The Cheesiness Continues

Today, being the second month anniversary (though I must mention, I wonder the ensuing, never ending capacity of my inability to end my cheesiness, I swear, I was never like this before) I think the Universe is sending out mixed signals at best.

After months of grueling research, paper gathering, document searching, discovering, finding, securing, obtaining, scanning, photocopying, endless hours spent in front of the computer screen, reading through what seemed to me an abyss of information regarding the whole non-immigrant to immigrant status changes, what, which forms, what documents needed, required, where to and how to obtain them, how to handle, fill out and send said such forms, lawyer investigation, finding, calling and begging of free consultations, we were finally able to have our consultation.

(I realize the sentence is a run-on sentence. I obviously could have changed it and made it far more logical, organized and grammatically correct. Though, the constant, never ending, out of breath state of the sentence, described rather accurately our days since May 24th, once without a stop, break and that continues to suck the life out of cores).

In the past two weeks intense research about J-1 Visa Waiver Process, we found out more than we wanted to. Only because, it was such discouraging news that the first night, we walked around Madison for hours, on the West side of the city and had to hail a cab back home. We felt paralyzed, we discussed, and discussed, created scenarios and tried to get to the bottom of a truth we had no access to, nor the knowledge to hypothesize. We were so disappointed and felt so heavy hearted, so desperate and not knowing what to do, nor what was available, eventually we both broke down, hugging and crying for a good amount.

Of course, the next day, we continued searching through the web, forums and any kind of legal website that offered free online information and consultation, of any kind. We browsed, read, reread and reflected and then discussed what that meant to us, what we could do with that option and what remained an availability of what we could do. Then we repeated this process again and again. By Tuesday of this week, we realized how grim our situation could be if our only option was to stay here, no matter. But as we worked out through the information, what we wanted to do, what we could do and how we could best attain them. We've always decided that we were going to go back to fulfill S's Two Year Home Stay Requirement when the time came and would actually try to first live in Turkey, considering that we both have buffed up our resume to take such a bold action. We'd try, see what Turkey has offered and is able to offer us, measure our happiness, satisfaction with our lives and jobs and make a decision whether to continue living in Turkey or coming back to the States.

The main issue is that we refuse to live far apart, under any circumstances and for any amount of time, over a three month period (which we decided would be the most we could accomplish and sustain our sanity) and that S definitely had to finish his program here, I would also have to go back to school and finish my Masters with some sort of work experience which will grant me a better job position then were we to stay here.

It seems that obtaining a J-1 Visa waiver when the visa is sponsored via Fullbright is near impossible. So beware those of you who are trying to accomplish this, chances are slim. Though, I suppose the contents of that is another post.

So, we're going to have to make do and make some adjustments to our next five and next ten years goals. Looks like we'll be going to Turkey sooner rather than later.

Holy Cheesiness

As cheesy as this is, it has been a whole months since the day we've said "I Do".  I've mostly been excited and gushing about it as often as the chance has presented itself in conversations, introductions and reintroductions. It's also been unfortunate that the first few weeks of our marriage has been shrouded in plight, obstacle frenzied, finally producing the courage to act on a difficult, painful decision and the tears that was caused by it. However, needless to say, it's been a surreal experience.

First of all, the day of our ceremony was a beautiful, sunny day. Considering that Madison has been freezing, even this late in May was discouraging. But we woke to a warm, sunny day that eventually put me and my increasingly crashing brain at ease. To have been able to finish everything in time-- with much help from S, who stayed up with me peeling onions, potatoes, tomatoes, zucchinis along with me and helping me stir soups and roll Baklava doughs, staying up the whole night with me to only sleep for a few hours was probably a crash course on one of the many reasons why I decided to marry this wonderful man--and be actually living in that moment, going through this monumental task, rite of passage and incredibly intimate life defining moment, has been a profound experience in my life that has both elated and humbled my own emotions, and outlook in life.

Secondly, to have been lucky enough to have friends who cherish, appreciate and value our individualities, and support our relationship entirely and take the time from their extremely busy schedules to attend our very small, private ceremony in front of the State Capitol Building. They've all individually came out, decked out, men dashed out and the women artistically beautiful, with their cards, flowers and gifts at hand. I can't remember the amount of pictures we've taken and certainly is enough to fill several photo albums.

Thirdly, we're even luckier to have an extremely wonderful couple whose encouraging, supportive and kind natures have always kept them near and dear to our hearts. Whose friendships we've continually sought and whose hearts has been our solace in the inability of our parents attending this extremely important day of our lives--the most important day of our lives. The friends' whose helpful natures have allowed us the opportunity to have our nuptial party at their backyard, providing us even with an all paid BBQ.

It felt good to walk hand in hand, having worn my short, summer lace dress, with my nude Guess shoes and a hand made bouquet of red and white roses and daisies. Exactly one month ago today, S and I, our dream had been accomplished. We both began our shared lives, lovingly and entirely peaceful about the decision we've made. We accomplished the most important dream of our lives, being married to each other--to the right person, whom we have been searching for our entire lives. The promises we've made in secret became government sanctioned, witnessed by our friends and our commitment now has begun to be documented. In this wonderful life spanning dream, we'll grow, learn, mature together, to aspire, to reach and lean and to accomplish, to obtain and to fulfill other goals, dreams that will be satisfying and obtained after years of hart work, encouragement, and turmoil only lessened by one anothers support, warmth and kindness.

We partied the day away until late at night, eating, drinking, sharing our wonderful stories of one another and the memories we've shared with our friends. We danced some and we reminisced, looking forward to the future.

Happy Anniversary, My Hamsi :)

1 Year Anniversary

Today is our 1 year anniversary. A whole year since the first day we met, began talking to each other, confessed our feelings to one another, made the decision to try this out, moved in, went through Ramadan, Muharrem, birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentines and eventually arriving at today.

It's interesting to note the fluidity of time, where at first it stalled, stagnated and then flied out the window and a whole year found itself completed and has made us both feel warm, awed and that we've been with one another for a life time.

It feels like we've always been together and that, we've opened our eyes to the world, with one another, as if no other person existed, and there were no interferences and in this world, there is just you and me.

Never had I loved anyone so much, with all of my soul to the last drop of it, and never had I been loved so much, with all of his beliefs, passion and being.

I could never be without you, for you are my world.