Action Now

After a long talk which eventually turned into an argument, tears and wounds I've finally made the call. I'm running out of time and I either act now, or never. Whatever happens, needs to happen. We have to be able to move on, even if it is being wounded and trying to move on from that wound. If it's shame, guilt, sinfulness I am feeling and, I also need to move onto trying to cope with these issues. But if I don't act, nothing is happening and I can't be moving on. I wish we didn't have to have this, and I so desperately hoped it wouldn't have come to this. It has and it needs a solution. No matter what I did, or didn't do, it's not going away on its own. That means somebody has to do something. That somebody has to be me. No one else can do anything for me at this situation.

Tears rolling and with a deep heart ache and trembling fingers, I dialed the number and got the help I needed. We have an appointment for the day after. I know it's only going to get more complicated, difficult and darker after this. Even so, it is going to be change and something that needs to happen so that better days can eventually come and that I can repent for my sins and shame.

This is going to be the hardest thing I've done, I know it. This way though, we have a chance at survival.

Sometimes, action without dialogue, without long conversation that is unilaterally decided is best.