End of July

Today is the end of July. I am growing impatient, a little frustrated and overwhelmed. We still have two more weeks before we move, everything is packed, I've given away my donation boxes and the things that needs to be thrown out that will no longer be any good to anyone have been thrown out. I am desperate to move out. Sometimes I find my breath stifled, and an overbearing weight sitting atop of my chest. My corners from everywhere has been shrinking, continually diminishing and I feel like I can just disappear. I think about disappearing sometimes; taking the wrong turn somewhere, and keep walking until the ends of the earth to find the answers to the questions I have in my mind. The things I want to know most. Things I know I can never, should never know. I should let it go, but I can't. The woman inside of me is holding on to the little bits of it and I just can't get over it. How juvenile.

I want these oppressive feelings that are taking over me, stirring my blood and making me into a raging lunatic to fade away. The small voices inside of my head are getting louder. The essentials of my voice are getting smaller everyday. Sometimes, I have a difficult time hearing what's inside my head and what it is that I am really feeling. Everything is so mixed up in my heart.