For example, it's often said that women change their hair when they're the most unhappy. I am sure it holds true for a lot of women, but this doesn't mean it's a rule to be followed by all women. Quite contrarily, I only do things to my hair when I am happy, in a more balanced state of mind and have found some sort of harmony in my life. Because I have the will to spend money on myself, the will to feel good and do something with myself. I only care enough when I am happy to notice what I want to do with it. Desires and yearnings arise then. In the past two years of my life I've been quite unhappy in my life, especially the last year and I had no initiative or even the motivation to do anything in the slightest to my hair. I've been happy for the past month or so and I recently got enough motivation to picture what I want and don't want with my hair and take the initiative to imagine what would look or or not. So I've been toying with the idea of getting a mohawk. I still want this, just after I come back from Turkey, as a way to hold a promise to my Yakup. Despite my good mood, my hair did turn out bad after getting a cut. I looked like a monkey escapee from a lab cage. Regardless, at least it's healthier now and I can take better care of it :)
On another good note, I've gotten my cartilage pierced. One I've wanted for a very long time and it feels great maybe because it's something realized after a long period of waiting, or maybe because a dream of sorts has been achieved after a long time. I like body arts such as tattoos, hennas and piercings. I want to have quite a few piercings and this is the beginning of a series of new piercings to come within this year. I'd like my nose, about eight-10 piercings on my ears, and a bottom lip piercing. I don't know why people are against piercings so highly and so adamantly. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure for me perhaps, but each piercing has a meaning behind them for me, some based on experiences, some are what they symbolize to me, and sometimes it's the physical pain that makes it symbolic to my own life.
All of my books from B&N has arrived today and my library has just gotten one step closer to getting completes. I am ecstatic about it and I cannot wait to devour through each line of each book and write in them with my marginal notes and highlight the important lines and symbolism to come or just good quotes. I am just itching to read them. I could stay up for nights and nights, and just ignore the rest of the world just to read through these books. Book love is like no other.
Overall it's been one heck of a day, I've missed having normal, good happy days. The amount of these days have increased tremendously in the past month, but I've become so accustomed to depressed, gloomy, tormented, agonizing days that I just don't know what to do with this sheer happiness. What's worst is that sometimes I don't even know how to contain nor share that joy. These days feel surreal and have dream like quality to them. You bet I am scared to death that these will be taken away from me. It feels like it's been years since I've laughed with my whole heart. I can't remember the last time I was light hearted. And I can't remember the last time I looked in peace towards the future and thinking about all the possibilities future might have in store for me for the first time makes me excited and hopeful, a good feeling about anything for the first time in...what feels like eternity. It feels incredible and it feels like I am living again.
There is a side of me that just wants to do with dangerous and wild things. I want to hear my heart pounding in my head as the blood rushes and my cheeks turn scarlet. Do something I haven't done before. Get lost perhaps...and maybe piercing takes it's edge off just a little bit ;).
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