Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!


Enjoy your spooky night with little trolls, ghosts and witches as they have the thrill of their lives!

All this force, this pushing, this exaggerating,  and overwhelming the soul. Slowly ruining any kind of lustre I might have had at some point in time.

I do not like people who are mean to their kids and torture their step children in various way, isolating and shunning them.

Who Cares

Coffee in my mug is stale,
Grown tired of cleaning the teapot,
who cares about the egg pan,
So let's just disappear into the night.

New Beginnings

For the sake of writing and fulfilling a promise I have given myself, I will write until the end of this old, whitened and cursed year. But I no longer will be writing in this journal from the beginning of 2014. So much has accumulated here, I just can't get myself to continually write on here after that.

Even if I do not want to, I have to strive for a new beginning so that I may at least pick up the pieces and try to exist, even if in a miserable state. So I need lines and lines between my recent past and the present for the sake of a future…even for the possibility of the future.

Postman

Postman, stop bringing me mail I do not desire to open.

Promises of Future

I want to do more, but ah, at last, the shackling insecurities, skills with gaps, no certifications to prove, we'll all be damned, and especially I, until the end of the time. Nothing has changed, nothing will. We'll just drag ourselves until our time here is completed, hoping for a better future than the one promised to us here on earth.

Mirrors of Value

Truth, mirrored in our own values and how we seek to see them, it all gets blurred along the way being trapped between the wall and the mirrors ornately designed, examined and explained.

We'll start again, and continue to grow in detail, increasing in the number of things that need explaining, but we'll always fall into the same trap.

Reaper

Waiting, patiently, to load, to secure, to learn, to procure…but all I am doing is waiting, waiting until the day of destiny comes knocking on my door to rip my soul apart from my body, and leave me more lifeless than I am now.

Havens

As always, finding myself, beside myself, and you realize, if you don't make it go away, nobody else can. No matter how much they might care, and may want the very best for you, your shattered heart and soul that can't seem to find peace, all he or she can provide is temporary relief from the pain. The world continues to spin, despite your woes. A little bit of haven is promised within the right person, but at the end of it all, you've got to create it and give it to yourself, because even that haven will whimper and wilt, if you are not actively engaged in bettering it. People, will let go eventually and so will your haven.

So, until then, all we can do is, struggle with ourselves until the time of acceptance comes.

Dis...

Once upon a times and happily ever afters are all lies, no longer content and able to stretch into the modern day, we're all disenfrenchasized, seeking refuge seeking hope and warmth in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people.

Apologize

I don't know where to begin. These wounds, keep opening and I am only raging, and can't seem to find one nice thing about myself. Frustration is about all I have.

This Skin.

This hovering won't get out of my chest, my thoughts plagued and only the decay of the soul is the heaviest, as I will continue to whither away, with nothing by the skin I am in.

Here we are. Another day, another hurt, another wound, just piling up. I can't seem to get my grip on the world. One thing after another, they keep slipping from my hands.

Darkness

The darkness completes my morbid soul that's been torturing my flesh. Where else is a doomed woman to hide?

Silence

How come this deafening silence is the only peace I could find in this world?

Goals

It's good to have goals, at the very least it keeps you going when there is absolutely nothing else you can do.

Blizzard

Middle of the October already, in this purple haze, I am not sure how the time finds the courage to move on, keep ticking and allowing us to spin ourselves out of control, leaving all the happiness and warmth behind, into the future of a blizzard where nothing can stand alive at the end.

I am continually pedaling, pedaling towards a future, catch up, but I can't do it without stopping often to catch my breath. I'll never get there, no, not this way.

Don't Ask

Quiet, and solitude is all I seek. Just to drown in my own mistakes and dwell on the what ifs. It will not change anything, but doing anything other than this is impossible. Don't ask me to forget and live.

Slithering words

Fickle movements, and the anger that just can't be contained within my vessel. Words that slither out and in return fill your soul with sadness. I just can't help myself, and although this is no excuse I am at the end of my rope, unable to amend my wounds, or yours.

Winter

It's cold already, nearly impossible to do anything and it's only October. I have a hunch that this winter will be cold and long. I can see myself just being dragged and hoping for the advent of Spring. Counting down to the days.

This is meant to be my time of the year, where I enjoy the weather, pumpkin picking, making delicious fall recipes and hang up the festivities. Instead I am worried about the fast approaching winter that I will be barren.

Labels

I've been trying to continually publish on here. As dark as the state of my mind has been. It has been proven to me, continually that when I use labels to describe my blog posts, they attract more attention. Some more than others…On the other hand, when I don't attach any, though, all I have left is a big fat zero. Sometimes there is a cute 1, but that's about it.

As humankind, we're intimately invested in labels, the superficial observation, knowledge, and understanding. Just enough to know whether the other is like us or different. We don't care why, how, and in what ways. We just care whether the other is different and if it can be assimilated. If not, then why spend my time here? Let's move on. Collectively, throughout many cultures, this has been our pattern of dealing with others.

So, let's keep labeling away, while attracting some and on the other hand, isolating others.

October

October has to be my favorite month. Though I am not exactly looking forward to November. Though my parents will be coming in for a visit, that I am extremely excited about. So welcome October! Welcome and bring me comfort, peace and virtue. Bring me your fortune and hopefulness towards a silent winter that holds my glues together, instead of coming undone.

Canceled Publish a Novel Class

I was supposed to take a Publish a Novel Class at MATC in October, but it seems that it is canceled and we really don't know why, at least I don't. The lady who called to tell me this, couldn't say why.

It's a bit disappointing, and I wish I was able to go. I was counting on this class in combination to the work shop to push me further in my writing.

Madison's Writer Workshop

In late Summer, I've joined a writer's critique group. This works for me, because it's to critique the work someone already has. Both writing for a group and learning to critique is great exercises for a writer.

They're a great bunch, the organizers especially seem well informed and with a gentle steering guide the group. I am so relieved and happy to be connecting with other writers in Madison, finally.

Weekend with Your Novel

http://continuingstudies.wisc.edu/conferences/weekendwithyournovel/workshops.html

As I was searching the net for workshops around and in Madison, this is what I came across. Considering that this will be my first workshop to attend, it feels reasonable and is on the cheaper side. So, why not do something like this?

It seems like a great opportunity and voice is something a writer reaches after a lot of struggle.

Capitol Centre Apartments

We've been living here for about almost three months.

I love it here, truly. The management is nice, maintenance is quick and its location is great. We're even closer to State St. than before. The Laundry and work out room is great, though I don't use the gym as often as the laundry room.

The apartments are well maintained, well cleaned and are absolutely adorable. I am so glad we made the move here.

Halloween Cards

I bought the most awesome Halloween Cards today at Target.They come as a pack of 8 and along side with that I bought stickers. I plan to give them out to the family I nanny for, our physicians and our property managers, along with some friends and people we use their services often.

It's a nice gesture and even more so, a wonderful way to celebrate Halloween :)

Now, to write them all!

Movie Selections

S and I love watching movies together. In a usual week we probably watch about two weeks and on the weekends, additional 2-4. There are times where we watch two movies back to backs on weekends, which allows us to catch up.

While we watch a lot of new releases, I try hard to look over our DVD Que in Netflix and try to includes movies that have become part of American Modern Culture, movies it's inspired and inspired from. Now that Halloween is near, I've switched up our que quite a bit by including classics like "The Shining" and "Sleepy Hallow". This isn't simply because of Halloween though. I love thrillers and enjoy a good horror movie. Someone who loves the works of Edgard Allan Poe surely appreciates the darker, more unsettling emotions with eerie movies, ominous settings and complex characters with wounds suffered in their past.

Warm Apple Ciders and a good Horror Movie. Life is good.

Hello, October

It's October. Really it's here. Much to my disbelief and shock.
I can't believe what a summer it has been and that we've been recovering, trying to survive.

Nonetheless, it's October. Fall is officially here as of September 22nd and I have been loving it. Autumn is my favorite season of the year and I usually can't have the fall long enough. The leaves changing color, the lattes are the part everyone likes about Autumn. I like the ability to calm down, get together and the inspiring mood it puts me into write. The ability to appreciate and create cozy corners in the house and in my heart to appreciate the people who are in it and make lasting memories with awesome people whether it is apple picking, pumpkin carving or Halloween parties.

I am at a great open critique group which I enjoy and have come to make some friends. Having writer friends was the best decision I could have made. I wonder why I waited so long to foster these relationships? I am back to taking classes, even if they are online and free ones. I am back to reading and writing at a steady pace. I am trying to make these more regular once again. I will be taking a publishing course at the Madison College and will be attending several U.W. Mini Courses. I am excited for October. So much change, so much positivity that I am hoping that things will become great habits and they will continue into the winter, holding me fast and tight where I am, bound and committed to my work.

I also having to watch over two children, aged 4 and 8 have done wonders both for my imagination and the feelings of responsibility. I also pack more for my day and try to be better for myself.

Hello October. I am glad you're here.