The Sun

Well, who would have though? After that beautiful rain yesterday evening, the sun was what we all awoke to--sun with a fiery red as a background that just would warm up anyone inside and awaken the talented and talentless artist sleeping dormant inside within anyone and everyone. Days like these, everyone becomes an energetic, enthusiastic artist who is just brimming with ideas and creativity, just emotions awaiting to be expressed. Days like these, I am happy. I can be calm, just enjoy my craft and take in the pleasures of others and let it stir in me whatever is charging it's current.

I am currently at the library, sitting on this tiny couch that's placed next to the  large window of the library that reveals the insides, without revealing it's soul. The sun keeps playing peek-a-boo with me. Now that I've dumped most of my negativity, I can play the game with it, without any curses, complains and pain. I can just be happy instead. I can appreciate the sun, enjoy the game it's playing with me. I can be comfortably, effortlessly feel what I feel and not push it down. I no longer have to give a detailed account of my feelings. I can just instead feel and grow from them. Allow myself to feel whatever I feel, without the judgment that used to follow. I can take a deep breath now.

I don't have to wait till another time to feel each and every curve of my own feelings. I don't have to find an excuse to delay whatever it is that I am feeling. I don't have to prioritize my negative feelings; the sadness, the depression that amidst that I didn't even recognize the brief moments of happiness. The moments of sun that I direly needed and desperately searched for. I wouldn't even allow myself that. All of these layers that have been shedding incredibly, finally, finally have given me the chance, to be me and the choice to let go. Having made the decision to let go I can just feel without a delay. I can say, this is what I am feeling and I don't have to apologize for it. I don't have to feel guilty for feeling one way or another. I don't have to keep blocking everything because I've been oppressed and eventually have become depressed, and because I don't want to feel that the depth of my depression, I kept pushing everything back further and further until there wasn't any space to keep collecting. Well, then the taxation of that space came and I nearly lost all of myself under that crumble.

So now the sun, who plays with me in a coy manner, I can appreciate that and smile about it and still cherish the rain that will follow it soon after.