I Must be Crazy

I didn't write here for a few days and I went through a lot of emotions and had to do some decision making.

The result is...I haven't been able to come to a decision. As decisive as I can be...I guess there are times even when I struggle to come to a conclusion. I don't know what I am doing..I must be out of my mind..where is this comfort and calmness is coming but yet I can feel in my core that something doesn't fit right and there is a restless part of me that can hardly fall asleep at night.

The path I am going to make myself will change the flow of how I live my life for the rest of my life. Which...will inevitably either make me or come back to bite me in the ass. I should be scared and making plans, but maybe for the first time I am waiting and waiting and letting it all happen as the flow of the water falls down to the big ocean. Eventually things will find their path...isn't it how it always has been?

How long did I try to get into American University? Ever since my freshman year in highschool. But where am I? Was I ever able to achieve it? NO! Regardless of how hard I tried. And now..it doesn't even matter. It seems like that's not where I want to go. I have no plan in particular, nor do I know what is right or wrong in that sense any longer.

*Sigh* I really must be out of my mind...


Why am I doing this to myself?I know I should get out when I can. But I just can't let go. I know the end of this relationship is not going to be happy. I seem to be living for the moments of tranquil and affections which are few and rare in between. I was never this way before. I guess this is what it means to be in love. I guess this is why one must always be careful about what they wish.