I think I am insomniac now.
There is a discord within me, and my emotions are all disrupted. My thoughts seem to fall into ill every single second. I can't seem to be able to go to sleep at night. I either see nightmares, or weird dreams that throws me out of the loop. It keeps me pondering about the meaning of the dreams I see each and every day. I am unable to focus, and I can't seem to motivate myself enough. This feeling too is also rather familiar to me.

Even as I am writing this, most of the people on this side of the country are asleep. Exceptions never cease to exist. The man I love is also sound asleep. Yet, I am awake, my brain is unable to rest. My theory is that, that's why I keep seeing so many disoriented, distraught dreams.
I used to complain that I never stopped thinking, now I feel like I have achieved brain dead. I feel ordinary. How, I used to feel special and take pride in my analytical skills and my brain power. Honestly, I want those days back.

I am so confused. I had planned for a different path for myself. Ever since I can remember.

I've been reminiscent lately and pondering into the past, comparing myself of then and now. And each time it never ceases to amaze me how much I've grown up. Usually, under normal circumstances I would say this is a good thing. But, I guess I don't view it as positive as most would. I always said to myself, I am NOT going to end up this or that way. Now, I can only see myself fall further into that line. *sigh*
I hope things go back to their original ways soon. I don't think I like this side of me, or this kind of life too much. It doesn't suit me very well.