End of Rochester

And I am through all that Rochester has to offer me. I am stifled. Without the possibility of traveling on my own, I feel restricted from participating among the day walkers, also rejected from the society as we know them. There is nothing around where my parents live, and I feel imprisoned to the house, simply because I cannot leave when I desire to do so. It feels like all kinds of my freedom are taken away from me, simply by being here.

Howard's End came to an end and I unfortunately didn't bring extra books with me, and now I am hung out to dry. I am baffled by my light packing for the first time. Why didn't I bring more books? What will I do without my writing utensils, my book list?

Rochester, you suck monkey balls. I miss my S, our apartment, my own bed, our kitchen and the bright Madison, where people mingle with others. The sun that glances at Madison, the ability to walk and take the bus, or bicycle anywhere you wish. The Energy of Madison, the community of smiling faces and the fresh air by the lake.

Missing Madison

:(

S, I miss you. Very much. I miss sleeping on the same bed with you. I miss the way you greet me as you enter through the door, at the end of a day, everyday, with the same enthusiasm, unchanging. You're the one constant good thing in my life that never fails to deliver. A daily dose from you and, life is everything there can be, should be.

I miss the scent of your tobacco that mixes in effortlessly with your cologne. I like the scruffy beard you have. I like the way you hold on to me as we sleep at night and how you say good morning, every morning, without a hitch.

I like seeing your brown eyes that are such a different color that it's hard for me to describe. Looking at them are like looking at the eyes of an innocent child, who is so precocious and excited to experiment. Still, untainted and wholly sincere, with his whole heart open to bear everything, never having the reason to mistrust anyone ever.

I like how you play around, goof off, to the end, even when you know you've gotten me upset. But you know, each time, how to be forgiven.

Ponder This

It's a little awkward to think about this. But there will be 26 years between me and this baby, my uncle's first born. That is a huge gap, to say the least between cousins to have. It's a little apprehensive to think about. My children and my uncle's children will be around the same age group. I am pretty sure it defies laws of all kinds, many along the way, but it's hard to wrap my mind around it.

There is only 8 years between my uncle and I. There are 12 years between my mother and my uncle. I guess when you combine the fact my mother married young and had me young (she had me at age 20) and my uncle had his relatively late (in comparison to my mother) the gap widens and now our children will belong to the same children as opposed to me and his children being in the same age group. It's a little ghastly to think about. I guess it's even further awkward to think about that generally, I should have had children already by this age. It helps that I haven't and am not thinking about doing so yet.

Ah, the reproduction timing of families

Grandparents

My grandparents have floated up with the helium of happiness that has been cruising in their veins. Considering that there will be 26 years between me and this new baby, that is kind of expected and normal I am assuming. Of course, considering I don't even have children, my assumptions don't particularly hold much of a weight.
Not to mention, this baby will be their youngest child's baby. It's almost like a rite of passage, a monumental moment in their life, transitioning into old age All of their children have been married and now having kids. They feel that their mission in life, obligations have been fulfilled and now can turn to themselves.

In Rochester

Rochester as always is its boring, oppressive, gray self. The landscape reminds me of an industry town in mid 70s.

I've never been able to catch happiness here. I am not particularly sure why, maybe because it's always so gloom here and the sun forgets to pass by on it's way to the south. Perhaps it's the sheer fact that there is a huge Turkish community here, increasing my chances of running into one, and the conservative culture that comes with the statistics is what suffocates me. Perhaps its the fact that there is very little to do, walking around is not appreciated and public transportation simply doesn't exist. Or maybe it's the fact of emotions and feeling like you belong, versus feeling like you don't belong. I've never felt at home, and perhaps it's as simple as that. Why I never felt that Rochester was welcoming towards me is another question to ponder.

At least I have Howard's End to keep me company.

Happy 33rd, Uncle

It's my uncle's 33rd birthday. My uncle is only 8 years older than I am. It's a bit eerie to think about and, also, gross. Evidently, he is an accident baby of my grandparents. But having an uncle so young has been one of my greatest gifts. I have two uncles, and the uncle in question is the younger of the two. Having two uncles who adored, admired and loved me to bits has helped me regularly, as it would any child.  They are two of the greatest male examples I've had in my life. They're caring, humorous, kind and equipped with a good heart, well intentioned. Over the years, they've selflessly sacrificed much and have also been sacrificed for.

Happy Birthday, to many more, loving, healthy, happy and miraculous years.

Berra's Baby Shower!

I'm back at Rochester for Baby Berra's baby shower! My uncle and his wife will be having a baby girl, their first child. My grandparents are over the moon, as if this is their first grandchild.

The baby shower turn out was well, food was great and although I hate the color pink, it was fun to see pink adorning every possible thing this time around. I do wish they would have used another color scheme.

It's amazing how ignorant people could be and when it suits them cease their courteous niceties because they wish to act a certain way on someone else's dime. But that's Turkish people for you. They just love to make others uncomfortable and bend the rules to suit their own needs, whatever the time, whatever the occasion and whatever the people.

But this is another testament to my mom, whose intelligence never ceases to amaze me and her absolute determination to make something out of nothing and make sure it is successfully completed. Her hard work, careful maneuvering and smart solutions to tough problems, I am happy to have such a strong woman as a mother. I've been truly blessed.

No matter how hard, depressive and difficult things may be, she is always the optimist, always holding on until the storm is over.