I've put my own mini Christmas decorations up for a spread of the holiday cheer and to bring color to our otherwise awfully neglected apartment. Usually, I tend to be more home fixated and do various project at home. As that being said, I still don't particularly feel like this is my apartment. S has been living here for the past 3 years, before I came along. He shared this apartment with his ex roommate, who has now returned back to Azerbaijan. There have been a long number of partners brought in for the night, or the short term. The bed isn't mine. The bedroom isn't mine and the kitchen isn't mine. It feels like I made do, until we have to move, though we definitely don't want to move for now, considering we'd like to save the money.
It has disbursed the gray clouds hovering over our heads individually and the sunken mood we have of the continuous assaults on the integrity of our relationship. To bring the cheer of inability to spend quality time together and to rush through the night into bed and out of sleep in the mornings. Inability to communicate at all throughout the day, exception of perhaps one phone call around three o'clock.
To put in a little bit of red and green, perhaps hang a stocking or two will bring us closer to our apartment in hopes of making it a home. Considering I moved here as a temporary solution, which turned into a permanent residence, everything that was placed, was placed temporarily, became permanent without much thought. I didn't give it much thought, because as long as it was out of the way for the moment, it was good enough. Though obviously, it doesn't always work so well for longer term arrangements.
Hoping for holiday cheer and decoration to warm us all.
