Does Moving Solve Everything?

The question begs itself, does moving solve every problem we've had? The big issues we've been trying to conclude, the horrid past I do not want to remember and get stuck on.

Over the course of the summer some of our issues subsided, diminished and vanished. Other new ones came instead and the big ones got stuck on a repeating loop that we just couldn't conclude for whatever the reason.

It takes more than change of living quarters to solve more problems. Some problems persists and the problems we've been delaying becomes apparent and we learn to seriously deal with the issue. It's been difficult, I am frustrated, angry, sad and really unable to move on. I run in circles repeating the same things again and again. Some problems were suspended too long, waiting to be solved when we moved and not they've become things we no longer can ignore and have gotten bigger over the course of time.

Time is going to solve some. When more time has passes that I am less frustrated, less angry with all that has happened. A lot of effort on my end, with less blow ups, more understanding and trying to look at the bigger picture.

Unwanted

As we were walking around, it seems it's time for Madison's annual time to leave your belongings outside and those who are in need of new ones, seek them as their old owners leave them. It's possibly maybe the only place in U.S. that I can ever think of people leaving their old furniture, possessions, belongings and other items to the curb and strangers willingly make good use of them. There doesn't seem to be a good bounty as of yet, though in a few days, it will be likely that there will be a great turn out, it wouldn't be bad if we ended up with a microwave, actually.

Large buildings, apartment complexes has left their goodwill donation pick up boxes for the convenience of everyone. Have I mentioned I love this city?

Welcome, July

I can't believe it's already July. Where did the time go? It was March the last time I checked. It suddenly became May despite my protests and then moved on to June, in my disbelief. My ability to attach time and form an association with the said time has become more difficult and tattered as of late. My understanding of time as a concept has been obscured beyond any remedy.

I am glad it's July. That means I have about a month and a half until we move. Everything is ready for the moving, except say the kitchen and last bit of clothes until then. I feel like since we can't settle in and don't feel like this apartment is a home any longer, it's difficult to create a bond, which is even more difficult to make me get up and clean it. Though, I am still regularly cooking and that is a win for me right now. But because there is no ties here, there is no ability to make any kind of schedule that sticks. We keep living abnormally, unattached like a pair of floating ghosts traveling through time.

I am going to be so glad by the time we move in that I'll probably be losing sanity once again.

Currently, though I am doing much better. At least I am pretending to be normal during the day hours, faking through human emotions, reactions and interactions. At night though, is an entirely different story. But the rituals that can be repeated are the only true solace I have. The things I have to get through are my current motivators. I just can't afford to slip up and let it all wash over me, drowning me in their sadness.

Commitment to Moving

We're fully back and immersed in our lives. Madison.

We're nearly packed and there is not much left. About two months until we move. I could not been any more agitated, anxious and ready to get this move done with. I have no more ties with this place. It's an overbearing, stifling place with no sunshine. No sunshine! At all! I have all these memories bottled up in here and everything is a constant reminder to me. I just don't want to come back at the end of the night and my own personal empire is shrinking, pacing back and about to be destroyed.

I'd like to ease and settle in again, and go back to my own daily schedule and fix my focus on myself, my craft and my own future rather than keep swallowing the old tears of the past.

U Haul

I cannot tell you how happy I am that we now have a place to move into. It's like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That is one less thing I have to worry about.
To celebrate, I boxed nearly our entire closet. Just the essentials, I don't care if that means I have to do more laundry! This tells you how much I just want to get out of this apartment.

UHaul is being a stingy corporation, but we'll have to comply. There is no other option. We'll have to find people to help us move. We will only have Uhaul for 8 hours (which is fine for our purposes, but is that enough time for everybody else?) and it is only reserved. You can be made to wait and what not. How is that a proper management of a business?

Update on Moving

We've seen loads of apartments online, we've contacted tens of landlords, office managers and seen a dozen of apartments. It's frustrating and demeaning. Places that are cheap are in horrible condition. They truly don't care. Everybody has to live somewhere right? Or the decent places are inexcusably expensive.How do they think they can get away with this is a ridiculous question--because they do get away with it.

We have turned in our applications to a few places and are waiting to hear back from them. I am hoping for the best. I would love to know if we're moving out anywhere at all in August. The time window is closing and there are less and less apartments everyday.

More Boxes

It's been nearly a month that I've started boxing things. It's been therapeutic to me. After a long day, or a bad one perhaps, the best thing I felt to do was to box things away. It's like a piece of my soul, connected to boxing was being cleansed away, slowly. I feel better afterwards. It's like talking to a stranger about your problems. All of the venting, the anger and the steam is just let off, easily, without great consequences to you.

Boxes have begun piling up and S is not happy about it. But it makes me feel better. Slowly, we're moving. There is some sort of physical evidence that this all will be coming to an end, I will eventually get better and we will be out of here. There will be an end to all of this.

No More Moving Blues

Now that it has been decided for us that we must move out, it's been a relief. It was not what we were planning, but it's now our reality. Now that it is, it's actually slowly getting me excited. Excited, because I can leave this place with all kinds of history, past behind. A history that doesn't belong to me. S and I can start a new, leaving our old fights behinds, the issues that has been bothering us, and we can begin a new life at our new apartment, together. A union of solidarity and cohesiveness. It means I can also do both a physical and a mental clean-up. Get rid of old stuff, begin a new and start feeling better myself.

To be boxing stuff to give away, to throw out and to bring with us to our new apartment is relaxing. A little bit of the old is getting aired, tosses away, and by removing the old, it's giving me the space to breathe and embrace anew.

Maybe, moving is no longer a bad thing.