Isolation

Between waking up early and coming home near midnight to wake up early once again, I feel I've been left isolated, barren and bereft. Sure, I see my coworkers every single day for the past God knows how long. It is true I on a daily basis interact with strangers. But these engagement of other human beings is meaningless, impotent and brief. I have nothing to talk about with my coworkers, who are more attuned to who is hotter of the customers, which ones are to make fun of, and which criminal stories to tell. The number of meaningful conversations are nearly nonexistent with customers who are simply there to get there food, pair it with a great glass of wine and enjoy it over a thoughtful and engaging conversation with whomever it is they came with. They hardly notice you as a waitress and couldn't care less about you (naturally). On the off case that the customer is actually interested in engaging in a conversation, you're so busy that you couldn't be bothered, because really, you have to take their red lentil soup out, replenish drinks, open a bottle of wine and to take the right food to the right table. For someone who likes to share, converse and go into detail about various topics and things, I feel handicapped and that my voice has been ripped right from my throat. Also, seeing no one else to engage in other human activities, has left me feeling isolated like, I don't even exist, no matter what I do won't matter, where I go I'll continue to be invisible and my dreams are floating miles further away into the other end of the universe.

Working too much, with severe working conditions, expected responsibilities that must be fulfilled with obligated duties and long hours leave little to no time for one's self and life in general. I like having that quiet time to myself where I can unwind and let my thoughts roll off as they develop and hit a corner of milestone or in need of more information. I like doing various activities that engages the body and the mind. I barely have time to pick up the pen and write. Doing these blogs sometimes is my only escape, however insufficient at most. Because all these characters, cluttering through my mind are awaiting for an outlet to escape, but instead they keep being bottled up and everyday it grows more crowded until it falls silent due to over exhaustion.

It's impossible to be an island to yourself indefinitely.