Dissipating Ideas

I opened up my blogspot page long before I actually decided to write on here. I had this marvelous idea to write about moments before I clicked on my blogger tab and then voila, the second I've pressed it, all ideas have dissipated into thin air.

I realize that if I don't write things as they come to me, I have a tendency to lose them, quite quickly or unable to call them is a constant haunter of mine. I've been working hard on a story for the past few days. I am not sure how long it will eventually be, I am not remotely near actually writing the draft, but outlining. You know the time consuming, but significantly essential brainstorming where the story develops and where there is a story to the story. Yeah, that. It's been rather great to delve in this particular world though. Incredibly different than mine.

So here we are. I have today and tomorrow's my last work day. I am desperate to get a check from my work though, I would love to pay my rent. That's a pretty good thing to do with my Credit Card coming with me everywhere I go and the bill I'm dreading to pay. It would be good to have cash now.

I've been reading Dickens for the past two weeks. It's quite a change of pace from the other books I've read mostly this summer. My goal is to have read all of Dickens' classics by the end of the year.

P.S. there is nothing like taking a brief walk under the sun with blue skies as autumn approaches with the rustling of the green leaves that are just about getting ready to turn into different colors and then withering away for the winter. A healthy dosage of reality and optimism in one neat shot.


Edit: I feel like I just can't express myself enough lately. There is always something that's being left unsaid, undone, unlived, unfelt. I am brimming with feelings, ideas and this incipience of things to happen (things I am not ready, but here they are, within my core. I don't remember anyone asking me about this. Do they ever?) and yet, I can't exactly pinpoint towards what it is that I am feeling, thinking, though it feels I am still focused enough and not confused. ( It's a good thing to be not confused) yet...Something is not truly out. Things have settled...a little. I am still trying to reestablish a solid routine here that won't break easily under most circumstances and to return back to a normal life (I'm finding that difficult to do despite the fact that that's the only thing I've been working towards), but getting pulled in to problems and dark times just feels too easily. I could just plop down and well, problems, confusion, darkness and depression are there to catch me in it's tight bosom that doesn't like to let go once it attains you. So where does this leave me? No where particularly. I am not close to anything. I have determined a set of goals (yay, success) however I have at least a whole year to go to before I could achieve any one of these things (more waiting and my patience is wearing thin) I am optimistic and working hard towards those goals but it really feels like I'm marching on my old beaten path and it feels like all of my attempts will fall short again. But then I keep finding myself saying, if I could get over this..I know this time. So hopefully that incessantly nagging sounds will be actualized by self prophecies and I won' be in this corner feeling like a mouse.