Welcome, July

I can't believe it's already July. Where did the time go? It was March the last time I checked. It suddenly became May despite my protests and then moved on to June, in my disbelief. My ability to attach time and form an association with the said time has become more difficult and tattered as of late. My understanding of time as a concept has been obscured beyond any remedy.

I am glad it's July. That means I have about a month and a half until we move. Everything is ready for the moving, except say the kitchen and last bit of clothes until then. I feel like since we can't settle in and don't feel like this apartment is a home any longer, it's difficult to create a bond, which is even more difficult to make me get up and clean it. Though, I am still regularly cooking and that is a win for me right now. But because there is no ties here, there is no ability to make any kind of schedule that sticks. We keep living abnormally, unattached like a pair of floating ghosts traveling through time.

I am going to be so glad by the time we move in that I'll probably be losing sanity once again.

Currently, though I am doing much better. At least I am pretending to be normal during the day hours, faking through human emotions, reactions and interactions. At night though, is an entirely different story. But the rituals that can be repeated are the only true solace I have. The things I have to get through are my current motivators. I just can't afford to slip up and let it all wash over me, drowning me in their sadness.