You decide

I know I should be more thankful towards everything I have. Life is difficult for everyone, but I just seem to be paying a high price for everything in my life. I am tired...

I should be concentrating on my work, and the large amount of academic work and thinking I have to accomplish by the end of this week, and I am no where near completion of those tasks. I get side tracked easily lately, which never used to happen. I am rather determined about my work. A bit of a perfectionist too. Of course there is always room for improvement.

I catch myself desperately wanting to to escape, and hide underneath my bed sheets. My mind wonders from all sorts of absurd thoughts to pretty much conspiratorial thoughts, and doom-like thoughts included.

This uncertainty is killing me. Maybe have just fall too hard, and want too much. Desire of him is so strong. My mind is always occupied by thoughts of him. I want to know everything, past, present, future. What he is thinking, what he is doing, what he is feeling. Is he drawn to me, is he attracted to me? I want to know everything. I should give it more time my mind logically explains, but my heart is hay wire, it jumps from one hypothesis to another, to premature conclusions and misleading clues that absolutely carries no meaning..well, sometimes they do. Its just the meanings are absurd, or one shouldn't be able to withdraw such meanings under such conclusions.

I kind of want to escape into this place, where...well none of this stupid drama exist.
I think I need to change a few things in my life again...
Duty calls.

There was a painting I had done, so many years ago. Must of been when I was a senior in high school or a freshman in college or so. Sounds about right. Its rather a morbid painting. In that state between wakefulness and sleep, it comes to mind. Lately, its what I've been seeing. A dark dark sky, and in the middle of the horizon, a blood red moon, with tides hovering over the moon, and a castle drawn upside down. It flashes from my very own eyes in weird, awkward moments.