Ecstasy

Getting work done is ecstatic. Getting more work done then listed on one's to do list is even more ecstatic. It's also ecstasy to see a blank white page that is staring at me whether from a computer screen or a paper waiting to be filled, to be written in/on. The pages of a new book that I have not yet highlighted and have not written on its pages to remind myself of the important points. These are all exciting to me as I seek to learn and to well perhaps leave my mark on it. Finally I say each time. Sometimes they collectively tire out my fingers, hand, arms and eyes. My neck is often stiff and sore. My back hurts often from standing on chairs all day long or sometimes all night long writing and reading. My right hand goes numb often due to over use, my fingers are almost always swollen due to this. But that's okay. I accept and embrace these physical handicaps for the feeling of getting closer to my goal, learning one more thing, staying within the limits of my things to do list one more time.

That being said, what is even more thrilling is writing book reviews. Now, I know these don't do much for many people, but they are an essential for me. It's a great way to maintain one's library and a quick read of these reviews often reminds ones of important details quickly to be able to rethink about something we've read in the past, sometimes with joy and sometimes with dread.

Each novel I read will usually include a page of paper with an overall thoughts, views, opinions and deciphering of the said novel. This helps me organize my thoughts and quickly remember old facts that might have been pushed under to clear some space for the new information I might gain (eventually, hopefully, that is the goal of everyone right?) I also love maintaining an online library so that if I am away from home for a while, I can always see what to buy next without having to wreck my brain over what was it that I had last read and wanted to read next, should I take a break in between books for longer than a week. Any excuse to write I tell myself. Including in online reviews of those books for such sites as B&N for example established a little bit more of my tone and my style of writing. Not to say I write properly and that my voice has settled in or that I am writing in the right voice to begin with, but it is at least helping me develop my own writer voice which will surely come in handy when writing essays, reports, reviews and eventually fictional pieces.

I wrote quite a few of them tonight online. I feel rejuvenated, refreshed and well, a little giddy about it. At this point the only thing that is capable of giving me happiness--times are rough people.

Sometimes, to me it's surprising how the miniscule things that no one cares about keeps me sane and allows me a glimpse of happiness, while sometimes grand gestures leaves me in awe but unhappy and looking behind the act to find something that will eventually make me miserable. Most often it does. It's not so much person based either. Grand gestured pulled by people I adore have offended and hurt me tremendously over my 24 years of life on this planet.

My grammar right about now is probably horrible as I had not written seriously for a while and that I have not been on great terms of understanding with my Grammar Bible book. It's late and I am sleepy, so my grammar has gotten even more lazy than it usually is. Hopefully I haven't made too serious offenses and that it is in it's essence readable.