Fall Outs

I guess the last time I had a bad fall out with an ex was when I was very young and madly in love with Fait. I worked differently and I was seething with anger then. With time, that erased and nothing but a fond memory was left, not that we had  much to go on, which lead me to let go in the first place.

I guess the next guy was a little rough too as I was the one that wanted to break away in the first place as well. We don't talk anymore but exception of those two, I've always remained on friendly, at the very least civil terms with my exes where I kept their numbers, facebook accounts and kept on living my life as usual without any difficulties or interruptions. I didn't have a fall out, fights or grown paranoid over it.

It's sad and very disappointing that it has come to this, especially when you hold a person in a dear light and then things kind of crumble down and everything melts away enough to change your understanding and perception of that person.

Since when is judgement towards a person who is living their life the way they want to, to the fullest in their belief is passable and sickening? I can't really describe the hurt these words have left behind, but I keep marching to my own drum....that I have to. Considering that I am not doing illegal, self destructive, illicit and dangerous behavior, not adopting any strange and awkward, threatening friends, my mind set not growing narrower, why is it so bad I've decided to go on about life, doing things differently than the norm, however the way I want to do them. Not because I just want to be different, but truly because this is the way I am and how I see the world.

I am not particularly used to Fall outs, even with Mesut and three years with him. We just continued on to our own lives as we used to before. I am sure if I called him today for a favor or needed his help with something, as long as that was within his doable limits, he would do them for me, which was proven when I called him for a ride after taking some of Ozlem's stuff.

But on, we must go. It's sad and I am hurt, I take he is even more hurt, but we all much do what we individually must do. I am trying to settle into life and go further than I've ever been before and accomplish the goals I've set myself long ago.