Time

Time is a funny thing, or rather a mystical thing. Yes, I know there are twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, thirty days a month, twelve months a year and so on and so forth. I realize that there are 60 seconds a minute and sixty minutes an hour. But it doesn't always go as smoothly as science makes it. Sometimes minutes goes by slow, they appear to stretch forever as strips of memories just plays as a movie, over and over again. Then again, moments stretch out far into the future, showing a movie of things to come, restricted as far as our imagination can lead us. Time has the mystical powers to heal, regenerate as it has the potent power to destroy and turn a person or a thing into a desolate, decayed skeleton, abandoned to be buried and forgotten.

Today was awkward, left in a dilemma that's just difficult to solve, no matter how many minutes passed by, how busy I was, time did not move--at all today. Time stood still and no matter how I turned the issue up and down, this side or the other, I came to no conclusion at all...to wait and see things out. Repeating past mistakes is not something I am fond of, but...I don't know if this is the same. This is my biggest problem, when I am like this, I make no decisions on it and leave it to God to see how it plays out. Sometimes it plays out in my favor and probably more often times it does not. But acting without coming to a decision just feels like even a more stupider thing to do. The answer is perhaps somewhere deep down, maybe I even know it already, but I choose to ignore and be blind to it, throwing everything else to oblivion, perhaps a future, perhaps a heart, perhaps a being. Maybe I am just too afraid to act one way or the other, but I have a problem of letting go too. The devil you know over the devil you don't know--I am just not sure how healthy that is though. I like having the possibility of a full bright future, a blank page as you will, unwritten waiting to be lived so it can be written in, with characters, emotions and plots.

Working today, it reminded me of the times I originally worked at Sinbad's. It felt like no time had changed at all. I was still twenty or twenty one and working my ass off, hoping to get out of here and make something of myself, get myself a better life, better future, better career and the things my parents always wanted to give me, but could not, the things I had to work myself to provide for myself. It feels like I am back to where I begun, I've come a full circle, I am just not sure how far I have traveled; perhaps millions of miles, perhaps only a few yards. I guess the upcoming year will decide that.

--My heart has sunk.