Religious Awekenings

I am a little afraid to probe this topic, since it is highly personal, highly sensitive, highly inflammatory and perceptive, also scandalous, highly changeable that it seems like a stupid idea to expose myself to writing such things online.

Some people follow some sort of belief, faith blindly since birth. Some believe in the purest way possible perhaps, without ever falling into pitfalls, doubts, having a head full of question marks, somehow instilled with the belief in some sort of higher purposed functioning being and the power it has over the rest of mere mortals, without ever needed any miracle, any truth, any conversation, debate or dialogue about it. I wish I could have been one of those people. I truly admire them.

Some of us, begin out in the way as I have described in the paragraph above and then turn to neglect, reject everything and any such belief. They have arrived a truth according to them and I could not argue any further with them at that point. From where they are standing, there could not be any purer truth than the conclusion they have arrived at.

Me...I have always had a tug of war with religion, changing with the phases of my life, as I struggle to hold on to life, my struggle to hold on to religion also varies in causal correlation to that. They are the factors of my life in which everything else seems to be governed by.

I've probably have had several religious awakenings based on the after shocks of dire challenges of my life that I have come out of, somewhat successfully and after I have riddled myself with mistakes, regrets and heavy consequences to pay. They don't always stick, and every theory I have ever been able to pin point in my head to adopt as my doctrine, is evolving, adapting and changing. But they have been the culmination of the wrongs I have done onto others and the wrongs that have been done on to me. Moved by the emotional, psychological torture and abuse, I move on to better moral standards and other definitions of the sort, (play around with words all you will, I am way too sleep deprived to arrange them any nicer than my mind has already done so). The principals change, incorporating what I have learned, what I have been able to face with myself an able to confront and accept at the end. There are many unresolved issues I have with myself, so, don't hold your breath there.

So, are religious awakenings fueled by our own experiences of moral dilemmas that hone the keenest of hearts and sharpest of minds? Is it what makes it harder than steel? Is it what makes it determined and immovable, inexcusable and unavoidable?

How about the millions of people who choose to abandon religion? Clearly, they're choosing the most righteous path according to them.

See, it is a riddle, no one can solve unless put into clear, concise context that we can see in front of us as it plays out in movies or T.V. Shows.