Mess of S

S is a kind, loving and compassionate person. While he may be more naive than usual men for his age when it comes to his innocence and the frank ability to trust people, what they say, their actions and being able to take them on their word. He's never been really duped, or put in an awkward situation by trusting another human. What a wonderful world he's lived in. He's had great friends and his family continues to be supportive of everything he does. He has rarely been wronged, and definitely not on a large scale where his faith in humanity rises above mine.

S is a hard worker, holds many core principles and does not waver from them. At least, I haven't seen him do so. He trusts blindingly, gives his all to an employer, and tries to do his best, not only for himself but for his higher ups because he wants to show how much he appreciates being trusted and put in a position of trust and power. He'll give his weekends, nights and days, continually, without complaining or resenting the job he does.

So, when everything came to the bottom line in the beginning of the summer, it was something he was not looking forward to, left him him crumbles. The tall imaginary building he had created for himself with his accomplishments, works and the long hours he pulled in, all came crashing down. He no longer can stand up straight, his pride is wounded and hurt. He does not know where to go and what to do with himself. Any talk of science or chemistry is painful to him. But he's got lots of pain and disappointment to air out of his system before he can actually do anything productive.

He's left here, with me instead, moping and trying to make it do without suffering too much. Unfair, really.

The Day After

We walked a long time with S. For hours, up and down Madison, in the middle of the night He just can't say anything else, trying to convey his emotions in a thoughtful way that and in a way that would make to an outsider like me. Someone whose any kind of Chemistry knowledge came from a basic Chemistry class, years ago, I cannot understand the Scientific Method, process or how things move along. But I can sympathize and understand the emotions he is going through. Telling him that does no good, because the less he feels I understand, the more he will tell me, which means the more he will vent, without censoring his own emotions, which will eventually get better with time.

He just doesn't know where to begin to hold on to light, how to make himself feel better, and what steps to take next. Our obvious concerns are, what will happen, what should our next steps be and how could we get over this with the softest blow?

Bad News

We've discussed this option for a very long time, since December, over and over with S, continually. From evening to dawn of the next morning. I thought we were prepared for this. We can't seem to take a breather for a very long time, it seems. Something is happening to someone, with short intervals. At least, I am getting better bit by bit, so now, I can support S.

S received some heart breaking news today. His professor no longer wants to work with him. This was shattering to S. The always humorous, always optimist S that I knew was in shambles today, his voice shaken and his eyes sunken. this is hard news to hear for someone in the academia who has worked 16 hours a day trying to make everyone but himself happy, trying to meet expectations. For someone who has given his whole three years, he feel so stifled and short-changed and I can't blame him. His wound is big and hurtful. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. His sadness is visible and I just don't know what to say to him to soothe him better. He feels like it's a big slap on the face. People who thought academia was face, you have no idea how wrong that is and how competitive everything is in these institutions' walls.

Long walks is all we can take. Maybe the fresh spring air will make him feel better. At the moment, this is all we can do.