A little releasing.

Lately, there has been a lot going on. I feel alive again! Ah, what a treat this is.
To feel, to think, to be passionate once again. I feel like I've been numb and frozen for a very long time. Now, I am finally defrozen, thawed, with a beating heart. I am not frantically crying anymore, I am not losing sleep ( as much anymore; and although I am no professional but I do know myself better than anybody else can ever hope to, which this surplus of sleep is a good progress sign.) I am back to being me, to being this happy but melancholy thinker, woman, person, frantic researcher.

To have your happiness being dependent on another human being is overwhelming, tiring and painful. Your own freedom is taken from your own hands, mind, heart and will. It is a relief to say that I no longer have that dependency. Although where this is leading is another thought, for another day. So I'll leave it at that. ... for now at least.

I am oozing out with these imaginative, creative ideas for writing, for thinking. I am looking things up, and learning. These ideas come flowing into my head about anything and everything. I enjoy a book again, and I can have deep literary discussions. I feel ecstatic that I can do these things again.

To be alive, to feel, to think is great. Hm, future looks promising, and glimmering of hopes comes right into my day.
I do have a lot of work to do, but I sure am not shy. I am willing to do it and get out of this rut once again.
Suffering and pain is definitely there for the rest of any one individual's life. No one is ever exception to that. In our own lives, to our own eyes, relativity is subjective compared to the universe. Therefore our own pain is the worst. Everything is harder to us. But, anything that makes life worth living is the mystery of what will and what can happen. Can our destiny's change inevitably in the future? The hope of a future. The promise of happiness. Allures us to make our lives better, to live through life and not just sadistically escape the suffering and the pain.