I've missed my bed, my sheets, comforts of my own home and my own possessions. I like having everything I need right under my hand. I've also come to love small spaces, of which I used to be hostile against. However small though, it must belong to you in every way possible. That is my key to my happiness and to the success of my own writing. I feel calmer, safer and comfortable.

It's going to be harder to say goodbye this time around, although my experiences this round here have been increasingly sad, depressive, hurtful and stressful. So many things happened that we won't be able to go back in time. Maybe we can fix some of the issues, but it won't be smooth as it used to be. Few significant principle columns shattered, broke and were completely destroyed. It's going to take time to rebuild one of those and even when that's rebuilt, it's not going to be complete. There will be something always missing in each one of those columns of significance. At this point, we're all just waiting for the departure to Madison. Then everyone maybe could take a deep breath.

But I am going to miss my mom. I am going to miss her even more because this time we barely got any quality time, and what's worst is that we fought a lot this time around. I've said plenty of mean spirited things and we half way drifted a little far. I don't like being this way, but it's done and I require more space, more seclusion, individuality and alone time. So I am not sure if what happened, happened for the best ( I have no other choice but to assume on that attitude). this still, doesn't change the fact that I miss her, I need her and hope that things between us eventually get better. It's hard to picture her out of my life...it feels empty. There are two people for me that I can't picture my life without, those are my mom and Yakup. Everyone else feels like, I could get used to their nonexistence at some point. But...their disappearance would devastate me. Would leave me disheveled. I have a little over a week left here until I go back to my own place and until then I hope to make the best of my time left. Try to spend as much time with her as possible. Things are going to drastically change after I leave...It's a new chapter for us as a family.

We might, again never be this close after all with all the difficulties that has been going on.