It's 6:43 a.m. in the morning. I am back again writing in here. What a productive last few hours I've had, especially in comparison to how my whole day was! My fingers are swollen from writing, they hurt and ache, it seems like no amount of cracking them can make them feel better and I am sitting on my couch, sheepishly grinning to myself, feeling light-hearted, happy and hopeful. I feel accomplished. What I call the writing-after effects are not to be taken slightly. They are highly addictive and makes the world turn around for people, aspiring writers to be. Have I mentioned I have not slept a wink?
I have my black silk robe which my mother calls the Madam's robe, I have pen all over my right hand fingers and undoubtedly on my face too. The sun has risen, I haven't slept a wink, I wrote a long journal entry, four page letter, this blog entry and will write poetry after this blog entry. I haven't had enough writing after all this and I am in pure bliss. I am not sure with which intentions I got on here, I forgot the point I wanted to make initially, but here I am, writing away in a silly sense that no one cares to begin with. But I am going to write away anyway, because it feels like there is so much my heart wants to say, so I am not going to have my mind put the limits on my writing and create caps on what it is that my fingers wants to type.
Relationships are scary. To be the person you always think you will be, the person and ideals you think of, write of are hard to display and to play in reality. They are. It's so much easier to write it as black and white and even spilling the rainbow--not that it's easy, just in comparison to living it in real life is harder--it's so much easier to do the easy thing and turn off conscious. After all, cultures across the globe are becoming increasingly hedonistic and seeking instant and self gratification. In that realm of reality, it's hard to set, adore, embrace and perform ideals, principles. It's difficult to argue for them and their necessity, you can forget about actually living and performing them. This definitely will be the test of character, wit, soul and heart for me, the upcoming months will surely either make me, or break me. I am obviously hoping to be the better person, come out on top, without sullies and wrongdoing to anyone. I can only pray for the best results, this doesn't mean God will give them to me unless I put forth everything I've got on it. As the Turkish saying goes, the pear won't just drop from the top of the tree directly into your mouth. We have to climb up and get it yourself. Surely then, you'll get a delicious one. Speaking of pears, I love pears.
Mm, back to what I was saying. Relationships are scary, they're scary because life there is no guarantee. No guarantee of a person, no guarantee of what you individually feel to begin with. Circumstances change and the possibilities of what could happen are endless. Any number of wrong or right things could bring you together or set you up for your demise.
But, putting those fate and destiny marks aside, they're hard because they take a lot to make it work. Few missing ingredients won't hold it together and everything will come undone. To be willing to give up from your individual desires, freedom, independence, goals and to work together for a greater "us", to be able to sacrifice and sometimes doing things you may not want to, considering the other person before yourself and putting his or her feelings, attitude, thoughts towards action X before deciding on not only life altering, but even in your daily, minimal actions. Relationships mean responsibility, caring and the willingness to make it work, and by putting forth the effort to prove it.
I think losing that independence for the safety harbor is not something everyone questions as much as movies might want to drizzle on that and make it seem it's what every guy/girl wants. But deep down, they'll always come up with characters that was just "looking" for the right person to be that homey and to give that independence up. It's not that easy and there should always be qualms about one's giving up of independence and freedom. You should question the person who doesn't fear this and embracing it rather too quickly.
On that thought is my cue to leave :)
I can't wait till two p.m. for amazing magic to happen.
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