In Rochester

Rochester as always is its boring, oppressive, gray self. The landscape reminds me of an industry town in mid 70s.

I've never been able to catch happiness here. I am not particularly sure why, maybe because it's always so gloom here and the sun forgets to pass by on it's way to the south. Perhaps it's the sheer fact that there is a huge Turkish community here, increasing my chances of running into one, and the conservative culture that comes with the statistics is what suffocates me. Perhaps its the fact that there is very little to do, walking around is not appreciated and public transportation simply doesn't exist. Or maybe it's the fact of emotions and feeling like you belong, versus feeling like you don't belong. I've never felt at home, and perhaps it's as simple as that. Why I never felt that Rochester was welcoming towards me is another question to ponder.

At least I have Howard's End to keep me company.

Maybe, Rochester?

There are many wonderful skills and all kinds of things people learn by living away from their parents. Its the first introduction to the adult world, responsibilities and the time where many late teens, young adults face consequences and learn on their own to navigate through the world of realities that different social classes, race, gender, religion has constructed over the decades of historical, social, governmental policies enacted, later supported by media and what not.

The downside is that we don't have access to that parental love, acceptance, warmth, understanding and tolerance. This is especially true for me, considering that my mother is my world and that I come from a very affectionate family where words of endearment, kisses, hugs, cuddles are of the norm, almost on a daily, if not strictly. And no matter how much I love my own space, my own time and individuality and the ability to stand on my own (at least my very best efforts to) is priceless to me, though whenever I stay too far away for too long from hugs, kisses and words of endearment I begin to show symptoms of withdrawal. I am not saying that it is a drug and that it has dependency issues (perhaps it does, and requires a thin balance that needs to be maintained at all times) it's not actually like drug dependency.

So, we have decided to go to Rochester sometime in January to see my family. S will come with me to visit, meet the rest of my family and well, make this official. Here's to good food, a loving family and an adoring boyfriend.