June

I can't believe it is June. Those dreading times have lessened. The long depression is partially over. I can at least feel alive. Being alive is better being living as a corpse. At least I can feel and I am not continually, systematically numbing myself. I am glad I've stuck with blogging daily. It has made a difference. I definitely am not writing great content. I am not going into anything deep and my entries unfortunately aren't always fresh. I can be repetitive. But I promised myself I was not going to censure myself too much and allow my emotions to surface and be expressed, even if on limited terms. I am not a bottler. I can't bottle it up too much, because volume is small and I end up blowing up sooner, rather than later.

It's allowed me to stay connected to my own body. My thoughts had a somewhere to go back to. They knew there was an anchor holding them, guiding them and waiting for them. They realized and existentialist purpose and I am hoping to grow from this, entirely, totally.

June is going to suck. It's going to be difficult. The weather has been yucky as well But this gives me time. This gives me incentive and motivation. One more thing to finish and I will be done. We will be done. I can move on to bigger, better and important steps.

I am disoriented, I am not sure where to begin and where to stop, entirely. I don't know how far I should be chasing. But, I am here and I am going to make this count. We have to go somewhere with this. A little bit more is all I've got left.