Revenge

I think I've always kind of been a spiteful child. Not over petty things, but when my heart did get broken, I did seek to make amends by getting revenge. To me, that seemed like the right thing to do at the time and that this was called justice. Surprisingly, at the age of twenty-five, I still am confused about the idea of justice and have mixed feelings of the judicial systems in anywhere in the entire world. Humans are eternally condemned to flaw, and flaw is what we cannot afford to have when we're in the position to judge (no person should ever or could ever be in the position to judge) and therefore leaving all of the talk about justice we create, seem pretty meaningless to me. This is something I further advice myself to seek answers and read about--thoroughly.

Though I always desired revenge, I am not sure about my success rate. It must be pretty low, considering I don't remember ever feeling satisfied and squared and made the score equal to those who have slighted me in the most immoral and indecent ways. Now, I feel like I have the power, the capabilities and the belief behind me that I can do anything to these two people, one in particular. The desire to hurt, wound has not subsided and the pain has not gone phantom either. I keep swallowing everything, including my pride, because it really is not worth the hassle and the consequences. I'd rather, happily just go on my life, with the knowledge behind me and keep pushing further into the future. After all, I've made my decision and there should be no backing out now. It is too late with such formalities like these. Besides, again the question that is most importantly chides in my ears all the time: Who am I to judge? I need to let this go. I know...but revenge is so sweet, so alluring, though it always tastes awful at the end that I know I will eventually regret it. I don't want to have any regrets in my life. I need a better system of coping mechanism.