Next Big 3 Items of Our Agenda

We've established our big three items in our collective agenda. We've gotten a new apartment and figured out the logistics that goes along with it. We've taken care of my serious health problem, and we have also gotten ourselves insured and went in for our first check ups. We're back in Madison, eased in and totally immersed back in our lives.

Finding lawyers and information about our situation is what comes next and what is of most importance. We have to figure out a way to plan this out carefully and stick to it. Tax season will be coming again and I want to be prepared this time around. Note to self, also do your taxes. I also want to have a tentative plan that would lay out to us what we need to do and give us a time frame to work. Which will make me a better person, a more productive adult as I would have the flames of time on my back, licking my sweat and slashing against my sweat to motivate me. Nothing works like worry and the question of physical survival. I guess we should include that item number two is us individually getting our taxes done. The number three item would be for S to find his new research group so that he can continue on with his program without any hitches.

It's back to reality for us.

Wondering About the Future

I've been thinking about this circumstance a lot, wholeheartedly. It's difficult to make up from down. I had always pictured this moment, and it was a cornerstone of my future dreams to one day come to realize it. It's a cold reality to face when things happen so grossly out of your comfort zone and dreams. Better yet, the things you've been delaying and in hopes of achieving working your hardest, to find out that you're in this situation, have this opportunity and cannot under any circumstance accept it. Because if you do, your own version of hell will be wreaking havoc here, on earth.

Thinking about it too much, lead to being sad about it from the bottom of my heart, which made the pain all the more stronger, searing through my flesh. A glass of wine will help I said. But things did not end well when I finished the whole bottle myself. I ended up quite drunk, and a sad drunk at that, that blabbered, cried, screamed and would not take no for an answer. It's hurtful to me, it's hurtful to S. My actions are inexcusable.

I wonder what kind of a reaction I will have if this was ever to be found out. What kind of treatment would I get from others? Would I be scorned? Would I be disrespected? Would I forever be banished from heaven? What kind of an explanation will I be able to give on the day of judgment. What kind of an answer will I be able to give my own child? These answers are terrifying and I can't bear to know the answers.