Another Set of Bad News

It seems S can't catch a break. I think he caught my bad case of luck from me. He is the person whose life has went according to plan, and things happening, what he wanted, even if they were delayed. Now that he knows he won't be teaching either, we just don't know what to do financially. We were getting by hardly as it is, now this. We are definitely in a tight situation.

I hope S can recover from this. Even if he does, it's going to take him the whole summer, I can see that. Two things happening so close to one another. He is still venting over the difficulty of his emotions and how much he feels like he was used.

All of this hard work? For what? I wish I knew what to do, other than just listen to him. I wish I could give him a solution, keep him focused and allow him to have unlimited time to mourn and get over it. He was there when I needed him to be, and hopefully I can fulfill that role for him just as well.

Out of a group, without a teaching position, our summer is already looking like a nightmare.

Quits

I am calling it quits. I can no longer keep going. I am physically beyond exhausted. It's like waking up from the grave every morning. I worked the month of December without a day off. I am expected to be there about 12 hours a day, everyday, up beat about it, without proper breaks and enough time to rest. And this is not enough, as I have to commute to work via public transportation, leaving me even less time at home, everyday. Leaving me less time for sleep, for chores, for personal growth, personal grooming, and other necessities of life, such as grocery shopping, taking care of paper work, reading, and perhaps taking a thirty minute walk by my house. All of this has become impossible. I wake up, rush out the door, usually without breakfast at this point. Stay at work, and come back to the house, to perhaps throw a bite into my mouth, wash the dishes and take a shower to scrape off the grease from my scalp. Then I do it all over again, again and once more.

What's more is that I am also mentally tired. I cannot understand these people. Their expectations are beyond necessity and humanly possible. I hate nearly everyone I work with, perhaps there are two or three exceptions to this. I have no time to read, no time to write, no time to search, no time to watch a movie. No time to unwind when I come home. I am constantly battling against time, and I am tired of coming out as the clear loser. There are no time to the necessary things we need to for our survival.

I am calling it quits. At this point, I couldn't care less about my financial woes. This is way too much. I need my sanity to survive through this. I am already emotionally broken down, hurt, wounded and my pride beyond tarnished. Breathing hurts. Going to sleep hurts. Initially, I was glad to just have a job due to the things we needed to pay for, things we needed to purchase for our home, and to save up for the upcoming year and the uphill battle, the wedding. But with this, there won't be any me to wear that wedding gown, walk down the aisle.

I am calling it quits.