Monthversary

It's been a whole month since that ill fated that day last month. I can't believe it's been that long. I've been mostly morose, cross and unable to stop crying. Or have been stopping for short periods of time. Time is not supposed to be so treacherous that it moves on so quickly during the day and barely moving a second forward at night, where my torture is at its highest level. The night won't come to an end and my pain incrementally increases over the course of the hours to only heighten my sensitivity and sharpen my delusions, depressions and the feeling of loneliness that I have been festering.

I really am not lonely and so lucky to have S, being calm, understanding, caring and enabling me to live out our grief and sadness as much as I can, between our private and closed doors. He lets me get away with many, and he lets me have the alone time that sometimes I require. But I feel abandoned, forgotten and forsaken. It's hard to come to terms with this.