Moving Forward

It's been hard, littered with obstacles, even more so, very unlike me. At least in the way that I have been moving forward, the choices I've made and the path we have chosen as a couple. But I do believe that we've made the best decision individually and as a couple. This ship is ready to sail, go through any kind of weather and eventually anchor in the deepest part of the ocean and live on beautifully from sunshine to moonshine.

It wasn't easy and I still haven't accepted much. There is so much I haven't embraces and there is still so much to account for, retell, understand anew and continue on. The key isn't to pretend it didn't happen (at least with me. I can't do that. I've learned long ago that I cannot lie to myself) it's to build according to that, get out new lesson plans reach to deeper understanding of what went wrong, what each party wants and how of that is something that can be accommodated.

After my world crashed, day by day, then night by night, all the anger flew out, the hurt slowly settled down and bruised in so many places. It got bigger and the tears started to roll down and it sunk in so low that I couldn't breathe. It sat right on top of my chest and sleep became unbearable, the day worst still. Frustration started to build, and my need to find logic in such perverse and disgusting actions. When I couldn't, I had to push further until I found a glimmer of hope that possessed the ability to hold a logical explanation to all of this. When all the tears flowed out, it took some of the sting away with it. Then analyzing slowly dulled, because it was analyzed to death. It no longer could be. Everything laid so bare, so naked, so vulnerable on the table that it was hurtful to look. Then we started to act. One small act at a time, one smile at a time, one touch at a time. Things eased off, slowly got brighter in color and lighter in weight. Slowly, it became bearable again. Life became bearable, livable.

Then we've decided to make it work, again and again, again and that wasn't again until we've made the decision to make it through daily. Because really, it was that bad. Couldn't go, couldn't say. How awful.
Roots.

Stay.
Stay.
Stay.

Day awoke. Hope seeded itself in me again. Something to look forward to began appearing. The things we've become momentarily blind to, we've begun to see them once more.

Moving forward, one inch at a time.