Hiatus

Learning to breathe again and giving myself some time. I'm putting everything on hold, reconsidering in the light of all this new information that is viable as death. It's like someone has shoved down the world in poison and expects me to just wake up and get going from where we were before all of this dark side had come to be exposed in sunlight.

I have never been so humiliated in my life before. Every inch of me screams of hate, of hurt, of anger and I am bewildered into a stage of bellicose rebellion. I want to break everything my hand touches upon and throw up in disgust at the sight of this breaches of trust, position, power, and everything that could be sacred between two individuals.                     

I am taking a hiatus from coming to a decision until I've digested everything better. Until the hurt sinks so low that I can look at it from up above and tell myself I could jump over it with enough will power. It's easy to say walk away, slam the door behind you, never look back and move on. But my heart has become to entreched with barbed wires of love that it hurts to breathe. It hurts to recognize the gross moral breach and acknowledge the truth and realize this is reality. This is fact and not fiction. This is not a part of my hyper imagination that seems to take me to places my heart wasn't big enough to go to.

I will never be able to get over this. My heart will remain bruised, but the question begs itself. Can I, live with this bruise with a constant reminder?