Whatever Happened to Excitement?

I thought I was supposed to be going through all the excitement and the insanity that was supposed to come with being engaged.

I guess, sometimes the switch board gets forgotten to be turned on. Perhaps, sometimes it's so overwhelmed by all the other lights that's on that it forgets to be registered. After all, it can become just another current, currently running in and out of it, attached by wires of different colors, the outlets at the different parts of the house, being turned on and off, used by others, so many different people, all with complicated reasons.

There is just so much going on that sometimes, I forget. Maybe, the other reason is that in my heart, I've long ago married S in the most secret, most beautiful and most absolute ceremony of all. There is something magical in S that I can't help by to let go of everything. The wrongs, the rights, the light and the dark. They all mesh together and they all get a little lighter, they hold on a little less tighter to the ends of my skirts. There is a little safe haven, where I come undone, unpolluted and melt into the bliss I had always dreamed of. There is a part of his soul that hooks mine so wholly that it's impossible to desire anything but a complete union. An utter change that has happened before I even sensed it coming.

My mind is overwhelmed, my mind is scattered and at the same time keenly focused and my heart bruised more than I bargained for that making to home at the end of the day and laying in bed with S, is more than I can ask for. I go to sleep satisfied, complete and full.