Spirits

Have I mentioned how much I love independent and foreign films? What's that you're saying--no? Impossible that I've never mentioned this before. Well, let me repeat then, I love independent and foreign films. The topics are usually much more intriguing, cinematography is all that more appealing and story telling that much more creative. At the very least I don't feel like my brain cells have died at the end of the movie. I am not crying the past 90 minutes of my life was wasted and therefore should be returned back.

However, there is a much more dire and imposing topic on my mind that I can't seem to let go; Spirits, aka. alcohol. I've always been fond of alcohol and drinking. It's never been an issue to stop drinking for me. I've never liked the idea of blacking out, or drinking so much to a point of drunken frenzy of crazy shenanigans and throwing up everywhere with a guarantee of hangover the next morning. I don't need alcohol to do stupid stuff, I do that plenty in my daily life. Nor do I need alcohol to have a good time. I do outrageous stuff...somewhat and any wild behavior with sober and "crisp" mind.

My definition of enjoying alcohol isn't getting pissed drunk where I don't remember what I've done the previous night. I've never been fond of that. I also don't like people who likes to get drunk every weekend just to "have fun". I don't mind baby sitting good friends who might eventually sometimes get drunk. Baby sitting is meant for children, not adults and adults who can't handle their liquor by no means intrigue me--quite to the contrary, decreases my willingness to hang out with them. I like people who knows how to drink--properly. I also don't like people using alcohol as a cloak to hide under in order to lower their inhibitions without a guilty conscience, behave dangerously and perhaps engage in wild, not so ethical acts and come to possess not so moral thoughts. If you don't have the courage to do something on your own, with a conscience that has the possibility to feel remorse and guilt, and a sober mind to make that decision, don't use alcohol to do things you would normally never partake in and get away with any consequences and perhaps only a slap on the wrist. People should take responsibility for their actions and should choose to do acts because of their own free will, not drunken influences that has cerebrally left them impaired.

That kind of drinking has never, ever appealed to me. But I realize that it's easy for me to sit down here and type all of this out. I am one of the lucky people on this earth in regards to alcohol: I owe my alcohol etiquette to my family and the sect I come from. I've been around alcohol my entire life. My family, meaning grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles love to drink and serve alcohol. Ever since I could remember myself we've always had an alcohol stock. From Gin to Tequila, to all different kinds of Whiskey to Vodka to beer to Cognac and Brandy to mixers and wines. It was never locked away, it was never seen as an evil doer. I was always taught that I will get to taste it and enjoy alcohol when my age permitted it. Growing up, there weren't adults who got drunk at our house parties, weddings, engagement parties or other outings. People drank, people got a little red and boisterous, but they remained themselves with enough clear logic to tell stories of the past and explain religious rituals without messing it up or offending anyone. I had my first glass of wine on my 16th birthday party and I was encouraged to drink my first hard liquors in moderation under the watchful eyes of my parents. I was told to always drink with my mouth, slowly, on a full stomach as I was eating. I was told that I should never use alcohol to sully my heart with or to act cowardly and insanely. I should always try to build up my tolerance slowly and if I was unable to remain intact and respectful then I should decline drinking and avoid bringing shame to myself, my family and my sect. When I turned 21 my parents probably gave me one of the best advices to give in regards to alcohol. "Drink everything in moderation and don't mix and match it's not a clothing sale. Also if you do not have the money to buy average vodka, rum and tequila, don't buy cheap ones. Call us and we'll wire you the money." Therefore, I never had an animosity towards drinking, alcohol, nor did I have a love hate relationship where I regretted my actions the morning after. I never had to drink in secret and find other people's stashes or get myself a fake ID to get in to bars so I could drink. There was never any need for those as I could always have a glass of wine at dinner with my parents.

But, I realize now that not everyone has that kind of upbringing in regards to alcohol. In most societies as revered and loved as alcohol is everyone is taught that alcohol is bad. Alcohol should be avoided and we learn from pop culture that drinking means getting drunk beyond capability of comprehending the meaning of our actions. We are taught that alcohol is always used to erase away shyness and bring out the best and the fun character that lives deep inside even in the driest person in the world. Sometimes having this abundant levels of alcohol leaves a lot of young people but no choice to use it as a defense and, or coping mechanism. We are taught we should drink until we forget or cannot remember, not understanding that alcohol only enhances what we want to forget and we can't remember the good part of life, that is because alcohol itself has depressants in them. I think these kind of cultural learnings develop unhealthy ideas and ideals about alcohol that in turn not only has the possibility to hurt young individuals who are experiencing "unsolicited freedom" for the first time and even adults. This cultural outlook paves the way for the dependency on alcohol and the background of alcoholism to exist in such a detrimental way to destroy one's life.

While I would like to point out that I had never gotten drunk, this does not mean that I never got dizzy and drank more than I had estimated myself of capable. I enjoy a glass of wine as I read and definitely when I am writing poetry. I am sure there are entries in this blog's past where I have celebrated wine induced writing where it allowed me to just kind of shut out the world and take a closer look or perhaps just focus on one particular thing rather than everything at once. I also don't want to be seen as a champion of alcohol and putting all the blame on individuals; however I would like to highlight that it is an individual's choice what they decide to do with what's in the bottle. The liquid in the bottle reacts differently with everyone. It likes some and it doesn't like others so much.

Up until recently, I had no remorse for people who used alcohol as a medium for other things in their life such as controlling of other factions in their life, coping or a defense mechanism are just a few to name. I always taught that people who relied on alcohol as people with weak wills and wavering resolves to live at best. I couldn't understand their relationship and was judgmental towards it perhaps because I had no real life examples of someone who relied on alcohol to get through their daily life; be it emotional or physical strife and agony in my personal life. I did have one great-uncle who was later diagnosed with alcoholism, but I had never seen him destroy his life. To me he will always remain as the great uncle with clear blue eyes that always sung a song to us when he got "happy". He did much damage I learned years later, however that side of his drunkenness was never shown to me, nor did I ever see him act in strange behavior when he was drunk. Sometimes we need an invested, direct relationship examples or experiences to really see that sometimes it's not always about the weakened will or shaken resolve. Sometimes we just don't know any better and upbringing can have monumental effects on the way we see, view, understand and ultimately our relationship to alcohol. So, I'm relaxing my judgments and bias on alcoholism and the people who depend on this substance to go through life. This does not mean that I empathize with it, especially if the person has no will to change or is not showing the effort to clean their lives up. But, now I see that not everything can be as it seems and there could be other stories to tell besides the one that's written on the label of the bottle.