Commitment to Moving

We're fully back and immersed in our lives. Madison.

We're nearly packed and there is not much left. About two months until we move. I could not been any more agitated, anxious and ready to get this move done with. I have no more ties with this place. It's an overbearing, stifling place with no sunshine. No sunshine! At all! I have all these memories bottled up in here and everything is a constant reminder to me. I just don't want to come back at the end of the night and my own personal empire is shrinking, pacing back and about to be destroyed.

I'd like to ease and settle in again, and go back to my own daily schedule and fix my focus on myself, my craft and my own future rather than keep swallowing the old tears of the past.

Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence

I began reading "Lady Chatterley's Lover" today. I couldn't get very far, but that's okay for now. I haven't been able to read anything in months and being able to pick up this book simply, is enough success to me. I am slowly getting better. Slowly getting back on my feet. Slowly beginning to return to normal. Today, I am lucky and thankful. I could still be in such a worse condition that I don't even want to draw comparisons. Long walks and some sunshine have been instruemental. Maybe, now S is tired and needs more attention has got to do with it. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I am getting out of this depression and I am happy about it.

The book looks promising to me so far. I like the character Connie. She is so time forward for her age. I enjoyed the writing so far, though I don't know what I think about Clifford. I guess we'll have to find out, how I feel about Clifford in time.

Have you read Lady Chatterley? If so, what do you think? Any recommendations by D.H. Lawrence?

Reading Again.

One day at a time. I've started reading again. It really isn't anything great. It's just online reading of good, reputable news services and studies. But at this point, I'll take anything my mind is willing to let me have.

Sometimes, showing enough care about the world outside of my own head seems to be the best thing I can do for myself. If I can take one step outside of myself, to see what is going on, I'll see I am not in the worst of circumstances, choices, situations. If I can see there is some sort of hope that can come by trying. If I can manage to create a relationship, a bond, some sort of contact with the outside world that I can reach for, maybe I'll feel alive and part of the world again. Perhaps then, I can care enough to do the things I'm supposed to be doing.