heart anywhere and wherever I go.
I hadn't been great with friends in my younger years. Some of us are just born eccentric, so was I. I never made much sense to anyone outside of my own head (sometimes, even I find myself confusing and cannot understand why I do certain things. Especially when I see them coming a billion miles away) and while I always desired wonderful friends, it seem in my early childhood I could never truly have long lasting friendships. I have several friends from my childhood years, I don't know though how thoroughly friends we are anymore, after all we all change. Places we live in and the currents of our lives swiftly and in unrecognizable ways brings us to different parts of the ideological spectrums, in addition to our experiences, well we end up living in literally two very different worlds. As I grew up, I got better, much to my surprise to be honest. I could be so intolerable in many of my unflattering lights and circumstances. I still torment myself the same way, just within the shadows of my own world.
Many friends and people came in and left my world, most left rather quickly. And every once in a while there were some that were a little more durable. Either to their own sainthood or my own stupidity, whichever, they left a lasting impression.
However there is a small number that probably won't pass the number five of friends that are God's given gift to me. In any one of my wonderful and long-lasting relationships, they accumulated so by literally luck. It is true that I have given much after the turning point of 18-19. Until then though, I don't think I've actually given much to support and claim that I deserved their friendships. By a stroke of luck, I have a handful of friends that have been friends with me for the longest time. Two friends date back to my childhood, literally elementary years. It is true that we don't see eye to eye with each other much, our lives are completely different. However, I love them each to bits and although we're very different from one another, there is always something only they can give me; peace and the friendship that has livened up my chaotic childhood. They remind me of the innocence of my childhood. With them, being happy is easy and to hear about myself today from the eyes of others is just more illuminating then I could ever have accomplished in a backward glance of my life. Life is pink with them. I have another friend that started in middle school and continued on in high school years. Probably, my first true female friendship. Until then, I had never really had friends that were females that I actually got along with and shared many different things. She has done much, much to foster our friendship. I can say that it was due to the bridge she build between us then that still continues to carry our weighs when she is literally at the end of the other world, preparing to get married. With her, there are no pretenses. She reminds of another time that sometimes I long with nostalgia, sometimes with dread. Ah and then there is one that is above and beyond anyone else. One that means the most to me.
I don't have any other old friends. These are the ones that have taught me the meaning of friendship. The ones that have helped me through my tumultuous times where I perhaps needed a friend more than anything else in my life. For these friends I will always be thankful and grateful. While none are exactly a perfect fit...I think this is what really makes my friendships with them special to me. They could have chosen to be friends with anyone. They have such big hearts with eternally unbound love, so much to give to a person. Yet, here I stand having grown due to their friendships and the efforts they have invested in me.
In a positive side of this issue, I have learned that friendships takes time and you don't need many friends (contrary to what I had believed in for so long) and you need people who are willing to accept you as you are, willing to help you when you struggle with yourself and are honest enough to tell you, your worst aspects of personality and still continue to love you with your flaws. People who you can be yourself, who you can both learn from and teach and people who you can grow, change and ultimately discover your true self with. I've learned what makes a good friend versus one and the people who can actually become friends rather than people I just know. Selecting the people we are friends with is a daunting task that needs to e carefully considered, thought out and well chosen. They can, in the blink of an eye change your entire world both for the best and for the worst. I've learned to be able to make new, long lasting friendships that I can carry within my heart anywhere and wherever I go.
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