Excitement

I am excited for tomorrow. To be able to come so far. I feel like celebrating. For a while there, I didn't think I'd be able to make it. I thought this whole ordeal was going to end up having the life choked out of me, in letters, pictures, emails and strange calls in the middle of the night.

As my soul has doubled in size due to this experience, it now has stretch marks all over at the edges and around the center, where a tower was build, from the inside out, stretching out like a pregnant woman's 9 month belly. My heart has shrank though. It has become brittle, cracked, chipped and in need of repair. In need of time, of silence and of reflection. In need of its own company, slowly mending as it reads, writes and slowly goes back to the land of the living. To the world where there is more than money to be earned.

It will recover. I know, because if I am a live, then it will recover. It can and will have the opportunity, simply because I am breathing. I am like that old tree, that keeps on growing and at times looking like it's ready to rot away and be cut down for a healthier tree. Then the spring comes around and it starts repairing itself, with the sunshine and the chirping of the birds, and the tall grass. A round of merriness and cheery faces with bare bottoms. SO it will recover and when it does, it will be bigger, smoother, but always with crevices and hitches. Never so smooth again. It will be deeper. It will be wide, nearly endless. Almost. Next time. It will be stronger, thicker and wiser.

Now, I can look forward to tomorrow, to the things that brings joys for occasions like engagement parties, marriage, unifying of two very separate and very different lives. The joys of daily life that brings happiness abruptly and hesitantly, for a short while.

This is such an improvement that, this alone brings a wide smile to my lips. Tonight, let's be merry.