So Far 2013

Well, so far 2013 has been a roller coaster. It's definitely an animated year. It's full of surprises and the beautiful blessing of being with S, the wonderful man that he is has been truly a gift. I've had some of my best memories and happiest laughters in the presence, caused by S. I never thought that my heart could grow so big to love someone so much, and very deeply, fierce against all odds and no matter the kind of side effects. I simply thought I wasn't capable of that, until S, came along.

We've gotten engaged and even religiously married. Which is the same as being married. These wonderful events have become the light of my life and have been constant reminds of good fortune thus far. My heart is at rest that I've fallen in love with such a great guy and no little noises in my head about the man I've chosen. No doubts, no regrets.

But as life would have it, as any good novel would, the drama, the emotional strife and the stakes have risen double, perhaps triple. It's the highest stakes of my life so far. Though I doubt I can ever have anything more climactic and action packed that as heart wrenching as this is ever again in my life.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me being just another person, that's perhaps much luckier than most.

Transgressions

Sexual and romantic relationships differ in their nature, duration and emotions invested in the relationship. The commitment bestowed and achieved are always unequal. There is inherently something unequivocal and imbalanced about them, since the dawn of humanity x thousands of years ago. One would think, it was especially so in the past, where there were wider and greater gender gaps on treatment of love and relationships. In my very modest, very unscientific opinion, this still greatly holds true. But it isn't just about gender. I see that a lot of men can end up with the muddy end of the stick, and sometimes it's women. It's about who holds the power in the relationship and the way circumstances lead to and begin a relationship.

In this one relationship I have witnessed that has been continually campaigning against my very being, soul, existence and relationship. It is true, I have been hearing everything from someone who has EVERYTHING to lose. I believe the story is being skewed in many lights, where I continually have to ask and ask and ask again the same question from many different angles to get to the truth of it. It's an onion anecdote applies here. The more I peel, the more that comes out and the more I feel violated and that there has been gross accounts of violations. Though the further I investigate, the further I am disgusted and revolted by everything that has transpired and the moral, ethical transgression are reprehensible.

The truth, no matter is hidden in shadows, crooks, misunderstandings, atmosphere and circumstances. Women, should never be ashamed of being sexually or otherwise, bold, assertive and even initiative. Sexuality, romance, initiative taking should be celebrated and never be punished for it. However, I feel that blurring the lines along two people in which one over the other has clear responsibilities, trust, power over in terms of potion and respect should never be allowed and should never go unpunished. I am sorry that sometimes things don't work out. It certainly is not my fault that I came along the picture. I think it's usually obvious when someone has no intention of being with you when you're ignored and blocked several months at a time. I think it's a signal to take for a woman who is seeking more out of the company of another human being. Unfortunate, we don't always do the right thing for our heart, instead get our prides stomped on and get our hearts broken in the process.

But it is despicable to assail someone's relationship, because yours failed and was doomed from the beginning that had never been taken seriously. It's also not right to continually try to make the other woman in the picture feel uncomfortable, and try to sow the sees of doubt on her mind to undermine her respect and trust towards her partner.

People sometimes, have to understand that there are loss loves and move on. The ability to move on is never easy, I should know. I understand. But by acting in vengeance towards someone who had no hand in the way the relationship begun and developed is also desperately low. I always say, reevaluating ones own emotions, thoughts and the way someone is being treated is always the key to the answer. Change is up to us and if we don't help ourselves, no one else will. Don't put yourself into that situation. Especially after a certain age, it's more than just unflattering. It's a character flaw that will lead to our eventual doom.